Nick's right...

that no matter how much I sleep I am always still tired. It's pathetic... I've slept most of my weekend away and I feel like crap right now. I think my problem is that I need more regular sleep - not sporadic naps during the day with a greatly varying bedtime during the week. I think my body is confused right now... it simply doesn't know when the hell to be tired so it just goes with "all the time." I'm having a bedtime this week and I'm going to see how that goes. Hopefully, that will help.

I remember in the fifth grade I would wake up at 5 am every morning - just so I could hot-roll my hair before school. (Wow, I have changed.) And I could get up then without a problem. Didn't get tired during the day, either. It was great. Never thought I'd miss the fifth grade - especially since my teacher then was a bitch. Oh well.

I feel pretty rough right now, both physically and emotionally. I've been fighting a migraine all day and I think it's finally winning. I would just take some medication, but it has so much caffeine that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. Speaking of caffeine:  That's something that I've gotta lay off of. I used to never ever drink anything that contained it and now I HAVE to have coffee everyday just to keep from falling asleep. It rules me at this point... I have to have it or I get sleepy and a headache. I hate feeling like I depend on something to get through daily life. That's what you call an addiction.

I think another thing that has been dragging me down is food. I've become much less particular about what I shove down my throat on a daily basis and that can't be good. Oh shit! I'm becoming American! Just wait - I'll be fat before you know it. I know a few of you out there would like to see that. Well, I was kidding. I have no intention of keeping this shit up. I can't because I pretty much don't like anyone or anything - myself included. (More like, myself especially). But anyway. Things have got to change.

One more thing. I need to start dancing again. That used to be my thing I did to pass time. I used to do it all the time... alone, or with Shadow. I didn't care. I need to stop being so damn shy about it, but I am. I guess I'm not really living... you know how they say "Dance like nobody's watching"... well, I find that hard - especially when people do indeed look at you. But it's a good way to stay in shape... just get the hell up and move. That's all you gotta do.

Now I do more of the "sitting on my ass" kind of passing time... i.e. myspace. Which is yet more of sitting on my ass just like I do for 40 hours a week at work. NOT GOOD. I may have to start putting restrictions on myself. Not a bad idea, really. My only hang up with that is that I like to write and here (aside from email) is the only time I do that. But I don't post blogs very often anymore so I think limiting myself wouldn't hinder that much.

Well, anyway, I guess that's it. I just wanted to clear my head some... and writing is how I do it. I apologize to anyone who just read all of this pointless blubber. But thank you if you did.

Love,

Blu