Life update:

Life update:

Me and Shaun lost our health insurance at the end of April.  We have too much in savings to be eligible for Medicaid here, so we'll have to pay out of pocket for other state insurance.  It's going to be about $750/month to get ourselves covered, which isn't ideal since I'm unemployed.  But I'm grateful for the option.  Btw, the kids still have their Medicaid, so they're fine.

I haven't been to therapy since mid-May because I can't afford to pay $250/week for it.  But I'm doing ok mentally.  We will have to purchase insurance by next month because I won't have enough medication left to be normal if I don't.  I have a supply of my antidepressant and antianxiety, as well as the hormones I need.  I will check in with Shaun tomorrow and see where he is with medication.  Also, I'm going to push him to go to urgent care if his sinus infection doesn't clear up.

I feel like I really needed the deep rest, so being laid off was kind of a relief at first.  Now I've been sick for the last week or so, and I've needed a bunch of rest to recover from that.  I'm feeling mostly better, though, so now I'm just feeling really untethered; but not in a good way.  I guess "aimless" would be a good word to describe it.

There is so much I could be doing.  I could finish swatching my polish.  Work on my database.  Try to sell some of the jewelry I made since I don't have an income.  Try to sell some of our extra stuff from around the house because I love to declutter and money would be nice.

I could clean.  I could do the laundry I've been meaning to do for more than 6 weeks.  I'm down to wearing nightgowns day in and day out because I am literally out of clean clothes.  😆  I could at least make myself some healthy food, but I've been living on soup and pizza rolls and rice pudding for weeks.  I have no willpower to do anything except for water my plants.

The one positive from this downtime is that I have actually started gaining some energy back.  Not enough that I want to use it yet, but it's harder to lay around and that's a good thing.  For the past two nights in a row, I've dreamed about roller skating.  I feel like that's a good sign.  I've ordered a boot stretcher so that I can stretch the toe of my skates and hopefully wear them for longer periods.  They fit toe-to-heel, but I have wide feet and the toe box is so narrow.  It's hard to wear them for long.

As much as schedules feel like prison, I'm far more productive and stable when I have one.

Anyway.  I know of several people who were let go from my previous company and no one is having luck getting hired anywhere.  I'm pretty sure it's the job market and not us.  I have degrees in Math and Computer Science, as well as certifications in ServiceNow.  I feel like I should be pretty marketable.  I had been looking for work involving ServiceNow, but I'm starting to think I need to widen my search and see if that helps.  I'm also considering looking into Salesforce.

Other than that, I have some friends visiting soon and I am so excited about it.  I feel like I need it and I think we all will have a great time.

I hope y'all are doing well.  ❤  I'm not 100%, but things will get better.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I've done literally nothing for weeks except put in job applications. I haven't gotten any calls back, so I am going to have to change my strategy. Fun.

Other than that I have rested. Like, deeply rested. Like, "slept 12-15 hour days, laid in bed even awake, done not a single chore" type of rested. I felt like I needed it. It's only the last couple of days that I've started to feel like a person again.

Unfortunately, Shaun is sick. I think it started with allergies, but it turned into a sinus infection. Now he's coughing a bunch. He says he's starting to feel better, and I hope he is. I'm still getting up tomorrow to watch the baby (Bear), so Shaun can hopefully get more rest.

When I went out to water plants the other day I almost lost my wedding band. I guess I've lost enough weight that my ring is slipping off. This is the smallest I've been in at least 7 years. I'm not complaining.

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm low-energy, but I'm not eating much, so that's probably why. Maybe after the next 15 lbs are gone I'll switch to a maintenance dose of Semaglutide and see about eating more and walking/lifting again. I should probably exercise now, but I don't want to and I can admit that, so... 🤷🏻 It just is what it is. I guess I'm trying to build my willpower back up.

I really miss skating. I need to get myself to go do that again. It's a lot more fun than walking.

I haven't had a haircut in a while. For years I had kept at least part of my head shaved, but here I sit with my scalp covered in hair. It's about down to my armpits now. I keep it bunned up most of the time, so it's not a lot of trouble. I have a silver streak in the front just like my MaMaw had. I think it's actually kind of pretty, but it could probably use a trim.

Scar is so cute. He needs his inhaler 2x day, and since I give him a treat after he breathes his meds, he reminds me now to do it. It's still not his favorite thing, but half of the time when I hold him to give it to him, he's purring and the little valve flap is fluttering, so I'm glad he doesn't hate it. 😂 Forget old dogs - I taught my old kitty cat a new trick! ❤️

I still haven't done Shaun's nails. I am so terrible. He's been tempted to try doing gel himself and it's honestly not hard, but he'd cure it on his skin and give himself an allergy. Maybe when he's not coughing all over the place I can finally get it done.

Goodnight, friends. I hope y'all are doing well.

It hasn't been my best week.

It hasn't been my best week.

Almost 2 weeks ago I switched my ServiceNow certifications over from my GlideFast email to my personal one since I'm no longer with the company. I got a message that it would take 3-5 days for the switch to take place. It wasn't working after 3-5 days, so I thought I'd give it a few more days (so that it would be 3-5 business days) to get right. That didn't work...

So I opened a case with ServiceNow on Monday and they gave an auto-response that wasn't helpful. I gave details why it wasn't working, then got another response a few days ago. It gave some instructions on what to do and how to log in, so I tried that. I tried it on a couple of browsers, but it just kept refreshing a log in loop. I replied to the help ticket to let them know, but I'm still waiting.

So... I still don't have access to my own certifications, and they're not coming up under either email address, according to a recruiter I spoke to. So even if someone wanted to hire me, they couldn't verify my credentials. 😕

I've had 2 weeks of "free" time, but both of them have felt awful. The sudden scramble to make sure we have health insurance, dealing with unemployment, trying to update my resume on top of the ServiceNow mess...

I don't know what I did wrong on Indeed, but all it's showing me is Senior TC work, which is above my head. Also, I'm having pretty major anxiety about getting hired anywhere. I worry that I won't be able to do a good job and it's not great for my mental health.

It's all been pretty stressful. No wonder I had a migraine day today.

I hope y'all are doing well. If not, tomorrow is another day.

I didn't really feel like talking about it on Friday...

I didn't really feel like talking about it on Friday and I don't even now, but I'm not a secretive person, so:

I was laid off at the end of last week.

It's a bummer because I had no idea it was coming. I was billing, I was meeting my goals, and I thought I was doing well. One consolation is that it took my coworkers by surprise, too. At least I wasn't doing a bad job with everyone but me knowing that I'm next.

I'm pretty sure it's just an economy thing, but it still hurt.

Anyway, I'll be ok. I have my Math and CS degrees, I have marketable skills, and I usually figure things out. So I'm not in panic mode, but putting myself out there again is giving me a bit of anxiety. I think that's normal.

If y'all know anyone looking for a ServiceNow dev, send me their way. ❤️

Today started rough.

Today started rough. EARLY meeting, my first demo (got pushed from yesterday), I said "uh" too many times, and I had such a bad headache that I took some meds and went back to sleep. I unfortunately slept through an alarm and missed a meeting (thankfully not a client meeting). It ended up not being a big deal, but I was like "I'm really messing up big time today."

Thankfully, I usually feel like I'm doing well at work. Yesterday when I got off I told Shaun that I had done a good job, and I usually feel like I do. But today was NOT IT.

I'm heading to bed early. No super early meetings are scheduled for tomorrow morning, thank goodness. I am feeling all kinds of frazzled and my self care is slipping, so I gotta get back on top of things.

Goodnight, friends. ❤️ Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Today wasn't 💯, but...

Today wasn't 💯, but it really wasn't bad considering how terribly I slept due to how anxious I was about work.

I kind of bit off a lot to do on Thursday and the rest of my team has to wait for me to do my part before they can do theirs, so that's no pressure. /sarcasm 😂 I worked on it some Thursday and Friday, but I knew I'd feel better if I just had some quiet hours to dedicate to it today.

I slept late today because of how bad I slept. I finally texted Shaun to come get me out of the bedroom in the afternoon because I was just so anxious that I wasn't moving. He got me up, and I ended up getting most of my work done today. I didn't make any actual changes to the client's instance, but I have everything documented and linked in Excel so that we (as a team) can go over it on Monday and knock it out quickly. I just didn't want to be in there making that many changes without a second set of eyes.

Anyway, I feel good because I got so much done. I'm also really happy because usually when my anxiety is up and my sleep is bad I get a migraine. That didn't happen today - thank goodness. Testosterone is supposed to help with anxiety and migraines, so that may be why I didn't. If all I get is a little stuck and needing a nudge, I am fine with that. I usually know how/when to ask for help.

Well, it's 1 in the morning. I'm heading to bed. I hope I get some good sleep tonight. Hopefully I will since I don't feel worried about anything at the moment.

I haven't done nail art in a very long time...

I haven't done nail art in a very long time, and I wouldn't really count this as art, either. I just put on my structure gel for strength as usual, then plopped down the water slide decals I made.

I made these for the work event I attended. I didn't really know what to expect, but I had a great time. I met so many of my coworkers and it was so crazy to finally see everyone in 3D. I interact with so many people on Slack, many of who I felt super connected to, and meeting in person just took that to the next level. I definitely came away from the event feeling energized about work and more secure in my work relationships. I also met a ton of cool people that I didn't know already.

I can't go without saying that it was amazing seeing my friends from GCU. It was hard being in Cincinnati for those 5 months away from my family, but we had a wonderful cohort and mentorship and we learned so much and grew together. It was such a great feeling seeing those familiar faces.

Anyway, I didn't want to let the week end without shouting out my wonderful work place for planning, executing, and treating us to this get-together. I love working remotely, being here with the family and the pets, but I do think I needed this. I'm looking forward to the next one already! 💙

Here are a few of my favorite photos...

Here are a few of my favorite photos from the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix. I took over 100, so I tried really hard to put up a reasonable amount. 😂

The last photo is one of my favorites. I didn't want to go through and have to pick my top 10 again to put it more visible, so just go look at it. 😂❤️

I made it home safe and sound about 2 hours ago.

I made it home safe and sound about 2 hours ago. It's nice to be back.

Bear was already in bed so I haven't been able to kiss that lip yet (he doesn't do well when his routine is disturbed), so I'll get my kisses from him tomorrow.

Cubba was so happy to see me that he ran outside and got in the car. 😂❤️

I'm heading up to be bossed around by my cat. He's probably gonna be awful since he'll be excited to see me. 😂😂😂 Hopefully, I'll be able to get some good sleep despite him.

I'll post more about the trip this week. Gotta rest up and get ready for work first, though.

❤️❤️❤️

I went to the Desert Botanical Garden here today...

I went to the Desert Botanical Garden here today and took over a hundred photos. 😅 I had so much fun hanging out with coworkers/friends that I don't get to see often.

We had our company party tonight and it's still going. GlideFast works hard and plays hard. I'm cold and driving home tomorrow, so I'm back at la Casita in my comfy clothes and snuggled in. It's bittersweet to be getting ready to leave, but I do miss my home and my family.

This is just from the party tonight. I'll go through my garden pics once I'm home.

Trip highlights (aside from this 5-star resort and meeting so many wonderful people):

• Prickly Pear Lemonade
• Banana Caramel Empanadas
• Warm water from the bidet (our bidet attachment at home only has cold water hooked up)

I'm not gonna bore y'all with a photo overload, but...

I'm not gonna bore y'all with a photo overload, but I'm in Scottsdale, AZ for a work retreat. The hotel is super elegant and has a botanical garden that I'm definitely planning to visit tomorrow. It's beautiful here; but of course I'm biased because I love desert life.

This hotel is bougie af. There's a real bidet in my bathroom, it has valet parking, and people who will shuttle you anywhere here at the resort.

I drove here because I love being alone and I love driving and OBVIOUSLY I love looking at the saguaros. It always makes my day when they start appearing. We don't have them in New Mexico. They need a very specific environment to thrive.

It's been a whirlwind couple of days with travel and getting settled in. Today we had tons of enrichment meetings. I'm super proud that 2 of our cohort have made it to higher positions despite having only been with the company for two-ish years.

The best part has been meeting my coworkers face-to-face. I knew a few from going to GCU together, but I've interacted with so many more on other projects and through Slack. Seeing these people in 3D has been so crazy. It's like "OMG - I know you!" every time I turn around. There are so many amazing people here. Everyone is so smart and friendly and supportive. It's wonderful.

I'm in my room getting some rest. Last night was a late night of catching up with some GCU peers, having pizza, and getting lost (this place is literally huge. 😂) My room is also not in the main hotel, but at a Casita and valet shuttled me to it after I gave up on wandering in the dark. 😂 Paired with an early start this morning and being on the move all day, I'm exhausted. Time to rest up for tomorrow!

I. am. EXHAUSTED.

I. am. EXHAUSTED.

This isn't a complaint because I love my job, but I billed 41 hours this week, and had 4 hours of meetings on top of that on my timecard. I know that's probably not impressive, but some of those meetings started at 7 am and my day can't officially end until 6 pm, so that makes a tired Blu.

We really need to start building the greenhouse this weekend. I've neglected my plants and not watered them for a few weeks and a few of the smaller ones have died. ☹️ Not only that, I've found mealy bugs on 3 of them, so I need to go through all of them carefully and isolate them. I definitely have the energy for this. /s

Also, we got a new microwave because our old one kept stopping in the middle of cooking. It's larger. And pretty. It has a locking door that we had to figure out. 😂 I'm wondering if it has a silent mode so we don't have to have it make noise when food is done. I'll check later. For now, I might be crashing out. Yes, at 6 pm. 😂😂😂 I just can't do anything else right now.

I'm very happy for the weekend.

I'm very happy for the weekend. It's been a tough week!

I love my job and am so thankful for it, but we lost a teammate (moved to another project), several people were on scheduled vacation, and then a few more took off to attend our CEO's funeral. I don't begrudge anyone their time off no matter the reason, but not only were we low on staff, our ticket volume had basically doubled. 😬 It's no one's fault - sometimes things just happen like that.

When I say that I have been frazzled this week, it is no joke! The whole team has been. But *team* is the key word here. I feel really supported and I've learned a lot. I don't feel like there's anyone who isn't pulling their weight. I'm doing my best and am getting good feedback, so that makes me happy.

I also started more hours on this project at the beginning of the month. Hopefully, I'll do well enough that they'll decide to bring me on full-time. I would like that. I feel like getting to do nerdy tech stuff and helping people at the same time hits the sweet spot for me.

Happy weekend, y'all. We made it!

I received this giant, personalized mouse pad in the mail yesterday.

I received this giant, personalized mouse pad in the mail yesterday. It's probably not a coincidence that it arrived on the date of our first paycheck that contained our last GlideFast Consulting University raise - meaning that we have fully completed the GCU program and will be treated as regular consultants from now forward.

This celebration is a hard one. While it achieved for me both a career and financial goal I never dared to dream of before college, it comes with the news of the passing of our CEO this morning. He was a really great guy. He met all of us newbies via Zoom when we were in Cincinnati, and then came to meet us in person, as well. He remembered our names and things about us. He made us feel special and not like just a cog in the machine.

Thanks to him and the company he built I'm able to live comfortably, have work-life balance, and be part of a team that truly has my back. We get gifts like this in the mail to remind us that we are truly valued and appreciated and to mark our milestones, and that's just the kind of guy he was. I'm attending GlideFest this year and I was looking forward to seeing him again. He really did touch the lives of many people and will definitely be missed.

Thank you for everything, Michael Lombardo. GlideFast changed my life. #LFG

My first...

It's been a day.

It's been a day.

I had a 6:30 meeting this morning and will have a couple more this week. I know it's a great start to the day when I'm up before the sun. /sarcasm

We woke up to Balthi diarrhea in the dining room this morning. Shaun stayed up late last night playing a game and accidentally locked Ash in his game room, where she also left a dooks.

Bear had a vet appointment at 9. It went fine. He's going back for bloodwork in 2 weeks. Meanwhile, they're doing a referral for his knee surgery so we can get that ball rolling.

Balthazar had an appointment at 11:30. He's on some steroids and will be moving upstairs tonight. His diarrhea is out of control at the moment and when we were working on the sunroom we moved a litter box temporarily to the dining room. Despite us having moved it back, he's decided that the dining room carpet near where the box was is an ok place to shit. It's not.

We're wearing our little hand-held carpet cleaner out trying to keep up with him (but are thankfully taking that carpet up soon, anyway). The only way we broke Scar from doing the same thing is by moving him to a new space entirely. We're hoping that will work on Balthazar. We're also hoping that since he'll only have access to special, easy-to-digest food he'll feel better and his poops will improve. Paws crossed.

I am so tired and sleepy. Shaun is tired and stressed. I don't know how it's only Tuesday, but I could use a weekend NOW. The last 2 days have been a bit much, but we got a lot done. Hopefully, the rest of the week will be chill. That would be nice.

Y'all ever been a whole ass adult...

Y'all ever been a whole ass adult and ate so much candy for breakfast you upset your stomach?

In my defense I've been at meetings since 7 this morning and haven't had time to make food. I've been sat at my desk snacking on whatever is around for the last 3 hours. Ugh.

Happy Friday, though! ❤️

I'm pretty much over...

I'm pretty much over whatever I woke up with on Friday. I napped all day Friday, some yesterday, and today I'm just going to bed on time. I still have a slight cough, but no aches or fatigue or nausea.

It's really amazing what your body can do when it's allowed the rest it begs for. I'm so grateful to be in a position where I no longer have to put financial well-being over my health. ❤️

I knew I got an award at work the other day, but...

I knew I got an award at work the other day, but I didn't know that I would get an actual certificate and this neat poker chip. It pretty much made my day to get this in the mail. 😁❤️

Today was a bit of a rollercoaster.

Today was a bit of a rollercoaster.

This morning I had a dentist appointment.  I now have a temporary crown on one of my teeth.  I usually love going to the dentist and today was no different, but I had a new experience there:  The dental assistant triggered my gag reflex which was pretty awful to have happen while laying on your back with your mouth propped wide open.  I have a fear of choking to death on vomit so I didn't much care for that.  She kept propping the green sucky thing on the back of my throat and it nearly happened a couple of times.  Other than that, things went well.

So anyway, I was fine and I went home and had a notification that I had gotten my paycheck.  When I logged in to see it I thought "That can't be right."  So I let HR know that there was a bonus on my check that I didn't think was meant for me.  Turns out that I won a LFG award for May and that big-ass bonus WAS mine.  It was announced later in the day at a meeting.  So that was pretty nice.

The last week or so I've been really stressed about some things.  We've had a few sick cats and that's not only very sad and stressful since they are all getting up there in age, but also tough financially.  I have a very sick friend that I'm worried about.  My depression has resurfaced a bit.  So I haven't felt that I was at the top of my game, not even at work, but one of my managers assured me that I was doing great at our meeting this week and the award really hit that home.  I feel like I needed it not only financially, but emotionally, too, as weird as that might sound.  The timing couldn't have been better.

So that was my day.  A couple of things that I wasn't expecting; one bad and one good.  No complaints here!

Happy weekend, friends.  ❤