Current Status:

Current Status:

Sitting in the bathroom with Scar so he can eat his special food in peace. 😂

He's a really great communicator. Or I'm a good listener. I don't know. But I have been escorting him around all day. We cuddle on the couch until he needs food or the litter box. When he gets up he sits in my face as if to let me know he needs something for a minute, like he's transmitting his kitty thoughts telepathically. 😂 Then he heads off to do what he needs to and I follow.

He's been eating a lot of small meals today, which means that I've been having to let him in and out of the bathroom all day. He's still having diarrhea, but this last time he sat looking towards the sunroom (where the litter boxes are) and I offered to go out there with him. I opened the door and we went out, I sat in a chair, and he pooped in the box. We usually have to catch him scratching on the linoleum we put down to protect the carpet and put him in the box to get him to use it, but this time it felt like he told me he'd go in it if I came with him, and he did.

We've also been wiping his butt (gently!) and he doesn't seem to like that, but it's necessary. Hopefully not forever, but I would do it, for real.

So that's how our day is going. Not too bad. I'm glad he's eating and holding his food down, even if it does shoot out of the other end at lightning speed.

I slept in my own bed last night for the first time in 3 or 4 nights...

I slept in my own bed last night for the first time in 3 or 4 nights and I needed that.  I have been exhausted all week because it wasn't restful sleep cuddling my cat each night while wondering if he was comfortable or ok or if this was our last night together, or sleeping so light that I woke up every time he moved.  My body also hurt because I didn't move to get comfortable if he seemed to be comfortable.  But after the optimistic report from the vet yesterday I finally felt ok to sleep in my own bed and rest.

When I woke up today Shaun had already fed and medicated him.  He started his new meds this morning - a short course of antibiotics and an appetite stimulant.  Scar had been making small improvements before this new medication and I don't think it has had any time to work yet, but when I came downstairs Shaun showed me Scar's plate - he used it lick it clean, but lately has only picked at his food.  Today he did better, though - he ate most of it, thank goodness.  He's already had a bunch of diarrhea, but the last one I cleaned up was thicker.  Not quite back to soft-serve, but hopefully we'll get there soon.  He also has some FortiFlora being delivered today, so I'll be giving that to him, as well.  I will keep everyone posted.

I want to address the situation of the vet that wouldn't help him the other day.  Please don't misunderstand - I get why she didn't want to help him or euthanize him without seeing his previous records.  I probably would have felt the same way were I in her shoes.  While I am grateful to still have my cat with me I am still not 100% appreciative of her decision.  Me and Shaun have made many end-of-life decisions and it's never easy.  We've learned that there is almost always a point where you feel hopeful and want to hang on, but it rarely turns out to have been a good thing for the animal.  Looking back there are several of my pets that I wish I'd let go sooner to spare them the suffering.  Just because Scar seems to be on the mend does not mean that it definitely would have gone this way or that he doesn't have a painful crash about to happen soon.  This just as easily could be going worse for him and for us, and it still could.  So I guess "mixed feelings" is where I am in regards to that.  I definitely want to feel hopeful that he'll make a full recovery and possibly not have some form of diarrhea outside of the box for the rest of his life, but we've been battling this for so long already that I don't know if I can let myself believe it's possible without seeing it happen.  Then again, he did shit a turd the other day.

Anyway, it's been a hard week and I needed to process some emotions.  Last night was the first night in days that I didn't cry myself to sleep.  It's been such a roller-coaster.  It is really hard having so many elderly pets at one time.

Speaking of, Sindar is doing ok.  She's had one arthritis shot and another due the first week of August.  She's on gabapentin until the 2nd shot kicks in, if it will work for her and actually does kick in.  She's still blind or mostly blind, but we've managed to get her gabapentin to a dose where she's not drunk and energetically walking / staggering into everything.  One thing that has been happening for the last few weeks, though, is that she does her yodel-cry frequently.  I can talk to her, pet her, feed her, give her treats - and it only stops her for a few minutes.  The only thing that quiets her for an extended period is Shaun's presence.  She just wants him near her.  She will cry until I ask him to come upstairs to be with her.  He hugs her and pets her and talks to her, then she's done with attention.  She might walk around for a few minutes after that, but it never fails that EVERY TIME he comes up she goes to the space near our pillows where she likes to sleep and takes a nap.  He has to sneak out of the room as though he just put an infant down to nap.  It's pretty cute, but dang.  But we'll do our best to keep her happy and comfortable while she's with us.

My cat lives to see another day.

My cat lives to see another day. The vet thinks it's IBD. He's got some new meds and an appetite stimulant. She said his quality of life seemed fine currently. She wasn't upset that we were giving him gabapentin, but he shouldn't need it with his new meds.

Balthazar got an injection for his respiratory gunk and is to finish his antibiotics that he's currently on. He also had a bad tooth that was loose that we didn't know about and the vet just popped it out right on the spot.

Overall, I am really happy with how this visit went. I hope our sweet boys will finally be on the mend.

Two Good Newses:

Two Good Newses:

Boyfriend was hungry this morning! He not only meowed for food, but did his goofy little run-trill "mrr-rrr-rrr" with his little primordial pouch a' swangin' as he jogged to the bathroom. He hasn't done either of those things in DAYS!

The vet called and had some cancelations. They want to see both Scar and Balthazar at 9:30!

I am so, so happy!

Boyfriend is soaking up some sunbeams and napping in my lap.

Boyfriend is soaking up some sunbeams and napping in my lap.

He's going to his regular vet tomorrow at 11. Well, regular vet office where all of his records are. The two doctors who saw him are still not back from leave, but I don't mind getting another opinion.

I'm glad he's being seen, but that was originally Balthazar's appointment. Balthazar has had some upper respiratory crud for months. Every time he finishes an antibiotic it comes right back. It's exhausting for all of us.

On the bright side, they said that they would have the doctor look at Balthie's records tomorrow and see if he needed to be seen or if maybe switching up his antibiotics would help. He's doing ok at the moment; he's at the end of a round of antibiotics, so he can probably wait until next week to be seen.

As for now, Scar is being drugged with Sindar's gabapentin. That is a choice we made. It seems to be making him feel a little better and also he's finally nibbling at food when he's on it.

I don't know what tomorrow holds for us and for him, but I feel hopeful that he'll be ok. It was NOT looking that way a few days ago. I'll keep y'all posted. ❤️

Today was a bust.

Today has sucked complete ass.

We've been battling diarrhea with Scar since at least April.  He'd been going to one veterinary office this whole time that had two doctors practicing there.  One doctor has been out of state with a family emergency for almost two months and the other is on paternity leave as of a couple of weeks ago.

Since April we've done fecal exams, physical exams, bloodwork, tried steroids and antibiotics as well as the combination of them, special food, and we've done a scan of his intestines.  He has thickening of his small intestine is all we know.  We hadn't figured out a cause before the doctors went on leave, but we were told that cancer had not been ruled out.

We've been rocking along with him having diarrhea and otherwise seeming to feel fine, hoping it was just IBS or something and that we would eventually figure it out.  Let me be clear about one thing - this was diarrhea in the carpet, not the litter box.  It got so bad that even though we have a carpet shampooer, Shaun bought a handheld one because he was cleaning the carpet with the handheld attachment several times a day.  The house has smelled awful despite any attempt at a speedy cleanup.  

Finally, a couple of weeks ago Shaun got some spare linoleum out of the garage and put it down where Scar was going so that we could at least wipe it up with paper towels.  The house smells better, and we can at least hear him scratching when he needs to go, which has allowed us to take him to the litter box (which he will use if we do that).  I would almost rather him shit on the linoleum, though, because at least he doesn't get it all over his feet.  There has been no winning for any of us for months - but you know what?  I fucking love this cat and Shaun has been wonderfully supportive despite doing a ton of dirty work just to keep him around.

So Scar shit a turd the other day and I got super excited.  But he didn't have his special food on Monday night because he ran out and his delivery hadn't arrived yet.  He missed one meal of special food and I don't know if that triggered something bad or if he was going to eventually decline anyway, but he threw up everything he ate on Monday night.  His special food arrived the next morning and he tried it, but couldn't keep it down.  He hasn't eaten since then.

He's breathing like he doesn't feel well.  His eyes look sad to me.  He's obviously lethargic, but not yet dehydrated.  So I've spent the last two nights with him because he's my little boyfriend and I want to comfort him as much as I can.

On to the appointment today:

The doctor at the urgent care claims that they did not receive his records from his regular doctor (who was closed today).  Therefore, she wanted to do $1000 worth of diagnostics that had already been done recently.  We told her that we thought he felt bad enough to end his suffering, but to her he didn't "look critical enough" for her to "be comfortable" with euthanasia.

Like, I 100% understand where she was coming from, but I fucking hate it.  He was up rubbing on things, walking around, eyes looked bright.  But most animal people know that the adrenaline from going a new place can make them "perk up" temporarily.  I guess me and Shaun telling her that he isn't eating or able to hold anything down or that he literally shit bloody diarrhea with undigested food in it right before the visit counted for nothing.  Not the fact that I have obviously been crying for 2 days.  Not the fact that we didn't want him to reach the "critical" stage and suffer through that.

So, nothing happened.  He got no help and he's also still with us which would usually be a good thing, but I am against suffering.  I've been down this road more than a few times and I would rather send him off a little too early than one minute too late.  I am so sad.  I am frustrated.  I don't really know what to do.  I'm going to call his vet tomorrow and push for them to see him one final time.  If they refuse I guess I'll make more calls.  For now he's doped up on Sindar's gabapentin because at least he gets some rest that way.

It's been a pretty terrible day.  I don't wish this anyone.

The first non-emergency vet appointment we could get is tomorrow.

The first non-emergency vet appointment we could get is tomorrow.

Scar hasn't eaten since he threw up last night. His breathing and his eyes look like he doesn't feel well to me.

He's had diarrhea for literal months. No antibiotic or steroid has made a difference. His bloodwork hasn't turned up anything suspicious. His fecal came back negative. His abdominal scan showed a bit of thickening in his small intestine. We haven't been able to pinpoint a cause or any treatment that helps. He was doing ok-ish on a sensitive stomach diet, but he skipped one meal of it due to it not being delivered yet and now he's vomiting, shitting brown water with chewed food in it, and not wanting to eat anymore.

He's seeing a different vet tomorrow and if they can't turn him around, then we're probably going to have to say goodbye to my little boyfriend. I don't want that. I'm not ready. He's not even old! But I can't put him through pain and suffering only to have him pass away anyway.

I took tomorrow off work and I'm sleeping with him on the couch again tonight. I hope that if nothing else, my presence brings him some comfort while he's still here.