I rested so much today.

I rested so much today. I woke up, but laid in bed with my kitty and snuggled and napped. I needed it. It was a busy week.

Shaun hasn't been feeling super great, so he went to bed early in his game room. I went up and cleaned/organized the bedroom a bit, put clean sheets on the bed, and showered. I don't know if there is anything more relaxing and calming and comfortable than clean sheets on my clean body.

I'm chilling in bed. I'm gonna play some games and maybe watch some stuff. Hopefully I'll get some good sleep. I had big plans to do my nails today, but I didn't. Maybe that's a tomorrow thing.

I hope you all rest well. ❤️ I'm gonna try. Goodnight.

I'm about to go to bed because I'm exhausted...

I'm about to go to bed because I'm exhausted, despite sleeping as long as I wanted to today.

So last night I saw someone post about a music video with Roseanne in it. I made Shaun look it up on YouTube on the TV. That was... Something.

After that, there was a video talking about Jafar Jackson and how he sounds so much like Michael. I made Shaun watch that with me, too.

Being tired and done with my bullshit, he turned the TV off because he was going to bed (around 9 last night). Having just learned of Jafar's existence and wanting to know more, I opened the YouTube app on my phone. It presented me with a pimple-popping video and I COULD NOT look away. So I sat here on the couch until 2:30 this morning watching disgusting, grossly-satisfying video after video. I could not stop. For 5 hours I sat here, trapped and entranced. I'm afraid I've now ruined my YouTube algorithm and I'm scared to open it again. Apparently I'm defenseless against pimple-popping videos. Not super shocking since I'm such a skin-picker, myself.

Anyway, I didn't make it out of the bedroom today until around 2 this afternoon. I did do my walking, but not my delayed leg day from yesterday. I will try again tomorrow.

I thought I was ok, but then I found out that my face looked mad. I didn't feel mad, but over the course of the day I asked Shaun to stop talking to me, and then eventually to stop looking at me. So I guess I've felt some kind of way. Like "We can watch TV together, but do not perceive me." 😂 He just went to bed... in his game room. He said it was probably safer that way. 😂😂😂

I really need to do my nails. I've had this gel overlay on for 3-ish weeks. Maybe 4. I cut my nails recently because they were getting too long, but the gel is starting to lift and that's probably causing damage. But I obviously didn't feel like doing nails today. On top of my mood, I've felt tired and also foggy. I can't blame the hormones because I'm the one who stayed up late, but I'm sure they are doing something. I'm on day 2 of Testosterone and started my Hypothyroid meds today.  I should probably be resting and taking it easy while my body adjusts. So, goodnight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I hate leg day so much.

I hate leg day so much. It's supposed to be on Friday, but I hate it so much that I do it on Saturday and put it off as long as I can.

I'm so stinky, and I've promised myself a shower after I complete it. I guess I better get started.

We just finished watching Wicked...

We just finished watching Wicked. The story was good and it was nice to my eyes... but pretty screaming still registers as screaming and I feel like I'm gonna have a migraine from the sensory overload.

I don't know how or why, but...

I don't know how or why, but I got some pretty good sleep last night and woke up feeling better; a little energetic, even. I did the workout that I skipped yesterday before work this morning, so I feel "caught up," which is nice.

I found an app I think will work well for keeping track of streaks for the habits I'm trying to build. It's called Habits Streak. It's really straightforward and I like that. I can put anything I'm trying to do in there and choose the days I want to do it, then check it off when it's done. It'll keep track of my streak. That's really all I wanted.

I tried Finch, but immediately hated it for some reason. It just rubbed me the wrong way. I'm so sorry, y'all. I'm not trying to shit on anything that is helpful to you, but I think I deleted my account shortly after having to name the bird. It had so much extra stuff that I have no interest in. I also don't want a virtual pet; I have plenty of real ones. It just wasn't for me. But I'm really glad it is helpful to so many of my friends. Thankfully, there are options out there that work for all of us with our beautiful differences. ❤️

I'm off to try to get some things done at work. Just wanted check in and say that I'm feeling better. For now, at least. 😂

Do y'all have any suggestions...

I went to the dentist this morning.

I went to the dentist this morning. I have been having pain behind my back right lower tooth.

I was pretty sure I got some food (probably popcorn) stuck between my gum and back tooth. Over the last 2 weeks I tried flossing it out several times. I took my metal hook tooth stick and tried to scrape below the gum line to get it.

I feel like all I managed to do was make it worse. The gum started swelling and pulling away from the tooth and hurting more.

I went to see my dentist and he blasted it out. It already feels much better. I knew there was something there that I couldn't get to.

I've honestly never had this happen before, in all of my years of eating. That's crazy.

That was neat. 😊

That was neat. 😊

They purposely had me thirsty...

I'm accidentally awake too early.

I'm accidentally awake too early. SUPER thirsty. Can't eat or drink anything until after my CT scan in a few hours (I moved it from Wednesday to today).

I can go days without food, but water is LIFE. 😫

If you have a Crumbl Cookies near you...

CT scan next Wednesday.

CT scan next Wednesday. I've never had one before, so that's kind of exciting.

I feel mostly normal today. I'm at work. I didn't walk on the treadmill this morning, but I've been getting my hourly steps in gradually, so that's something. I got some good sleep last night, too.

So far, so good.

I took off work today...

I took off work today because I was still feeling fatigued. I mostly just rested, and I think I needed it. I'm tired now, but I'm supposed to be because it's bedtime.

My primary doctor told me to go to the ER if that pain happens again, and I told him that I would. He has ordered a CT scan, but said it may take some time to be set up. That's fine. I feel better with having a plan in place.

I'm going to work tomorrow. My only question at the moment is whether I will get my morning walk in. I didn't today. I'm just gonna play it by ear and see how I feel.

Goodnight, friends. ❤️

I think I'm taking off work tomorrow.

I think I'm taking off work tomorrow. I napped, but haven't been able to shake this fatigue.

Possible TMI:

My pelvic muscles cramp when I pee. I'm still tender and sore from the cramping yesterday. It hurts to sit certain ways. I'm bloated. And it feels like I have some heaviness in my abdomen.

I've emailed my doctor to see about a referral for some diagnostics. This is definitely not normal for me. I am concerned it's not ok.

I don't know how accurate it is, but WebMDs symptom checker says diverticulitis or colon cancer are strong possibilities. I don't think I want to have either of those, so hopefully my doctor will help me figure it out.

Goodnight, y'all. ❤️

Thank goodness I didn't make plans this weekend...

Thank goodness I didn't make plans this weekend because I'm having a hard time over here.

I was up late last night with Calypso because her breathing sounded worse than usual (she has chronic respiratory crud).  I ended up taking her to the bathroom and turning the water on hot and sitting with her for a while so she could breathe the steam.  It seemed to help, thank goodness.  I was reading online and saw that we could do a drop of child Afrin in each nostril for 3 days, then stop.  We have some on the way for if she gets in bad shape.  I don't think it would hurt to have it on hand.

I got up early this morning to see the balloons, but then I went back to sleep since I got to bed late.  I got up and didn't do my walking.  I had water and Lactaid milk and my vitamins/daily meds for breakfast, like I normally do.  Everything was fine... until it wasn't.

TMI:  I did a dooks.  It was fine.

But maybe a minute after I was done I started having the worst cramps OF MY LIFE.  I say this as a person who's had 3 IUDs inserted and two removed - one of which had to be dug for and no, I was not given any pain meds for any of that.  I say this as a person who pushed another person out of my body.  I say this a person who had impacted wisdom teeth cut out with only local anesthesia.  I am not a pain wimp, but today tears came out of my eyes due to how much it hurt.  I was nauseated due to the pain.  It was bad and it lasted for about 45 minutes before it eased up enough that I napped a little.

It was in the center of my abdomen, beneath my belly button.  It was sharp and mean and deep.  There were two waves, and they lasted about 15 minutes each.  I felt it from my guts down to my cervix.  We've all had gas before, and it was not like any sort of gas I've ever felt.  I also haven't farted all day since then.  My abdomen is very tender to the touch, and sore like it was a workout.  I was exhausted afterwards and have been tired all day since.  I am going straight to bed after I get this posted because I am so tired.

If anyone knows what that might have been about, I would love to hear your ideas/experiences.  I've never had anything like that happen before and I'm really hoping it will never happen again.  But in case it does, I'd like to have an idea of what caused it or how to stop it.

Other than that, Shaun built part of the greenhouse base, but ran out of screws.  I had some housework I wanted to do and we had errands we needed to run, but I wasn't really up for leaving the house after hurting so bad.  It ended up being a TV/movie day and that's ok.

I hope y'all are doing well.  Goodnight.  ❤

Another thing that happened recently...

Another thing that happened recently was that I got my hearing tested.  Guess what.  I can hear.  It's just that I don't just sit around in "active listening" mode.  I'm not Google.  😂

The hearing-testers recommended that people speak to me face-to-face and that I should make sure background noise is at a minimum if I need to have a conversation.  That makes sense.  Just about the only person I don't have trouble hearing is Shadow, and I 100% believe that's because he almost always starts every conversation with "Hey Mom."  Then he has my attention and I'm also looking at him.

No one else does that.  Shaun's voice is deep so if I'm not paying attention to him I don't know what he's saying.  He also has a habit of trying to talk to me when music or the television is on.  That's a big NO for me.  It's harder to understand him and that will also lead me straight into sensory overload.

Kira comes down and will start talking out of nowhere.  I'm never prepared because she's a bit chaotic.  😆  Sometimes she's chatty and sometimes not.  And often she'll be in the other room talking and I'll not be aware that it was directed at me.  She also has a tendency to make up words (I love that about her, for real), and I feel like she and Shadow have developed a bit of a short-hand that I don't understand, so I often have to ask her to repeat herself, too.

Everyone over here acting like my ears are the problem.  I have confirmation that they're NOT, so take THAT.  🤪

But also, that hearing test was the most relaxed I've been in ages.  The put me in a soundproof booth.  I could hear my blood pumping.  It was dimly lit.  I nearly fell asleep during the test.  I need one of those in my house to retreat to.  😆

I'm getting to bed so late, but...

I'm getting to bed so late, but I cleaned my room, vacuumed, swept my bathroom, changed my sheets, showered, and did some more work after work today. A clean body in a clean bed is 🤌🏻. I hope I sleep well.

Scar sneezed and sharted while I was cleaning. Thankfully I was in cleaning mode and it was no big deal. Better than it happening while he's sleeping on my pillow tonight. 😂

 

His IBD has been under control as long as he eats food made of rabbit, but he does better on a different brand than the one he's on now. Of course, it's the more expensive one that sells out from Chewy that I also don't know is sold locally. I guess when I get my autoship notification I'll switch him back. Spoiled ass cat. 😂 I love him and he's worth it, though. ❤️

Goodnight, friends. ❤️❤️❤️

We had a loss in the family recently...

We had a loss in the family recently - my MaMaw Langley's twin sister.  I wasn't very close to her, but as far as I know she lived a long and more or less happy and comfortable life.  And it got me thinking...

I bet a lot of you know me pretty well - even those of you I haven't met.  I'm a pretty open person who posts the good, the bad, and the ugly.  For any of my newer friends:  Yes, things have been pretty great since I graduated college at the end of 2020.  Before that, there was years of poverty, my house falling down around me, my body failing, depression and anxiety, and I was carrying the weight of the lack of animal rights/welfare in Alabama on my shoulders (though thankfully not alone).  I don't usually do throwback posts, but they are definitely there if you ever feel like searching.

I don't want to die yet, but I'm saying that IF it happens, please take comfort in knowing that I am loved, happy, and content.  I feel more safe and calm than I ever have in my life.  I'm socially (in a physical way) more isolated than I've ever been, but it has brought a much-needed peace to my life.  I have my husband and my kids and my non-human companions with me, and they are my inner circle.  I have given back to my community and reached educational and financial goals that I never dared to dream possible 10 years ago.  I (of course) have personal projects that I want to finish and more growth to do, but if I died today I would have no regrets.  I have loved and been loved.  I am taking care of those closest to me, and that's all I've ever wanted to do.

I guess I woke up this morning feeling grateful, (which is not unusual), but with the recent loss came a new perspective on how we view those who've passed.  When I die, please take solace in the fact that I am undeniably living my best life - and not only that, I fought damn hard to do it.  ❤

I woke up early...

My doctor appointment went well...

My doctor appointment went well, and by that I mean it was productive.

I have an appointment in September for my ears, doing a walk-in tomorrow morning to get x-rays for my intestines and bone loss, mammogram appointment pending, and an online appointment at Midi on August 1st for my hormones (thanks to Jami for turning me on to that).

I also got my copy of The Menopause Manifesto today; thanks to Abriel for recommending it.

In general I'm feeling pretty good, but the whole point of having insurance is to catch small things before they turn big, so hopefully I've done/am doing that.