It hasn't been my best week.

It hasn't been my best week.

Almost 2 weeks ago I switched my ServiceNow certifications over from my GlideFast email to my personal one since I'm no longer with the company. I got a message that it would take 3-5 days for the switch to take place. It wasn't working after 3-5 days, so I thought I'd give it a few more days (so that it would be 3-5 business days) to get right. That didn't work...

So I opened a case with ServiceNow on Monday and they gave an auto-response that wasn't helpful. I gave details why it wasn't working, then got another response a few days ago. It gave some instructions on what to do and how to log in, so I tried that. I tried it on a couple of browsers, but it just kept refreshing a log in loop. I replied to the help ticket to let them know, but I'm still waiting.

So... I still don't have access to my own certifications, and they're not coming up under either email address, according to a recruiter I spoke to. So even if someone wanted to hire me, they couldn't verify my credentials. 😕

I've had 2 weeks of "free" time, but both of them have felt awful. The sudden scramble to make sure we have health insurance, dealing with unemployment, trying to update my resume on top of the ServiceNow mess...

I don't know what I did wrong on Indeed, but all it's showing me is Senior TC work, which is above my head. Also, I'm having pretty major anxiety about getting hired anywhere. I worry that I won't be able to do a good job and it's not great for my mental health.

It's all been pretty stressful. No wonder I had a migraine day today.

I hope y'all are doing well. If not, tomorrow is another day.

Y'all, I'm struggling right now.

Y'all, I'm struggling right now.

There are several things going on at once, but I'm going through one of my phases where I am exhausted and my routine is non-existent and my self-care is going to shit and I feel ungrounded and it's just straight-up not a good time.

Part of it is stress.  Overall, things are pretty good, but there are some things nagging at me that need to be resolved.  I have probably said that I am doing this before, but I am literally doing it now:  I'm looking for a therapist.  I also think I probably need to be evaluated for Autism/Adhd.  I'm just not functioning like I "should" or would like to.  There are so many things that I relate to within the AuDhd community and if there is help out there for me, then I want it.

I missed a day of work this past week.  That is a whole fun, TMI story, but when has that ever stopped me?  😂

So the doctor who prescribed me the Semaglutide compound told me to stay at the lowest dose (.25mg) for at least 4 weeks.  They said to stay there as long as it was working, and that when I felt I needed to increase the dosage I could do it in .25mg increments.  I started feeling like I needed to increase my dosage and I'd been there for 6 weeks, so this past Tuesday I took .50mg.  I even did the shot by myself.

Well.  Tuesday and most of Wednesday went fine, but I'd been battling a migraine since Monday; I had kept it at bay for 2 days with a lot of Ibuprofen, but it was coming.  I took my migraine pills and went to sleep Wednesday night.  I woke up in the middle of the night with diarrhea and such a super full, overly stuffed feeling in my stomach.  The diarrhea lasted all night and my stomach was so uncomfortable.  Kira could hear me coming in and out of the bathroom and messaged me to check on me.  I told her what was up and she grabbed a Propel water and brought it upstairs for me.  She's sweet.

Recently, my psoriasis has been breaking out, and I think that was due to the protein shakes.  So I cut them out, and when I needed a thick drink I'd just have Lactaid Whole Milk.  And I think that, plus the double-dose of Semaglutide is what got me.  You're not supposed to get crazy on fatty foods on this medication and I just didn't even consider that.

Anyway, I messaged work at about 4 in the morning on Thursday saying that I needed a sick day because I DEFINITELY did.  I still had a headache, had not slept more than an hour stretch thanks to my butt, and I would've been useless.  Thursday morning, Shaun went and picked up some Imodium for me and that shut the booty faucet off for a bit.  I still felt uncomfortably full in my stomach, but tried to sleep off my headache.  At some point my headache disappeared, but I kept that really uncomfortable, overly-full feeling well into Thursday night despite not eating much that day.

I have (thankfully) felt mostly pretty ok physically today, but I've gotta get my mental shit in order ASAP.

As for the Semaglutide, I've read that splitting the higher dose can be helpful in reducing side effects, so I'm going to try that.  I'm going to take the .25mg on Tuesday like I was, and then 4 days later the next .25mg, and then 4 days later do it again and keep going like that if I feel ok.  I am pretty sure that if/when it's time to up my dose again I will do it very slowly (like .05mg/injection or something) because I don't want to go through that again.  I'm not trying to lose weight fast - I just want to feel like myself again.  It's ok with me if that takes time.

Anyway, all that is to say that it wasn't a really fun week overall, but I survived it and learned something, so I guess it's ok.

I hope things are going better for y'all.  If not, hang in there. ❤

It has been a Migraine Monday.

It has been a Migraine Monday. I held on at work through the power of Ibuprofen, but as soon as I got off I took my migraine meds and crashed.

Now it's almost 11 and I'm awake. 😬🫠

I felt rough all weekend...

I felt rough all weekend, like my migraine was on the verge of coming back. I took my migraine medicine last night and went to sleep early. Twelve hours of sleep later and I feel much better.

I hope multi-day serious headaches aren't going to become my new "thing."

Phew, today has been rough.

Phew, today has been rough. I woke up around 10 with what I thought was a tension headache. I took some Tylenol because that's all I had in the bedroom (besides my migraine meds, which I thought would be overkill). I went back to sleep hoping to wake up feeling better. Unfortunately, that is not what happened.

I got up after 3 only because Adrian intentionally spilled a box of cat treats and I needed to clean them up so she and Scar wouldn't get sick. I felt TERRIBLE.

The headache was still there. But my face felt numb, my head swimmy, and my words weren't coming out great. I've never been drunk, but I would describe that feeling as a little drunk. Shaun ordered us some good food, we ate, cuddled up and watched a movie, then I went up and took migraine meds and went back to bed.

I just woke up and feel somewhat normal-ish. I'm definitely not 100%, but I'm not in pain anymore, thank goodness.

I guess I need to see a doctor because that really didn't feel normal. Great.

I crashed hard after I took my meds.

I crashed hard after I took my meds. Scar was eating and not with me.

I woke up at 3 and he wasn't on my pillow. Usually, he wants under my cheek or just flops down on my nose. If I move, he moves (just like that). Sorry, couldn't resist - but yeah. If I move, he re-snuggles me almost immediately every time. He sometimes runs me off the pillow until I'm sideways in bed. 

But last night, he was near my chest, not touching me at all. 😭😭😭

When I woke up and noticed, I petted him. He reached a paw out and touched my chest. He's back to halfway on my pillow now, but still keeping some space. He's touching my arm, but not snuggling.

I may have bitten him harder than I thought. In my dream I was biting in self-defense, so I wasn't fucking around. He didn't cry out or run away, but he was asleep and probably as stunned as I was. He's definitely behaving different towards me, though, and I'm sad. I know it sounds funny, (and maybe it is) but in reality I was messed up about it all day yesterday.

I've felt rough all day.

I've felt rough all day. I've been taking Ibuprofen to keep my headache at bay, but it's not enough. I just took my migraine meds and I'm heading to bed. Hopefully, I will sleep so hard I don't even dream.

I woke up around 4 this morning...

I woke up around 4 this morning with a migraine brewing. I took some meds and headed it off, but I slept terribly and was tired all day. I ended up working from couch. Shaun made me cheesy toast and soup for lunch. I just slogged through the day as best I could and took a nap as soon as I got off work.

Unrelated, I feel like I might be having some allergies. I worked in the greenhouse yesterday and kicked up a bunch of dust. I don't feel sick, thank goodness. Just itchy and runny of the nose. It'll be great if that doesn't progress into something worse.

I have my first client demo early tomorrow morning. I'm excited. I'm going to wake up early and take a shower so I'll hopefully feel clear-headed enough to communicate. I feel like a whole mess right now, so I'm heading to bed shortly. Hopefully some rest will do me good.

Happy Monday. 😂😂😂

This makes my third week on Testosterone and Hypothyroid meds.

This makes my third week on Testosterone and Hypothyroid meds. According to the doctor, I should be feeling pretty good by now - and I do.

• No migraines since I started these meds
• Sleeping better
• Not always cold; in fact I'm sometimes warm without a hoodie and blanket
• I've got a bit more energy
• Even though I've felt stress, I'm not taken out by it
• Not as achy as I was, but it's still there
• Have possibly lost a little weight, but I'm not really tracking it
• I still have bouts of brain fog, but I'm finding my words better than I used to

This is DEFINITELY improvement. I'll have my hormone levels tested pretty soon and see how it looks from that perspective, but I'm grateful that I'm feeling a good bit better.

I don't know what would get me back to 100% (or if it's even possible to do so), but I'm going to try to stay on top of my self-care and continue looking for answers for whatever ails me. I won't say that I don't trust doctors, but I feel better when I'm an active participant in my care. It feels better than taking someone's word over something as important as health.

Also, just throwing this out there since it's a health update:  My lichen sclerosis is under control, as well. My downstairs is ok and still there and doing what it should. I was terrified that it would never be ok, but it is and that's a huge relief.

For the past week I've been super stressed.

For the past week I've been super stressed. Politically, there is a whole lot going on and I'm sure that's a strategy to overwhelm us. I'm trying not to let it work. I also had some work stress, which ended up not being bad, but I did work some longer hours. That's ok. My point is that I slept late today because I just felt like I needed it.

At 1:something, Shaun came upstairs to check on me, which I normally appreciate, but I was still half asleep and he was turned up to 100. 😂😂😂 He was like "I thawed a rat and need your help feeding the snake we could've gone on a road trip today I can probably feed the snake by myself it's whatever what do you want to do?" and I'm just tucked in with my cat and squinting at him like "Wtf, bro?"

I'm so glad he felt great today, but that was a bit much. 😂😂😂

Anyway, I slept late and didn't have a sleep hangover, so to me that says I needed it. Despite feeling stressed most of the week, I didn't have nightmares last night. I actually had pleasant and entertaining dreams for once. I can't remember the last time that happened.

So yesterday was 2 full weeks on Testosterone and I haven't had a migraine despite my stress levels, so that's amazing. I'm finally sleeping at night again and it's wonderful. Even if I wake up to pee or whatever I'm usually able to fall back asleep. I also feel less brain-foggy and that is a huge relief.

I haven't hopped on a scale, but I feel like I might have lost some weight, too. I'm not doing anything crazy. I have a 32-day streak of walking at least 15 minutes per day. I started small because I figured it would be easier to make into a habit. I am still doing weights 3x/week, except that I skipped 2 days last week. Instead of beating myself up, I'm just going to pick up where I left off this coming week.

I don't know if weight loss would be due to the Testosterone or not, but I also started meds for Hypothyroid around the same time. All I do know is that I tried to lose weight before, during, and after college and it didn't matter if I fasted for days and walked an hour a day at the gym, it wasn't budging. But now I feel like I'm not actually trying hard and it's happening, not to mention that I don't constantly feel like I'm freezing all the time.

Whatever it is, I'm grateful that I'm feeling more normal. I also feel like I finally have a say over the state of my body. It's just weird to me that I spent so much time trying to get in shape and it wasn't happening, but now that my hormones are medicated, it doesn't feel like it will be impossible anymore. Hopefully, this will be a healthy year for me. We shall see.

Today wasn't 💯, but...

Today wasn't 💯, but it really wasn't bad considering how terribly I slept due to how anxious I was about work.

I kind of bit off a lot to do on Thursday and the rest of my team has to wait for me to do my part before they can do theirs, so that's no pressure. /sarcasm 😂 I worked on it some Thursday and Friday, but I knew I'd feel better if I just had some quiet hours to dedicate to it today.

I slept late today because of how bad I slept. I finally texted Shaun to come get me out of the bedroom in the afternoon because I was just so anxious that I wasn't moving. He got me up, and I ended up getting most of my work done today. I didn't make any actual changes to the client's instance, but I have everything documented and linked in Excel so that we (as a team) can go over it on Monday and knock it out quickly. I just didn't want to be in there making that many changes without a second set of eyes.

Anyway, I feel good because I got so much done. I'm also really happy because usually when my anxiety is up and my sleep is bad I get a migraine. That didn't happen today - thank goodness. Testosterone is supposed to help with anxiety and migraines, so that may be why I didn't. If all I get is a little stuck and needing a nudge, I am fine with that. I usually know how/when to ask for help.

Well, it's 1 in the morning. I'm heading to bed. I hope I get some good sleep tonight. Hopefully I will since I don't feel worried about anything at the moment.

Three hours was enough of awakeness.

Three hours was enough of awakeness. I'm still drowsy from my meds and I feel kind of crappy, so I'm going back to bed.

I have taken Ibuprofen, so hopefully it'll keep my head ok-ish. I didn't want to take my migraine meds because I need to work tomorrow and it'll have me drowsy and brain-foggy. If I have to take my migraine meds, I will probably need to call out, so paws crossed the Ibuprofen works.

Goodnight, friends. ❤️

I don't know what happened, but...

I don't know what happened, but last night I started feeling TERRIBLE. I felt like I had a migraine, but also a fever. I took my migraine meds and went to bed. Unfortunately, that didn't help.

I laid in bed basically using breathing techniques to distract myself from the pain and the nausea. Eventually, I started throwing up. Usually if I just have a migraine, I throw up once and then sleep it off. But last night it happened several times.

I don't know if what we DoorDashed yesterday didn't sit well on my stomach or what, but I didn't stop throwing up until this morning when it was ALL GONE.

Shaun, despite being sick himself, came to check on me this morning. (We sleep separately when one of us is sick.) He brought me water and Zofran, but I couldn't take Zofran with migraine meds, which I still felt I needed, so I just sipped water. I barely got any down when I had to ask him to hand me the trashcan to throw up.

Unfortunately, I heaved so hard I peed a little, which was no good because I was still sitting in my bed. Hugging the trashcan, I started making my way to the bathroom when I heaved again and peed a little in floor. Made it to the toilet and proceeded to make all kinds of pretty sounds. I couldn't even get the door shut. I'm not one of those "pee with the door open" people, but I guess I was this morning.

While all of that was going on, Shaun started stripping and cleaning and making the bed. I eventually finished puking, cleaned myself and the floor up, and laid back down. Took another migraine pill and kept it down. I'm basically just now awake from sleeping that off.

I don't feel wonderful, but I don't feel ANYWHERE near as bad as I did, thank goodness.

I can't remember the last time I felt that bad. Maybe when we still lived in Talladega and I had a bad migraine and couldn't get out of the floor and also puked so hard I peed myself. But I still feel like this was worse because it drug out all night.

Anyway. It doesn't matter. I'm here. I have the best husband who still takes care of me even when he feels bad. I'm heading down to see how he feels and if there's anything I can do to help him now that I might be a functional person.

I sincerely hope y'all have had a better weekend than we did. ❤️ It was a rough one.

I woke up feeling rough.

I woke up feeling rough. I have a tension headache from nightmares and it's trying hard to be a migraine. I've taken meds and now I'm having a drink (Vanilla Coconut Dr. Pepper).

It's Friday. Hopefully, I can just get through the work day.

I'm having a migraine day.

I'm having a migraine day. I am so grateful they they don't happen as often these days, but I hate that nightmares seem to be my most recent trigger. Almost every migraine I've had in the past year has been after a night of nightmares. 🙁

We made it to Lowe's, but came home empty-handed.

We made it to Lowe's, but came home empty-handed. They only had decorative gravel.

It's whatever. It's raining and I feel like garbage, anyway. I've been fighting off a migraine since I woke up. It's all I can do to stay awake.

Thank goodness the cold snap won't last long. And the plants are safe and dry, even if the greenhouse isn't perfect yet.

I have felt like crap for days.

I have felt like crap for days. I think it's a combination of residual "getting over the stress of the last thing I posted" + PMS + a slight allergy acting up.

I never heard back from the person in the dog situation, although they did read the message as soon as I sent it. I know they probably feel so let down.

When they called and told me that I was their plan I said that I understood and would do my best. I don't do great with confrontation and I was hopeful that I could help. Getting the message that I can't must have been a rough blow, but after days of consideration and racking my brain and talking to you all about my options it became apparent that I didn't have any choices that kept us all safe. I'm still sad about it for the sake of the dogs, but I know that this, like Oreo's situation was, is beyond my control. Sometimes life is hard like that.

Thank you all for being there for me. ❤️

I had stress dreams last night...

TRIGGER WARNING:  Mention of animal abuse.

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I had stress dreams last night and I've been messed up all day from it.

I took 800mg of Ibuprofen when I woke up this morning for the tension headache I was greeted with. I went back to sleep until it eased off enough that I could shower. I finally did that around 1 pm and DoorDashed some food around 3.

I've felt so brain-foggy and fatigued with a lingering headache all day.

Here it is bedtime and I just took more Ibuprofen because I still feel like crap.

The reason for the stress dreams is that I have a "friend" who's dying. They have been in hospice care on and off for the last 3-ish years. This person has 2 unsocialized, large breed dogs. One with a bite history, both with a history of fighting/killing smaller animals. And I was told recently that when this person finally drops dead I'm expected to take a 6 hour trip to go and pick these dogs up. Then I can "do my foster thing or whatever. As long as they don't end up as yard dogs."

This person has alienated pretty much all of their friends and family from them due to drug and alcohol abuse. We reconnected after they were already dying of cirrhosis, so I guess I missed out on them at their worst. I've visited them a few times (upon their request/guilt trip - never because I wanted to drop what I was doing and drive half a day or a whole day to see them).

I think that the dogs are poorly managed. They are house trained. They know "sit." The male is not neutered and goes through stages of being disobedient/headstrong and peeing indoors. That's about all of the training they've had. Other than that, they are used to being yelled at and kicked and otherwise treated poorly despite their "inside dog" status.

Every time I've visited this friend, the dogs immediately take to me. A few months ago I helped this dying person move from Arizona to Texas and it was awful. Instead of managing the dogs, the owner was more than happy to beat and yell at them for doing the wrong thing. For inching closer in the moving van despite being unrestrained. For pulling the leash when we tried to walk them. Stuff like that. I hated it and I told this person I was never going to help them again because of it. I don't take animal abuse lightly. (I never saw this happen on previous visits. I get that moving is stressful, but that's just not acceptable to me no matter what.)

This person is currently "disappointed" that I won't move them and the dogs from Texas to Alabama. But like... I have a family. I have a job. I paid for the rental van and hotel and gas to move them on the first trip and they never paid me back despite saying they would. I can't afford to do it again even if I wanted to. Not only that, I had to DoorDash boxes and tape to them so they could pack, and I ended up loading the van mostly by myself. This person is definitely sick and not doing well, but damn. That was a strain in so many ways on me.

So I'm stressing about when this person dies. I am not bothered by the fact that they are actively dying. It happens to all of us and they have had more than enough time to stop drinking and whatnot if they wanted to live. They made their choice. Repeatedly.

My concern is the dogs, obviously. I think that in the right homes they would do well. The female (a Heeler mix) is spayed and older. She's ornery and a little overweight. She has hip problems. She likes to swim. When we were at the hotel she asked to sleep with me so I helped her onto the bed and she stayed there with me all night. I feel that it's telling she didn't sleep with her dying owner, but then again I had just witnessed her get the shit kicked out of her when she got out of the van for being excited and pulling the leash (despite not being leash trained, ever).

This dog has bitten people and fought other dogs. But I really think those things happened out of poor management. I don't know how risky it would be to place her into another home (with everything I know disclosed, of course). If I didn't have to take Shaun and the kids' feelings into concern on the matter I would try her here. I would crate and rotate if necessary. Unfortunately, no one here is comfortable with trying it and I get it. I just fear that she's not adoptable due to many factors and I hate it.

The male dog (a LARGE bull dog breed) is a big goober. He is playful with other large dogs and friendly to people. He's 8 years old. I think he would be adoptable into the right home (one with no small animals). He definitely needs to be neutered. He hates water. He drools. He's cock-eyed. He's got a big, meaty head and just wants to be loved on. He's somehow quite charming despite my lovely description. 😂 I think he could find a home - just not ours because we have cats.

I don't know what to do. I don't know when this person is going to die and dump all of this responsibility on me. I don't have a plan for when it happens. I can't contact rescues and ask that they hold a spot for some dogs I'll eventually inherit. I am not in Alabama anymore where I have rescue contacts to help me network. Literally the only thing I can think to do is to pick them up and hope a shelter near me will take them.

They are not welcome guests (neither the dogs nor their owner) where they live now. The person did that to themselves, so again - no sympathy from me on that. But the dogs... The dogs didn't ask for any of this and I'm really not sure how I can get them a decent outcome from this shit show.

Thank you in advance for any ideas you might have because obviously I am stressing the hell out. Stress is a migraine trigger for me and I need solutions or I'm not going to be ok until this person dies and these dogs are dealt with.

Edited to add:  I sent this person this message. I already feel so much better. I was wrecked without even having the dogs. This is just not possible for me.

I had to a take a nap...

I had to a take a nap because I had a bad headache. I really thought I was about to get a migraine, but luckily I caught it in time.

I was about to get up and I looked down and saw this. Bear still isn't a couch person, but he's napping under my recliner. He napped with me and that kind of makes my day. ❤️

I'm feeling extra SPICY today...

I'm feeling extra SPICY today and this is just me blowing off some steam. 😬

I'm cold and uncomfortable and I'm mad about it. The temperature in the house is 70°F and it's sunny out and I'm in a hoodie and socks (with my other clothes, duh) and also under a blanket and I'm still not warming up.

I'm having ANXIETY because there are some things to do around here and they are slow to get done. We're doing the things we have control over (look at my picture - we cleaned the "junk pile" that was in the dining room / other side of my office - so that's nice), but we're waiting on things we just have to wait on. Like the tree trimming that has turned into tree removals 😭😭😭 and the floor situation in the sunroom (we can't put the floor down until it arrives).

I'm sad about the 2 trees were losing, but they're sick and there's no saving them. 😞 The new floor in the sunroom would make cleaning SUPER easy. Right now it's concrete and awful to sweep / vacuum (the litter boxes are out there). We're also waiting for a custom glass panel for our sliding glass door. Right now we have to leave the door open for Bear. The custom one will have a doggie door in it. (Cubba and the cats have been using a doggie door that's placed in a low window with stairs, and Bear can't do stairs.)

The built-in doggie door and the sunroom floor will be super nice to have done because then we can remove the stairs at the window and also have room to move Tort Baby out there, which I am excited to do because I get sensory overload like a bitch when he's scratching next to me and I'm trying to think about / do anything else... Which is a problem because this space is my office now. 😬😂

I am an ENTIRE, WHOLE mess right now because all of these things are nagging at me and on top of it all (or more like, beneath it, probably - and one of the major reasons I'm dealing with things so poorly) is the fact that I've been super terrible with my diet and exercise for a while now so my psoriasis is coming back and my skin feels TERRIBLE. I can only blame myself for that part, but the worse I feel the less good I take care of myself, so it's a bad negative spiral that I need to break ASAP.

Fun times. 😂

Stress sucks.

I think with all of the house changes, losing Oreo, starting a new project at work, the things wrong with Bear, keeping our old cats in good health, etc.... It's been kind of a lot the last few months. No wonder my self-care has been slipping. I need to chill down and focus.

At least having my junk pile cleaned up will help that. It's a good start.