Life update:

Life update:

Me and Shaun lost our health insurance at the end of April.  We have too much in savings to be eligible for Medicaid here, so we'll have to pay out of pocket for other state insurance.  It's going to be about $750/month to get ourselves covered, which isn't ideal since I'm unemployed.  But I'm grateful for the option.  Btw, the kids still have their Medicaid, so they're fine.

I haven't been to therapy since mid-May because I can't afford to pay $250/week for it.  But I'm doing ok mentally.  We will have to purchase insurance by next month because I won't have enough medication left to be normal if I don't.  I have a supply of my antidepressant and antianxiety, as well as the hormones I need.  I will check in with Shaun tomorrow and see where he is with medication.  Also, I'm going to push him to go to urgent care if his sinus infection doesn't clear up.

I feel like I really needed the deep rest, so being laid off was kind of a relief at first.  Now I've been sick for the last week or so, and I've needed a bunch of rest to recover from that.  I'm feeling mostly better, though, so now I'm just feeling really untethered; but not in a good way.  I guess "aimless" would be a good word to describe it.

There is so much I could be doing.  I could finish swatching my polish.  Work on my database.  Try to sell some of the jewelry I made since I don't have an income.  Try to sell some of our extra stuff from around the house because I love to declutter and money would be nice.

I could clean.  I could do the laundry I've been meaning to do for more than 6 weeks.  I'm down to wearing nightgowns day in and day out because I am literally out of clean clothes.  😆  I could at least make myself some healthy food, but I've been living on soup and pizza rolls and rice pudding for weeks.  I have no willpower to do anything except for water my plants.

The one positive from this downtime is that I have actually started gaining some energy back.  Not enough that I want to use it yet, but it's harder to lay around and that's a good thing.  For the past two nights in a row, I've dreamed about roller skating.  I feel like that's a good sign.  I've ordered a boot stretcher so that I can stretch the toe of my skates and hopefully wear them for longer periods.  They fit toe-to-heel, but I have wide feet and the toe box is so narrow.  It's hard to wear them for long.

As much as schedules feel like prison, I'm far more productive and stable when I have one.

Anyway.  I know of several people who were let go from my previous company and no one is having luck getting hired anywhere.  I'm pretty sure it's the job market and not us.  I have degrees in Math and Computer Science, as well as certifications in ServiceNow.  I feel like I should be pretty marketable.  I had been looking for work involving ServiceNow, but I'm starting to think I need to widen my search and see if that helps.  I'm also considering looking into Salesforce.

Other than that, I have some friends visiting soon and I am so excited about it.  I feel like I need it and I think we all will have a great time.

I hope y'all are doing well.  ❤  I'm not 100%, but things will get better.

I'm late to the party, as usual.

I'm late to the party, as usual. Me and Shaun just finished watching the Twilight series today. I'd seen a couple of the movies before, and he hadn't seen any, so that's what we've done the last 3 days.

I'm not trying to post spoilers, but I like how it ended.

When Kira comes down we're probably gonna do girl talk about it. 😂

I had a tickle in my throat yesterday...

I had a tickle in my throat yesterday. I feel straight up bad this morning.

I guess I've got whatever Shaun had. Yay.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I've done literally nothing for weeks except put in job applications. I haven't gotten any calls back, so I am going to have to change my strategy. Fun.

Other than that I have rested. Like, deeply rested. Like, "slept 12-15 hour days, laid in bed even awake, done not a single chore" type of rested. I felt like I needed it. It's only the last couple of days that I've started to feel like a person again.

Unfortunately, Shaun is sick. I think it started with allergies, but it turned into a sinus infection. Now he's coughing a bunch. He says he's starting to feel better, and I hope he is. I'm still getting up tomorrow to watch the baby (Bear), so Shaun can hopefully get more rest.

When I went out to water plants the other day I almost lost my wedding band. I guess I've lost enough weight that my ring is slipping off. This is the smallest I've been in at least 7 years. I'm not complaining.

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm low-energy, but I'm not eating much, so that's probably why. Maybe after the next 15 lbs are gone I'll switch to a maintenance dose of Semaglutide and see about eating more and walking/lifting again. I should probably exercise now, but I don't want to and I can admit that, so... 🤷🏻 It just is what it is. I guess I'm trying to build my willpower back up.

I really miss skating. I need to get myself to go do that again. It's a lot more fun than walking.

I haven't had a haircut in a while. For years I had kept at least part of my head shaved, but here I sit with my scalp covered in hair. It's about down to my armpits now. I keep it bunned up most of the time, so it's not a lot of trouble. I have a silver streak in the front just like my MaMaw had. I think it's actually kind of pretty, but it could probably use a trim.

Scar is so cute. He needs his inhaler 2x day, and since I give him a treat after he breathes his meds, he reminds me now to do it. It's still not his favorite thing, but half of the time when I hold him to give it to him, he's purring and the little valve flap is fluttering, so I'm glad he doesn't hate it. 😂 Forget old dogs - I taught my old kitty cat a new trick! ❤️

I still haven't done Shaun's nails. I am so terrible. He's been tempted to try doing gel himself and it's honestly not hard, but he'd cure it on his skin and give himself an allergy. Maybe when he's not coughing all over the place I can finally get it done.

Goodnight, friends. I hope y'all are doing well.

I'm finally about to shower.

I'm finally about to shower. I've been able to keep food in for the last 17 hours. Woo!

Shaun changed my sheets earlier because they were disgusting. He's made me soup all day and brought me everything I needed. I really appreciate him.

He almost never gets sick in the disgusting ways that I do. In the 17 years we've been together, he hasn't thrown up once. That's unfathomable to me. I don't understand how that happens.

I'm down 4 lbs in 2 days. Not exactly how I wanted to do it, but I guess I'll take any wins I can get. 😂

So the question earlier...

So the question earlier stemmed from the fact that I say "in the dash" instead of "in the glove box." Apparently, it is confusing to Shaun, so I'm gonna try to remember to say "in the glove box" next time. I just grew up hearing "in the dash" and thought that was pretty normal. But I like to be precise with my words, so I'll work on this.

Oddly, this isn't the first time we've run into this. But I'm glad I'm not the only one who understood what I meant. 😂 Thank you if you answered my question. ❤️

Question:

Question:

If I asked you to look in the dash of the car to get something, where specifically would you look?

Shaun tends to do traditional anniversary gifts...

Shaun tends to do traditional anniversary gifts, and the 7th year is copper or wool. We decided to have a Wool Experience and went to an Alpaca farm. It was a fun time. The highlight of the day was being handed a young Alpaca. They really don't weigh much, which is shocking.

Shaun wants a kinetic wind spinner, so I think we'll get a copper one for the yard when we find a nice one this year. Neither of these things happened/will happen on the actual day of our anniversary, but it doesn't matter. We both go with the flow and I think that's nice.

So the baby we're holding is Papito. The brown one who liked selfies is Brownie; I got a wool hat that reminds me of his fur. He kept creeping up over my shoulder when we were meeting Gordo, the tortoise. I can't remember who all we hugged and walked, but they let us meet everyone. There were like 8 Alpacas, a large Sulcata tortoise, a beautiful dog named Zeus, and some gorgeous chickens. Everyone was so friendly. Y'all know I was so happy. 😊❤️

Happy 7th year of marriage to my favorite person! ❤️

Happy 7th year of marriage to my favorite person! ❤️

I took the day off work because it's worth celebrating. We've had a chill day. We got some good food and tasty gourmet chocolates, but we were having a little haboob here so it wasn't the best weather to be out in. We've mostly chilled together at home, and that's just fine by me. We finally finished watching Lost. We both hated how it ended. 😂

It's hard to believe how fast the years have flown by since we met, but it makes sense because we're happy. Shaun is the only partner I've ever had who has been willing to sacrifice for me and with me, and I hope I've made those sacrifices worth it. ❤️

We've come so far together. We've built a comfortable life for these kids and these animals. I love working from home and having Shaun here in his comfort zone, wrangling Bear and taking care of the house. I can honestly say that I never get tired of seeing him, he doesn't get on my nerves, and he's truly my best friend. I love that if one of us is ever on some bullshit, the other can call them out with love and humor and shit gets better. Communication - that shit works.

I would say that compromise does, too, but that's a last resort. If we can have separate shit and be happy, that's the go-to. I feel like our utensil drawers say so much about our relationship. I'm a chaos goblin with texture issues and he's at least passable as a regular human person. 😂 But somehow it works, and it's beautiful. ❤️❤️❤️

I love you, Husbang. ❤️

I went to bed around 9 last night...

I went to bed around 9 last night. I woke up at 3 this morning and haven't been back to sleep. Now I'm finally getting sleepy again... Right before my alarm goes off. 😕

Have y'all ever heard someone talk in their sleep with a C-PAP on? Because Shaun was last night and it was goofy as hell. 😂

For the past week I've been super stressed.

For the past week I've been super stressed. Politically, there is a whole lot going on and I'm sure that's a strategy to overwhelm us. I'm trying not to let it work. I also had some work stress, which ended up not being bad, but I did work some longer hours. That's ok. My point is that I slept late today because I just felt like I needed it.

At 1:something, Shaun came upstairs to check on me, which I normally appreciate, but I was still half asleep and he was turned up to 100. 😂😂😂 He was like "I thawed a rat and need your help feeding the snake we could've gone on a road trip today I can probably feed the snake by myself it's whatever what do you want to do?" and I'm just tucked in with my cat and squinting at him like "Wtf, bro?"

I'm so glad he felt great today, but that was a bit much. 😂😂😂

Anyway, I slept late and didn't have a sleep hangover, so to me that says I needed it. Despite feeling stressed most of the week, I didn't have nightmares last night. I actually had pleasant and entertaining dreams for once. I can't remember the last time that happened.

So yesterday was 2 full weeks on Testosterone and I haven't had a migraine despite my stress levels, so that's amazing. I'm finally sleeping at night again and it's wonderful. Even if I wake up to pee or whatever I'm usually able to fall back asleep. I also feel less brain-foggy and that is a huge relief.

I haven't hopped on a scale, but I feel like I might have lost some weight, too. I'm not doing anything crazy. I have a 32-day streak of walking at least 15 minutes per day. I started small because I figured it would be easier to make into a habit. I am still doing weights 3x/week, except that I skipped 2 days last week. Instead of beating myself up, I'm just going to pick up where I left off this coming week.

I don't know if weight loss would be due to the Testosterone or not, but I also started meds for Hypothyroid around the same time. All I do know is that I tried to lose weight before, during, and after college and it didn't matter if I fasted for days and walked an hour a day at the gym, it wasn't budging. But now I feel like I'm not actually trying hard and it's happening, not to mention that I don't constantly feel like I'm freezing all the time.

Whatever it is, I'm grateful that I'm feeling more normal. I also feel like I finally have a say over the state of my body. It's just weird to me that I spent so much time trying to get in shape and it wasn't happening, but now that my hormones are medicated, it doesn't feel like it will be impossible anymore. Hopefully, this will be a healthy year for me. We shall see.

It's beautiful out.

It's beautiful out. Look what I missed while bed-rotting today.

Ooh. This is Shaun's first night with his c-pap.

Ooh. This is Shaun's first night with his c-pap. I almost can't even tell that he's in the same bed. This is CRAZY good.

I wonder if he'll feel any different when he wakes up...

HAHA! Shaun has severe sleep apnea!

HAHA! Shaun has severe sleep apnea!

We haven't slept in the same room in months. Me, being a light sleeper plus having trouble sleeping - paired with his snoring, was NOT working out. He's been sleeping in his game room and I've been trying desperately to get enough rest. It's been a struggle even without him in the room.

He's been trying to get a sleep study done for a while now, and he finally got one done. He said he felt fine when waking up so he didn't think he had sleep apnea, but his results came back severe.

I'm only excited because now it's confirmed and we can do something about it. I hope it does change his quality of life for the better once he's on treatment. I also am excited to have him back in the room with me.

Now to get my suck-ass sleep worked out...

Here's another stupid post...

Here's another stupid post that was born of weird morning conversations with Shaun:

He drove me to have blood taken, and it was next to a coffee shop we like. While waiting in the drive-through, Shaun drank some water, it went down wrong, and he started coughing.

So of course I started roasting him for choking so much. He does this all the time, as well as accidentally biting himself while eating - to the point that he bleeds. It's crazy how often he does both of these things.

So then he was like "This is mild choking. There should be another word." so I helpfully offered up "strangled." 😂 A debate ensued, so I ended up Googling choking vs. strangulation. Apparently, even though they are used interchangeablely, they have different definitions.

And then, of course, I started thinking about how kinky people like to be "choked" but actually mean strangled. I guess "strangled" isn't a super sexy word. 😂😂😂

Can you imagine being in the moment talking about "Strangle me." I'm laughing my ass off. Blame it on my sleep deprivation. 😂😂😂

I don't know what happened, but...

I don't know what happened, but last night I started feeling TERRIBLE. I felt like I had a migraine, but also a fever. I took my migraine meds and went to bed. Unfortunately, that didn't help.

I laid in bed basically using breathing techniques to distract myself from the pain and the nausea. Eventually, I started throwing up. Usually if I just have a migraine, I throw up once and then sleep it off. But last night it happened several times.

I don't know if what we DoorDashed yesterday didn't sit well on my stomach or what, but I didn't stop throwing up until this morning when it was ALL GONE.

Shaun, despite being sick himself, came to check on me this morning. (We sleep separately when one of us is sick.) He brought me water and Zofran, but I couldn't take Zofran with migraine meds, which I still felt I needed, so I just sipped water. I barely got any down when I had to ask him to hand me the trashcan to throw up.

Unfortunately, I heaved so hard I peed a little, which was no good because I was still sitting in my bed. Hugging the trashcan, I started making my way to the bathroom when I heaved again and peed a little in floor. Made it to the toilet and proceeded to make all kinds of pretty sounds. I couldn't even get the door shut. I'm not one of those "pee with the door open" people, but I guess I was this morning.

While all of that was going on, Shaun started stripping and cleaning and making the bed. I eventually finished puking, cleaned myself and the floor up, and laid back down. Took another migraine pill and kept it down. I'm basically just now awake from sleeping that off.

I don't feel wonderful, but I don't feel ANYWHERE near as bad as I did, thank goodness.

I can't remember the last time I felt that bad. Maybe when we still lived in Talladega and I had a bad migraine and couldn't get out of the floor and also puked so hard I peed myself. But I still feel like this was worse because it drug out all night.

Anyway. It doesn't matter. I'm here. I have the best husband who still takes care of me even when he feels bad. I'm heading down to see how he feels and if there's anything I can do to help him now that I might be a functional person.

I sincerely hope y'all have had a better weekend than we did. ❤️ It was a rough one.

I was in a bad mood most of the day...

I was in a bad mood most of the day because I got woken up in the middle of the night.

Poor Shaun came to check on me around 2 this afternoon when I still hadn't come downstairs.

We hung out for a bit, I finally did my leg-day exercise, then I came down.

Shaun's been a little congested lately, but his face was red when I saw him. Poor thing has a fever today. 🙁

We rarely go out, and usually if we're not at a restaurant we're masked. But somehow he's sick.

I guess it's that time of year. Blegh.

We're DoorDashing some food and taking it easy today.

I've had 2 really dumb conversations with Shaun this weekend.

I've had 2 really dumb conversations with Shaun this weekend.

The first started Saturday morning when I was (for who even knows what reason) thinking about Ryan Gosling's name. I was like "So is his name pretty much like 'Ryan Baby Goose'?" and Shaun was like... "Doesn't that include baby ducks, too? Wait... No. Those are ducklings. Then why was Darkwing Duck's kid named after a gosling?" and so I had to Google it and Darkwing Duck's daughter's name DOES sound a lot like "gosling" [it's Gosalyn], but I don't know if it was the actual intent that it sound like "gosling." If it was, that's pretty dumb because SHE IS A DUCK - NOT A GOOSE.

ANYWAY. Earlier today we were having dinner together and I asked him "Who said 'Br Br Brrr'?" and he was like "Wat?" So I tried several times making the sound with my lips flapping, but I was not good at it. He started asking me all these questions about where I heard it and what people were talking about when they said it. I could literally recall nothing besides "Br br brrr" and the sound got lower at the end. I tried Googling it and found a bunch of nonsense on TikTok that wasn't what I was looking for.

Y'all. Bruh. It was this dog with the Italian accent (link below) that was in my mind and I couldn't even tell Shaun it was a dog and not a human. 😂😂😂 I had told him I thought it was something we watched recently and he asked if it was an animal video and triggered my brain.

I'm gonna be a lot of fun when that Alzheimer's hits. 😂😂😂 

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18U73oHbsZ/

Me and Shaun tried a new place for dinner...

Me and Shaun tried a new place for dinner called KūKri Chicken Tikka Tenders. We like spicy food, so we went for the hottest thing they offered.

Y'all see this on the receipt? It wasn't kidding.

We just involuntarily wept through dinner - snotty noses and everything. 😂😂😂 What an exciting Tuesday night. 😂

I'm about to be off work for a few days.

I'm about to be off work for a few days.

First order of business:  Do. Shaun's. Nails.

I swear if he breaks another nail and then looks at me like it's my fault he removed his gel prematurely, I'mma fight him. 😂😂😂