Today, my favorite person turned 43.

Today, my favorite person turned 43. I think his day went okay. I was not feeling well last night and some of today, but I did his nails and we'll have a date tomorrow.

We're not doing gifts because I think it would just stress him out (that's what he said, anyway). I'm never on time with stuff like that, regardless. But things will ease up soon. Maybe he'll get a surprise once I'm working again. He definitely wouldn't expect it. 😂

I've been doing my pre-work...

I've been doing my pre-work for the Web Development bootcamp and I've already learned a lot. I'm excited to get started next month. I think I do much better with structure than I do without because I'm just flailing about, trying my best and not getting far. That's probably why I love lists so much. They give me a small amount of structure and purpose. So it will be nice to have something concrete and productive to do again soon. Having this pre-work and deadlines is also pretty nice.

My brain is all over the place and it's not super fun. I'm still sure I want to make press-on nails to sell. I have considered off and on doing the nail-tech thing, but the ANXIETY that comes with it is killer. Even when I do nails for friends and family FOR FREE, I'm always like "I could've done that better." The perfectionist in me will never see it as good enough, even when people assure me that they are happy. So at least if I make press-ons and they're already done, people can like them and buy them, or not. It seems like it would take a lot of the pressure off.

I have never in my life wanted to make nail polish and I still don't, but I'm getting pretty worked up over nail powder (the kind you buff into a sticky gel). I'm over here like "How big is a micron?" and going down the rabbit hole. I have a few powders with gorgeous effects, but I'd like to be able to mix something similar so I don't run through my prized favorite 4 by putting them on press-ons for someone else.

I did some mood nails the other day and they look pretty nice. But after doing some research ON THAT (I wasn't kidding when I said I was all over the place), I found that it's probably best to use that pigment in nail art instead of doing a full mani. The mood stuff isn't polish and needs to be sealed in. It would be better to encapsulate it somewhere than paint all the way to the edge and have it flake off. I'd be mortified if I sent out some nails and that happened.

My sweet Shaun has been nursing a butterfly with a torn wing since yesterday. He has been keeping it in the greenhouse and bringing it flowers and nectar. He went out earlier and it was gone into a bush and he was a bit upset until he found it. He knows the wings don't heal and that it will die eventually, but he's doing what he can to make sure it's comfortable, I guess. He knows we could leave it out and let it be part of the food chain, but for whatever reason, he seems kind of attached to this one. He looked her up and told me what her species was, but I can't remember what he said. He also told me she was a female.

I love how sweet his heart is. Anytime we've ever had a dying animal, he's wanted to be there - for them. I remember a time he held an injured gerbil for hours so that she wouldn't die alone. I don't really know where I was going with that; I guess I'm just expressing my appreciation for him and that he cares, even for the small creatures, too. ❤️

Anyway, I'm off to shower and get some sleep. I need to start working my schedule back towards "early" since the bootcamp/classes will be starting at 8 am and they're a bit of a drive from home.

I hope y'all are doing well. I'm kind of just... Scattered, but I'll pull myself together again. For a while, anyway. 😂😂😂 I never stay feeling like I'm on top of things for too long. Such is life, I suppose.

My dork-ass husband making jokes to Cub. 😂😂😂

My dork-ass husband making jokes to Cub. 😂😂😂

I love my boys. ❤️😊

Shaun has been talking about grilling food...

Shaun has been talking about grilling food off and on for a while. I talked to him about our food situation recently because I have no interest in cooking, so I'm rarely going to make healthy food (for myself or anyone else). We all just kind of fend for ourselves around here, and when we're tired of that we eat out. We want to do better.

I especially have issues with eating because I don't eat much meat, but if I had to cook it, I wouldn't eat any at all. I have the same trouble with eggs. I get grossed out by handling those things uncooked and by the time I get it done, I can't stomach it. I tend to have cycles of "safe foods" that I eat repeatedly and then go a while not really wanting anything. It's not great.

Shaun is similar to me about meat, but not to my extreme. We're a damn mess. 😂

So, we got an inexpensive charcoal grill and tried it out today. Shaun grilled tofu and it came out really good. I thought it would be chewy, but it wasn't. He grilled corn, carrots, cauliflower, and sausage, too. I ate everything but the sausage, and it was all delicious. We made wayyy too much food, so if the kids don't want any we're going to be eating it for days.

I helped with prep for everything but the sausage (not pictured).  But I think it went well for our first time.

We're definitely planning to collaborate on dinner more often than not now. He's open to trying cooking some types of meat, too, so that's nice, because I already know I won't. And it's great that we now know we can always throw tofu on the grill if we want to. I can help with prep for the grill and make sides or whatever, but I just have a hard line with dead animals.

Shaun cooked everything to varying degrees of done to see what we prefer. So far, he prefers the tofu more cooked than I do, but that's ok. He can always leave his on the grill for longer.

I was talking to Shaun today...

I was talking to Shaun today about how/why I get frustrated/annoyed when he talks to me sometimes. I feel this way about everyone, but he's the person I'm around the most, so... Poor Shaun. 😂

So as anyone who's paid attention to my recent posts knows... I'm living my best life with the music of Ca7riel & Paco Amoroso right now. It's fun, it's brilliant, it's helping me with my Spanish, they're beautiful, they're talented, etc. I listen to their music pretty much daily and also check their social media. I don't do that for anyone else. Despite loving music, in general I rarely listen to it.

Here's why:

When music is on, it's the most important thing happening to me. I don't want to be talked to because it causes sensory overload to hear both and I don't want it paused/interrupted because I'm enjoying it. I mouth/quietly sing the words if I know them and usually at least sway to the beat if not straight up dance.

Needless to say, I can't work with music on. I can drive. I can walk. I can skate. I can mess around in the greenhouse. But anything that requires more brainpower than that, I just can't do. So I don't get to listen to music often.

Since I'm currently unemployed and have free time, I'm able to indulge in music. And all I want to hear is Ca7riel and Paco. I've had them on repeat enough that I'm able to remember many of their songs, so I'm able to listen to it without using my ears. Shaun calls this an ear worm, but I guess I always associated ear worms with something you DON'T want to hear. 😂

He obviously can't tell when I'm listening to/enjoying my ear worms, so he talks to me whenever he feels like it. And I don't always want that. So I think I'm going to start wearing earplugs as a signal that I'm not up for talking. Or wear earbuds and actually listen to songs. That would be better for both of us, I think.

I asked him why he thinks it's ok to talk to me just because I'm in the same room as him. He said that's just normal to him. But I really enjoy being near someone without worrying about having my thoughts or ear worms interrupted. I have a hard time switching contexts, so it's a little stressful not being able to just exist near someone without the burden of having to unexpectedly pay attention to them.

OBVIOUSLY, if I've made plans with you and am purposely hanging out with you, I am up for/expect conversation. I am ready for it and enjoy it, genuinely. But I think it's different when sharing a living space with someone. Thankfully, we're able to talk things out and we're actively still working to improve our relationship, even after 17 years together. You'd think we'd have it figured out by now, but I'm still unmasking and learning a lot about myself, so the work continues.

Who else is sensitive to having their thoughts interrupted? I know I'm not the only one like this.

General Life Update:

General Life Update:

Today was nice. I felt refreshed and ready to handle life.

I had an appointment with Midi and it went well. I'll have to pay out of pocket for the visit because my insurance doesn't cover them, but I need HRT to keep feeling my best, so it's ok. The appointment fee is about 1/7 of what I was paying for insurance monthly at my job, so paying this out of pocket once or twice a a year is still worth it.

Speaking of insurance:  It fully covers my therapy sessions, so I'm scheduled to resume those next week.

I need to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to work some things out. I also have an appointment at the unemployment office.

I stepped on the scale to see how I was doing since I was basically in vacation-mode for the last 10 days. I gained 1 pound. My provider had a miscommunication with the pharmacy, so I've been out of Semaglutide for 2 weeks. I'll have it again on Friday. I thought I'd have gained more than a pound after being out of meds AND basically eating out every day, so I'm not upset at all. I think that making (mostly) healthy choices and staying active kept me in line. I'm amazed that that works for me now!

I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot mentally at the moment. I'm sleeping a lot better. A couple of weeks ago, we moved the litter box out of our bathroom. It's on the balcony now. The upstairs cats have to go through a cat door and tunnel to get to the boxes. The room smells a lot better, I'm not sweeping up litter twice a day, I don't hear them scratching around in the box, or hear the Litter Robot cycling. As a light sleeper, those subtle noises were waking me up constantly. This is a lot better.

I think I'm going to start my walking again. I felt energetic today... probably because I had tea. 😂 I did some light cleaning and laundry, and also watered some plants. But also, in general, I just feel better after having spent time with one of my best friends. Most of my friends are long-distance these days, so just having a break and not worrying about stuff and being with someone (besides Shaun) who loves me and understands me was super great. I think it really did me a lot of good.

Anyway. I'm crashing out at a appropriate hour, so I'm about to tuck myself in and call it a night. I hope y'all are doing well. ❤️❤️❤️

I love Trio Jalisciense! ❤️😊

I love Trio Jalisciense! ❤️😊

Quizás is always a hit!

Today, we got our exercise in.

Today, we got our exercise in.

We started the morning heading through the Jemez Mountains (in the car). There were so many scenic stops where we could walk around and take pictures. I got a bunch despite being the driver today. I even got one of a little waterfall!

Then we made it to the Valles Caldera National Preserve. The Caldera is where a volcano erupted and the land sank, so it's a flat area on top of a mountain. Shaun and I had gone before and saw the prairie dogs that live there, but this is the first time we saw the elk! There was a whole herd and it was amazing! They were super far away, but one of the rangers let us see them through his binoculars. When we go again, we'll definitely take binoculars and try to get a photograph through them!

After that, we drove towards the Bandelier National Monument. On our way there, we went through Los Alamos. That was interesting. There was a security check and they said "Don't turn right for the next mile and a half." It was government property and I guess we'd have gotten in trouble if we'd gone onto it. We saw a lot of signs that said "Tech" with a number. Didn't know what exactly those meant. We also saw Oppenheimer Drive. That was pretty neat.

We finally made it to the museum and monument and it was really interesting. The museum was small, but gave a good background on what we'd be seeing. The weather was warm; we're having a little heat wave. It was in the 90s today despite the 6066 foot elevation, but you gotta love the New Mexico breezes!

We hiked the monument loop and took a ton of pictures. It was really interesting to see how people made homes and towns there.

I know I say this all the time, but I love New Mexico and I love living in the desert. It's so beautiful and interesting here. The drive was scenic all day. There were decorative overpasses and walls when we started to head home through Santa Fe. It was just lovely all around, although I will admit we almost turned back halfway through the Bandelier loop. It was so hot with very little shade walking/climbing up the face of that mountain. The end half of the loop was through nice, shaded forest, though, so we're glad we stuck it out.

Here are a few photos. 😊

Just beautiful desert-scape through the Jemez Mountains

A little waterfall under that weird rock formation

Elk on the Caldera. They're the brown line just below the green patch.

One of the cave homes at Bandelier

A squirrel on top of some giant rock formations

Interesting cliff side at Bandelier

Yesterday we took a rest day.

Yesterday we took a rest day. We had lunch at Hot Tamales New Mexican Food and mostly just chilled out.

Today, we were ready to go adventure again. We went to Santa Fe, so OBVIOUSLY we had to see Meow Wolf Santa Fe. They had done some updating since the last time we'd been there, so there was new stuff for us to see even though this was the 3rd trip for me and Shaun. Even if they hadn't, we'd still go again and again because you just can't experience all of it, regardless. The most exciting part (for me) was a telephone with a video screen where we could see people at what I'm guessing is another Meow Wolf location. We could also speak to each other, but it was super distorted (probably intentionally). It was so neat when we realized that the people on the screen were interacting with us!

After Meow Wolf, we had lunch at Plaza Cafe Santa Fe, which is always delicious. Then we walked around the square. There was a vintage car show happening, which we didn't see advertised, so it was dumb luck that we found it. Janet and her mom are into old cars. I don't know a ton about them, but I do love seeing them fixed up all sexy and still working.

We found a really cool shop called The Mineral, Meteorite, and Fossil Gallery. Shaun bought me a fossil and a piece of black Tourmaline. The shop owner was very confusing and delightful. I wanna be his friend. 😂 There were also trash sculptures in there that looked to be made by the same person who made the Transformers. I also really wish I had $1200 for this flamingo/dinosaur hybrid. 🦩🦕

We took the long way home so we could see The Turquoise Trail. We found some cool rock formations at Garden of the Gods and also tons of really pretty blooming cholla.

We're off to bed so we can rest up for tomorrow!

Random Zia/Ghostbusters sticker on a pole outside of Meow Wolf

The "phone"/video station where we interacted with other people

All of the decor in this room was made from trash/recycled items. It was super cool.

The four of us taking a picture of us taking pictures. 😂

Saw these little monsters in the gift shop of Meow Wolf and had to snap the pic. I obviously have Ca7riel y Paco Amoroso on my brain. 😊

My fossil and tourmaline

Iron Man and Darth Vader made from scrap metal

🦩🦕

A bear holding a dragonfly statue

Garden of the Gods

Blooming Cholla

Last post for the night.

Last post for the night. Janet wanted to see Pinkman's Pickup spot (from Breaking Bad) and the Transformer statues, so we did that. She's got the photos for those things.

Then, we went and saw some cars. Specifically, the Batmobile, the De Lorean, the Mystery Machine, and the A-Team van. Here are a few pics.

Then we went to the The Paleta Bar Rio Rancho for a snack/dessert.

It was a busy, but fun day!

It's a lot of posts tonight, but...

It's a lot of posts tonight, but it's the first time I've chilled in a few days, so it's catch up. 😂

Today we went to the ABQ BioPark. We didn't make it to the zoo part, but we did see the Botanical Gardens, the Bugarium, the Aquarium, and the Shark Reef Cafe. The cafe was cool because it was part of the aquarium and you could watch the fish, rays, and sharks swim while you ate. The aquarium was pretty small compared to the ones in Tennessee and Georgia, but it was still very nice. I didn't take any photos there, though, because my phone was dying from the Botanical Gardens and Bugarium. Also, the Bugarium had Naked Mole Rats for some reason. I didn't get any good photos of them. They were roped off, so you could see them, but not up close.

I'm not going to post every cool photo that I took today because I don't think people want to scroll through all of that, but I'll post a few of the best ones with captions.

Shaun making faces near a Tree Aloe. 😂

Euphorbia something. It's really pretty.

Me and a Tree Aloe

Dragon in the area of the cave/maze for kids that we also definitely went into. 😂

Shaun in the cave

Me with a little cactus

Shaun said we can get married in here. 😂❤️ I guess if we ever decide to renew things, I know where we'll do it. 😊

This Agave is death-blooming. 🙁 It pushed through the thick leaves of the Yucca to get it's pollen up high.

Yesterday, we also went to Old Town Albuquerque to look around.

Yesterday, we also went to Old Town Albuquerque to look around. I was trying hard to be good and not buy things, but of course we had to get some candy from The Candy Lady. It's just not a stop in Old Town without some.

We also got thirsty and happened upon the Blackbird Coffeehouse, where Shaun won a free drink for balancing a coin on a lemon that was floating in water. I had a delicious and refreshing Prickly Pear Lemonade. The decor was gorgeous. Janet got most of the good pictures, so I'll post those later, but here are a few that I got.

Me and a Prickly Pear

Some flowers growing in Old Town

A wall at the coffeehouse

I love these chairs; they look like tree branches!

A bat skeleton hanging outside the coffeehouse

Yesterday, we went to Sawmill Market.

Yesterday, we went to Sawmill Market. Me and Shaun have been saying forever that we need to go in there, but we almost never do cool shit unless we have guests. 😂 It was really neat in there. It's like a large, indoor food court. There's just about everything you can imagine.

Sunday...

Sunday, we had Weck's right after the airport, then went riding around and hiked to see some Petroglyphs at the Petroglyph National Monument. Afterwards, we had some delicious green chile and pepperoni pizza from Dion's.

Monday, we had a balloon ride (our third one with Rainbow Ryders, Inc. Hot Air Balloon Co. - Albuquerque), went to US Forest Service - Cibola National Forest & National Grasslands, then to The Range Café. The food was delicious. Janet had the green chile apple pie with cinnamon ice cream and seemed to love it.

View from the mountain

Some pretty lichen on the mountain

Mural on the side of The Range Cafe

The Range Cafe has tons of plates signed by celebrities.

Life update:

Life update:

Me and Shaun lost our health insurance at the end of April.  We have too much in savings to be eligible for Medicaid here, so we'll have to pay out of pocket for other state insurance.  It's going to be about $750/month to get ourselves covered, which isn't ideal since I'm unemployed.  But I'm grateful for the option.  Btw, the kids still have their Medicaid, so they're fine.

I haven't been to therapy since mid-May because I can't afford to pay $250/week for it.  But I'm doing ok mentally.  We will have to purchase insurance by next month because I won't have enough medication left to be normal if I don't.  I have a supply of my antidepressant and antianxiety, as well as the hormones I need.  I will check in with Shaun tomorrow and see where he is with medication.  Also, I'm going to push him to go to urgent care if his sinus infection doesn't clear up.

I feel like I really needed the deep rest, so being laid off was kind of a relief at first.  Now I've been sick for the last week or so, and I've needed a bunch of rest to recover from that.  I'm feeling mostly better, though, so now I'm just feeling really untethered; but not in a good way.  I guess "aimless" would be a good word to describe it.

There is so much I could be doing.  I could finish swatching my polish.  Work on my database.  Try to sell some of the jewelry I made since I don't have an income.  Try to sell some of our extra stuff from around the house because I love to declutter and money would be nice.

I could clean.  I could do the laundry I've been meaning to do for more than 6 weeks.  I'm down to wearing nightgowns day in and day out because I am literally out of clean clothes.  😆  I could at least make myself some healthy food, but I've been living on soup and pizza rolls and rice pudding for weeks.  I have no willpower to do anything except for water my plants.

The one positive from this downtime is that I have actually started gaining some energy back.  Not enough that I want to use it yet, but it's harder to lay around and that's a good thing.  For the past two nights in a row, I've dreamed about roller skating.  I feel like that's a good sign.  I've ordered a boot stretcher so that I can stretch the toe of my skates and hopefully wear them for longer periods.  They fit toe-to-heel, but I have wide feet and the toe box is so narrow.  It's hard to wear them for long.

As much as schedules feel like prison, I'm far more productive and stable when I have one.

Anyway.  I know of several people who were let go from my previous company and no one is having luck getting hired anywhere.  I'm pretty sure it's the job market and not us.  I have degrees in Math and Computer Science, as well as certifications in ServiceNow.  I feel like I should be pretty marketable.  I had been looking for work involving ServiceNow, but I'm starting to think I need to widen my search and see if that helps.  I'm also considering looking into Salesforce.

Other than that, I have some friends visiting soon and I am so excited about it.  I feel like I need it and I think we all will have a great time.

I hope y'all are doing well.  ❤  I'm not 100%, but things will get better.

I'm late to the party, as usual.

I'm late to the party, as usual. Me and Shaun just finished watching the Twilight series today. I'd seen a couple of the movies before, and he hadn't seen any, so that's what we've done the last 3 days.

I'm not trying to post spoilers, but I like how it ended.

When Kira comes down we're probably gonna do girl talk about it. 😂

I had a tickle in my throat yesterday...

I had a tickle in my throat yesterday. I feel straight up bad this morning.

I guess I've got whatever Shaun had. Yay.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I've done literally nothing for weeks except put in job applications. I haven't gotten any calls back, so I am going to have to change my strategy. Fun.

Other than that I have rested. Like, deeply rested. Like, "slept 12-15 hour days, laid in bed even awake, done not a single chore" type of rested. I felt like I needed it. It's only the last couple of days that I've started to feel like a person again.

Unfortunately, Shaun is sick. I think it started with allergies, but it turned into a sinus infection. Now he's coughing a bunch. He says he's starting to feel better, and I hope he is. I'm still getting up tomorrow to watch the baby (Bear), so Shaun can hopefully get more rest.

When I went out to water plants the other day I almost lost my wedding band. I guess I've lost enough weight that my ring is slipping off. This is the smallest I've been in at least 7 years. I'm not complaining.

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm low-energy, but I'm not eating much, so that's probably why. Maybe after the next 15 lbs are gone I'll switch to a maintenance dose of Semaglutide and see about eating more and walking/lifting again. I should probably exercise now, but I don't want to and I can admit that, so... 🤷🏻 It just is what it is. I guess I'm trying to build my willpower back up.

I really miss skating. I need to get myself to go do that again. It's a lot more fun than walking.

I haven't had a haircut in a while. For years I had kept at least part of my head shaved, but here I sit with my scalp covered in hair. It's about down to my armpits now. I keep it bunned up most of the time, so it's not a lot of trouble. I have a silver streak in the front just like my MaMaw had. I think it's actually kind of pretty, but it could probably use a trim.

Scar is so cute. He needs his inhaler 2x day, and since I give him a treat after he breathes his meds, he reminds me now to do it. It's still not his favorite thing, but half of the time when I hold him to give it to him, he's purring and the little valve flap is fluttering, so I'm glad he doesn't hate it. 😂 Forget old dogs - I taught my old kitty cat a new trick! ❤️

I still haven't done Shaun's nails. I am so terrible. He's been tempted to try doing gel himself and it's honestly not hard, but he'd cure it on his skin and give himself an allergy. Maybe when he's not coughing all over the place I can finally get it done.

Goodnight, friends. I hope y'all are doing well.

I'm finally about to shower.

I'm finally about to shower. I've been able to keep food in for the last 17 hours. Woo!

Shaun changed my sheets earlier because they were disgusting. He's made me soup all day and brought me everything I needed. I really appreciate him.

He almost never gets sick in the disgusting ways that I do. In the 17 years we've been together, he hasn't thrown up once. That's unfathomable to me. I don't understand how that happens.

I'm down 4 lbs in 2 days. Not exactly how I wanted to do it, but I guess I'll take any wins I can get. 😂

So the question earlier...

So the question earlier stemmed from the fact that I say "in the dash" instead of "in the glove box." Apparently, it is confusing to Shaun, so I'm gonna try to remember to say "in the glove box" next time. I just grew up hearing "in the dash" and thought that was pretty normal. But I like to be precise with my words, so I'll work on this.

Oddly, this isn't the first time we've run into this. But I'm glad I'm not the only one who understood what I meant. 😂 Thank you if you answered my question. ❤️