I slept in my own bed last night for the first time in 3 or 4 nights and I needed that. I have been exhausted all week because it wasn't restful sleep cuddling my cat each night while wondering if he was comfortable or ok or if this was our last night together, or sleeping so light that I woke up every time he moved. My body also hurt because I didn't move to get comfortable if he seemed to be comfortable. But after the optimistic report from the vet yesterday I finally felt ok to sleep in my own bed and rest.
When I woke up today Shaun had already fed and medicated him. He started his new meds this morning - a short course of antibiotics and an appetite stimulant. Scar had been making small improvements before this new medication and I don't think it has had any time to work yet, but when I came downstairs Shaun showed me Scar's plate - he used it lick it clean, but lately has only picked at his food. Today he did better, though - he ate most of it, thank goodness. He's already had a bunch of diarrhea, but the last one I cleaned up was thicker. Not quite back to soft-serve, but hopefully we'll get there soon. He also has some FortiFlora being delivered today, so I'll be giving that to him, as well. I will keep everyone posted.
I want to address the situation of the vet that wouldn't help him the other day. Please don't misunderstand - I get why she didn't want to help him or euthanize him without seeing his previous records. I probably would have felt the same way were I in her shoes. While I am grateful to still have my cat with me I am still not 100% appreciative of her decision. Me and Shaun have made many end-of-life decisions and it's never easy. We've learned that there is almost always a point where you feel hopeful and want to hang on, but it rarely turns out to have been a good thing for the animal. Looking back there are several of my pets that I wish I'd let go sooner to spare them the suffering. Just because Scar seems to be on the mend does not mean that it definitely would have gone this way or that he doesn't have a painful crash about to happen soon. This just as easily could be going worse for him and for us, and it still could. So I guess "mixed feelings" is where I am in regards to that. I definitely want to feel hopeful that he'll make a full recovery and possibly not have some form of diarrhea outside of the box for the rest of his life, but we've been battling this for so long already that I don't know if I can let myself believe it's possible without seeing it happen. Then again, he did shit a turd the other day.
Anyway, it's been a hard week and I needed to process some emotions. Last night was the first night in days that I didn't cry myself to sleep. It's been such a roller-coaster. It is really hard having so many elderly pets at one time.
Speaking of, Sindar is doing ok. She's had one arthritis shot and another due the first week of August. She's on gabapentin until the 2nd shot kicks in, if it will work for her and actually does kick in. She's still blind or mostly blind, but we've managed to get her gabapentin to a dose where she's not drunk and energetically walking / staggering into everything. One thing that has been happening for the last few weeks, though, is that she does her yodel-cry frequently. I can talk to her, pet her, feed her, give her treats - and it only stops her for a few minutes. The only thing that quiets her for an extended period is Shaun's presence. She just wants him near her. She will cry until I ask him to come upstairs to be with her. He hugs her and pets her and talks to her, then she's done with attention. She might walk around for a few minutes after that, but it never fails that EVERY TIME he comes up she goes to the space near our pillows where she likes to sleep and takes a nap. He has to sneak out of the room as though he just put an infant down to nap. It's pretty cute, but dang. But we'll do our best to keep her happy and comfortable while she's with us.