Life update:

Life update:

Me and Shaun lost our health insurance at the end of April.  We have too much in savings to be eligible for Medicaid here, so we'll have to pay out of pocket for other state insurance.  It's going to be about $750/month to get ourselves covered, which isn't ideal since I'm unemployed.  But I'm grateful for the option.  Btw, the kids still have their Medicaid, so they're fine.

I haven't been to therapy since mid-May because I can't afford to pay $250/week for it.  But I'm doing ok mentally.  We will have to purchase insurance by next month because I won't have enough medication left to be normal if I don't.  I have a supply of my antidepressant and antianxiety, as well as the hormones I need.  I will check in with Shaun tomorrow and see where he is with medication.  Also, I'm going to push him to go to urgent care if his sinus infection doesn't clear up.

I feel like I really needed the deep rest, so being laid off was kind of a relief at first.  Now I've been sick for the last week or so, and I've needed a bunch of rest to recover from that.  I'm feeling mostly better, though, so now I'm just feeling really untethered; but not in a good way.  I guess "aimless" would be a good word to describe it.

There is so much I could be doing.  I could finish swatching my polish.  Work on my database.  Try to sell some of the jewelry I made since I don't have an income.  Try to sell some of our extra stuff from around the house because I love to declutter and money would be nice.

I could clean.  I could do the laundry I've been meaning to do for more than 6 weeks.  I'm down to wearing nightgowns day in and day out because I am literally out of clean clothes.  😆  I could at least make myself some healthy food, but I've been living on soup and pizza rolls and rice pudding for weeks.  I have no willpower to do anything except for water my plants.

The one positive from this downtime is that I have actually started gaining some energy back.  Not enough that I want to use it yet, but it's harder to lay around and that's a good thing.  For the past two nights in a row, I've dreamed about roller skating.  I feel like that's a good sign.  I've ordered a boot stretcher so that I can stretch the toe of my skates and hopefully wear them for longer periods.  They fit toe-to-heel, but I have wide feet and the toe box is so narrow.  It's hard to wear them for long.

As much as schedules feel like prison, I'm far more productive and stable when I have one.

Anyway.  I know of several people who were let go from my previous company and no one is having luck getting hired anywhere.  I'm pretty sure it's the job market and not us.  I have degrees in Math and Computer Science, as well as certifications in ServiceNow.  I feel like I should be pretty marketable.  I had been looking for work involving ServiceNow, but I'm starting to think I need to widen my search and see if that helps.  I'm also considering looking into Salesforce.

Other than that, I have some friends visiting soon and I am so excited about it.  I feel like I need it and I think we all will have a great time.

I hope y'all are doing well.  ❤  I'm not 100%, but things will get better.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I'm having a little ramble. Feel free to skip this.

I've done literally nothing for weeks except put in job applications. I haven't gotten any calls back, so I am going to have to change my strategy. Fun.

Other than that I have rested. Like, deeply rested. Like, "slept 12-15 hour days, laid in bed even awake, done not a single chore" type of rested. I felt like I needed it. It's only the last couple of days that I've started to feel like a person again.

Unfortunately, Shaun is sick. I think it started with allergies, but it turned into a sinus infection. Now he's coughing a bunch. He says he's starting to feel better, and I hope he is. I'm still getting up tomorrow to watch the baby (Bear), so Shaun can hopefully get more rest.

When I went out to water plants the other day I almost lost my wedding band. I guess I've lost enough weight that my ring is slipping off. This is the smallest I've been in at least 7 years. I'm not complaining.

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm low-energy, but I'm not eating much, so that's probably why. Maybe after the next 15 lbs are gone I'll switch to a maintenance dose of Semaglutide and see about eating more and walking/lifting again. I should probably exercise now, but I don't want to and I can admit that, so... 🤷🏻 It just is what it is. I guess I'm trying to build my willpower back up.

I really miss skating. I need to get myself to go do that again. It's a lot more fun than walking.

I haven't had a haircut in a while. For years I had kept at least part of my head shaved, but here I sit with my scalp covered in hair. It's about down to my armpits now. I keep it bunned up most of the time, so it's not a lot of trouble. I have a silver streak in the front just like my MaMaw had. I think it's actually kind of pretty, but it could probably use a trim.

Scar is so cute. He needs his inhaler 2x day, and since I give him a treat after he breathes his meds, he reminds me now to do it. It's still not his favorite thing, but half of the time when I hold him to give it to him, he's purring and the little valve flap is fluttering, so I'm glad he doesn't hate it. 😂 Forget old dogs - I taught my old kitty cat a new trick! ❤️

I still haven't done Shaun's nails. I am so terrible. He's been tempted to try doing gel himself and it's honestly not hard, but he'd cure it on his skin and give himself an allergy. Maybe when he's not coughing all over the place I can finally get it done.

Goodnight, friends. I hope y'all are doing well.

I know that I'm talking too much tonight and I don't care.

I know that I'm talking too much tonight and I don't care.  I'm not even a little bit sorry.  😁

I've been eating like crap and I feel it in my skin and my bones.  I am feeling a slight amount of stress at work because of how busy I am.  Stress and bad diet flare up my psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.  I have to do better.

I work from home so I usually roll out of bed right before work and get to it.  Then I work until 6, hang out with Shaun and the fam and watch our shows and play my games, then go to bed.

We sometimes walk the dogs or swim or do light yard work, but there is no actual exercising in my daily routine, even though the doctor who prescribed me hormones also told me to walk daily and start strength training.  This also has to change since I do my job sitting.

I have a treadmill on the way and it's going in my bedroom.  I am feeling a strong urge to reclaim some of my morning hours before work to exercise and meal-prep.  Shaun and I used to walk around the neighborhood, but that's a whole "take the dogs, get dressed, put on sunscreen and carry water" ordeal.  It feels like too many barriers.

I REALLY, REALLY enjoyed going to the new gym at JSU.  I would get on the treadmill, put on some music, and just walk.  I'm a band nerd, so I walked to the rhythm - but I walked.  I've noticed that although I enjoy music I don't listen to it in my daily life.  I can't while I work, I can't while I watch TV, I mostly just don't have the time.  So I think that I could do that while I walk on the treadmill in the morning and that would be nice.

I really miss skating, but it's hard to do at home with Bear because he thinks we're playing.  We haven't been to a park since Cubba was attacked, but there's a place we used to go that had a skate park and dog park where Shaun would take the dogs while I rolled around.  Unfortunately, it's the same park where Cub was attacked, and I'm a bit scared (for the sake of his mental health) to try to take him back.

I haven't gone to a skate park solo in a very long time.  I feel guilty leaving Shaun alone with the dogs because Bear can be a handful.  He's our toddler child and I don't know if he'll ever grow out of that.  So I've got to find a way to get in some extra movement here.  I'm going to start with walking, then maybe after I've established that routine I can work on strength training.  We have an exercise machine and there's always calisthenics, so I don't really have an excuse not to, except for the fact that I haven't made time.  But I feel like my health has thankfully mostly been ok and I need to start moving around before it's too late to preserve it.

I skated around the pool.

I skated around the pool. Shaun was in there, so I wasn't too concerned about falling in (despite how out of practice I am). But I'm considering wearing my water wings next time, just in case. 😂😂😂 It's a little scary skating next to water knowing damn well I can't swim. And skates are HEAVY!

I still think skate parks are more fun than just going in circles, but it's nice to not have to leave home to get some of my favorite exercise in.

Also, Shadow made me feel loved. I was just gonna throw my skates on and try it out, but he said "You're gonna wear a helmet, right?" so I geared all the way up.

Bear tried to come at me a few times and since I was out of practice and didn't want to run him over I just pushed him out of the way. I think he gets the hint. We'll see. 😂😂😂

After I got tired (which was entirely too fast - I am out of shape) I got in the pool with Shaun. I put my water wings on and paddled around for a bit.

Pretty fun day, all in all. Me and Shaun ran some errands this morning-ish with the dogs and had brunch. I've done some cleaning this evening and I might not be done. I still have some energy. We'll see.

Didn't shampoo the carpet yet, but hopefully tomorrow. That, and nails. 😁 Shaun is naked and mine are grown out and peeling. We can't have that!

I had a great time...

I had a great time at my birthday party at the skating rink. Thank you to everyone who came to see me. It meant so much! Super Thank You to Emily and her family for cake and setting everything up! It was so fun skating and seeing everyone! ❤️❤️❤️

I want y'all to see this pup, though. He slept for most of the day and was low-energy, but when I got home with leftover cake he got EXCITED. I have never seen him so waggy, nor have I seen him beg for food or stand on his hind feet. But here he is counter surfing!

I gave him some icing because I'm unsure if red velvet would be ok for him since it contains chocolate. We've tried to get him to eat dog food this evening, going as far as making a dog-food sandwich for him (which he did eat a bit of), but he seems to have a sweet tooth.

Edit:  Icing seems to be the sugar that makes the medicine go down. He's spit his pills out of everything else. I bought a pill popper this morning. Grateful to not have to use it!

Birthday Party Time!

Birthday Party Time! I'll be at Sunshine Skate Center until 10:30. ❤️

Hey, friends, the party is booked!

Hey, friends, the party is booked!  It's going to be on Saturday,  November 25th, 2023 at Sunshine Skate Center in Oxford from 7:30 to 10:30 pm.

They only had party packages on the weekend.  I didn't want to book it on Black Friday and I'm traveling to Alabama the weekend before and back home the weekend after, so this is the best I could do as far as timing.  I'm used to the holiday interfering with my birthday plans so I understand if that is still the case, but I hope I get to see some friendly faces.

If you expressed interest in coming before I'm going to tag you in the comment below to make sure you see this.  I have to bring a guest list with me to the rink so I'll need to know at some point if you were serious about coming.  (And it's ok to come without skating if you just want to say hi - just please let me know if you're coming and if you're skating or not).

I'm so excited to see everyone!  ❤❤❤

It was beautiful outside today.

It was beautiful outside today.  It's the first time it's really felt like spring to me.  I never wake up as early as I want to on Monday mornings, but if I had then I would've gone skating before work.  (Note to self for tomorrow:  Wake up and GO!)  Since I didn't, after work I decided to do some light yard work and vacuum the stairs.

I have felt so great lately.  Physically, I feel like I'm finally getting my hormones under control.  My psoriasis is very mild (just a few spots here and there; I don't even bother medicating them), and I haven't had the arthritis flare up in ages.  I've been sleeping well and eating healthier and the energy payoff is noticeable.  Now if I can work some regular skating and other exercise back into my schedule I'll be 100%.

I haven't had any issues with depression or anxiety in a while.  It really took some time to actually SETTLE IN at home once I got back from Cincinnati.  I had nightmares for a while about having to go back or lose my job.  Fortunately, nothing like that is going on in real life and I've been pretty much ok.  I do have a work trip coming up next month.  It is voluntary to go to and I want to go to it.  It's in Las Vegas; I've never been there so I'm looking forward to it.  Also, I miss my coworkers.  Don't get me wrong - I LOVE working from home, but I made lots of friends while working in Cincy and it was bittersweet to leave.

I have some other things coming up that I'm looking forward to, as well.  Besides the work event, I will be visiting a friend in early June.  I also have a friend coming to see me this month, and another in October.  At some point in the midst of all of that me and the kids plan to visit Alabama.  I'm so excited that I can actually do things.  I'm stupid excited that I can afford to!

When I set up stuff for my new job (like 6 months ago) I did something goofy that kind of bit me in the ass.  I really did not think it through.  😂  I guess I was thinking ahead more to retirement-type stuff since I am behind on saving for that, but anyway.  I set 25% of my check to be deducted for the employee stock plan... and that was something that couldn't be changed again until last month.  😬  The change I put through in March should finally take effect this month and I am excited to have a much smaller chunk of my check removed for that.

We also finally paid the last rent payment for the apartment in Cincinnati last month so that's a $1600 bill that we no longer have.  And we're getting performance reviews this week and next, so I think a pay raise is on the horizon.  Our savings have gotten thin, so I'm hoping that this will be the month we can actually hold on to a little bit of what comes in.  We shall see.  We do have a small roof leak that needs tending to.  Thankfully, it doesn't rain much here, but as is the way of life:  It's always something.

I guess my point there was that I'm not really stressed about anything, and I don't think I've ever experienced this level of calm before in my life. I was always worried about money, or about someone taking my kids, or about school... or I had people in my life mistreating me, or I felt unsafe in my neighborhood, or I felt stuck at a dead end. And over the years life has changed so much and I feel a TON better. I feel like my life is just beginning even though I'm 40 years old. It's so weird, but I'm not complaining!

Well, I didn't really know where this post was going when I started it, but here we are. I'm doing really well and I guess I wanted to acknowledge that and throw some gratitude out there into the universe. I wish this kind of peace and contentment upon all of my friends and family. I love you all and I hope you are doing well, too! ❤️

This weekend was pretty good.

This weekend was pretty good. I have been energetic and into getting some stuff done.

Yesterday, Shaun and I cleaned out the closet under the stairs and moved some stuff around. We might have a yard sale next weekend because we have a dining room full of organized junk that we'd like to get rid of. I've been slowly but surely selling some things on Nextdoor, but I want stuff GONE. I'm ready to rip up this carpet so I can skate indoors!

The basketball court is empty.

The basketball court is empty. Sure beats skating in the parking lot!

Tomorrow I'll be 40 years old...

Tomorrow I'll be 40 years old and since my birthday sometimes falls on Thanksgiving (like tomorrow), we celebrated tonight.

I wanted a skate party and that is what I got - complete with pizza, ice cream, and friends. It was such a fun time and I'm grateful for that. 😁 Super thank you to Shaun who always spoils me. ❤️

Here are a few pictures, and a video of my light-up wheels.

My friends Kalien and Mystir. Thank you both for hanging out with me! ❤️

So damn excited. 😂😂😂

New speed skates that came with the birthday package. Can't wait to try these out! 😁

My beautiful husbang.

My beautiful indoor skates. This was my first time really skating in them besides around the dining room.

Part of Stranger Things was filmed here.

I feel like rambling, so... here I go.

I feel like rambling, so... here I go.

I got some skating in today.  The weather here is really cold in the morning, but sometimes it's the 60s - 70s° F in the afternoon.  Today was gorgeous and I should have spent more time outside, but I did what I felt like doing.  I almost fell on my face due to running over a rock that I didn't see, but I caught myself.  One side of my back hurts a bit when I skate lately.  I don't know if I'm doing my posture wrong or what, but I'm not a huge fan of that.

There is apparently a very nice women's care center here in Cincy and I have an appointment there on Friday.  They do a range of things excluding ob, which is fine because that is not what I need.  I probably need my hormones checked and this IUD checked.  I'm so grateful for the care I'm able to get now that I'm out of Alabama.  I know there is a lot to love about Alabama.  It's beautiful.  But I will never live there again.  I love myself too much to put me through that.

I'm gonna talk about my ears now.  I used to wear earrings all the time, but when I worked at my last job I stopped.  I spent so much time on the phone there that my earrings were uncomfortable and I eventually just said "Screw it" and took them out.  This probably happened in about 2010.  (Btw, I'm not blaming anyone and I wasn't even upset about removing my earrings - it was a choice I made and it was fine.)  My lower lobe piercings were a size 2 gauge at that point, I believe.

I could've decided to start wearing earrings again anytime in the last 5 years because I haven't spent much time with a phone held to my ear, but I never did.  It's no secret that I was in a rut about my appearance by the time I graduated college... and during school there was a lot more to think about than my ears, as was also the case after graduation and with us moving.  And to be honest I was kind of over the "body jewelry / all that's available are barbells / horseshoes / captive-bead-rings / variations on that" type of look.

Anyway, at work a lot of the people have stretched lobes and it looks so good and I have started to miss my holes.  The guys at work usually wear very nice-looking plugs and I finally decided to see if anything had changed since I last shopped for earrings and OH MY.  YES.  YES IT HAS.

Ok, so...there is some really beautiful stuff out there.  Nice wood and stone plugs and tunnels (instead of just metal or acrylic plugs with like, peace signs or someone flipping the bird or pot leaves on them).  Not only that, but there are dangly plugs and tunnels with dangles that thread through!  I'm so fucking excited!!!  I love dangly and pretty earrings!  Obviously, now that I'm making the big bucks I ordered (quite) a few pairs of earrings.  In a size 2 gauge.  That - as you might have guessed - will not even think about fitting in my ear holes. 😂😂😂

That means I had to order some smaller stuff, too, to get back to my old size.  I misjudged and thought I could get a 10 gauge in there... nope.  I've shrank all the way back to a 14 gauge.  I've gotta start over basically from the beginning.  But that's ok.  It's a journey!

I liked my ears at a 2 gauge.  Not too big, but big enough to see through.  I'll be able to wear my old jewelry or my new stuff.  And I've also been thinking of ways to modify my EVEN OLDER regular earrings so that I can wear them, as well.  I love the threading-through tunnels idea.  I think it looks so cute!  I know that's not exactly a new idea, but I definitely like the way it's being done with petite little chains better than what we were doing before.

Well, I have a little bit of homework to do for my job.  Yesterday was the office Halloween party and this precious pupper was there (his name is Chewy and we wore him out with ALL OF THE ATTENTION) and I think most of us got VERY LITTLE done.  Kelsey dressed up as Wednesday Addams.  I went as Three-Hole-Punch Blu.  If you don't get my costume, then you clearly are not a fan of The Office.  The few people who got it appreciated it, so that was nice.  But yeah, we have a group presentation coming up on Tuesday with a test run on Monday, so I'd like to go ahead and get my part finished.

I hope you all are doing well!  I am.  I really am.  I miss home, but I started to realize yesterday how much I'm going to miss my office mates when it's time to head back.  But there are bigger problems to have, so I'll take it.  Talk to you all soon!  ❤️

Me and Kelsey...

Me and Kelsey went to a tiny skate park after work. It even had a shallow bowl! But I was too scared to go in it. I guess I don't need to put myself in the hospital before Shaun comes to see me. 😂

I've had a pretty chill weekend.

I've had a pretty chill weekend. I sat around on the computer for most of yesterday. I found out that my phone is backing up far more stuff to my Google account than necessary, so I cleaned that out and changed some settings. I ate cereal and talked to Shaun. I also ate some delicious pumpkin bread that Kelsey made.

Today the weather is too beautiful to resist. Earlier, I skated for a bit and then showered. More recently I felt compelled to go walking around the apartment complex and I took some pictures of the trees and other plants. There is one tree that I think is super cute. Another, I used to think was ugly... but it's growing on me. And some of them are changing color and showing out. It's actually really beautiful here. I do love being surrounded by nature - as long as I am not the one having to fight it back. 😂😂😂

Anyway, I am off to try Kelsey's potato soup. Then I'll probably do my nails.

I hope you all are having a lovely day! ❤️

It's been a little minute...

It's been a little minute since I have checked in, so here I am.  I'll try not to get TOO long-winded here.

Today I got my COVID booster, a flu shot, and a tetanus shot.  Why not go all in, I guess?  I may have regrets tomorrow, but for now I'm ok - just a little sore.  After I got home I went skating and did some laundry.  Super exciting day, no?

Earlier this week I failed my CAD (Certified App Developer) Exam.  On the bright side, I failed it JUST BARELY.  I was actually pretty shocked that I failed it because I felt good about most of the questions, but after getting my breakdown back it looks like most of the questions I missed were in one section (all sections have to be either above 70 or above 75 to pass), so missing more in one section is what got me.  My scores were passing in all but one category.  But at least I know what to work on!

I am weirdly not upset by this failure.  College had me stressed and kicking my own ass every time I didn't do as well as I felt that I should have, but this whole environment is so different.  It's not going to cost me thousands of dollars or months of time to re-take the exam, and those things happening were real possibilities in college because there were no do-overs.  I can take this exam a couple more times before I'm in trouble.  I think I'll pass on my next try, though, because I was already close.  Kelsey keeps reminding me that I was sick and not on top of my game last week and over the weekend, which is true, so it just is what it is.  🤷🏻 

Other news?  I feel like it has finally sank in that I'm here for a while... that this is my life.  Like, I'm gonna be here for more than 3 months, actually.  From August - November is training, and then I'll be put on a transition team for 2 - 3 more months before I am able to come back and work from home.  I'm not excited about that, but I'll be ok.  I just really miss my family.  Shaun, the kids, the animals, my house that I love, the new friends I've made... it was a lot to leave behind.  But Cincy is charming.  I'm in a very nice area in a nice apartment and everything is clean and well-kept here and in the neighborhoods around me.  I'm making friends here, too.  Kelsey, obviously.  But there are also some cool people at work.

Shaun is going to visit me soon.  I'm planning to be home for the holidays, so there is that.  Hopefully it will break up some of the away-ness and make it easier to hang in here.  I'm not thinking about leaving or anything - this is the kind of opportunity that you don't pass up.  But it's not easy.  I guess if it was, then more people would do it.  And I did not spend 5 hard (yet rewarding) years in college to earn an opportunity like this only to say "Nah."  I'm here.  I'm settled.  I'm learning.  It's hard, but I can do hard things.  It'll be ok.

Anyway, that's about all that's on my mind.  I'm about to get ready for bed because it's late-ish here.  I hope you all are doing well.  If you're not, keep trying!  That's my plan, anyway.  Goodnight.  ❤️

We had a great skate sesh this afternoon!

We had a great skate sesh this afternoon! I love this dork. 😂😂😂

Kelsey's skates arrived!

Kelsey's skates arrived and we went to the back parking lot immediately. She did so great! I'm so stoked that I have someone to skate with! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Good afternoon from Cincy!

Good afternoon from Cincy!

Shaun was amazing and mailed me a bunch of my nail stamping supplies since Kelsey is into letting me paint her nails. Most of the polishes were thick from not being used while I was in college, so I just got them all thinned and ready to go!

We are not-so-patiently awaiting the arrival of Kelsey's skates because she said she'd roll with me. I AM SO PUMPED! They are out for delivery and we have a nice, shady parking lot out back. I cannot wait to get my wheels back on!

I went to bed stupid early last night and slept late this morning. I needed that. Today has been chill so far and pretty nice. I talked to mom and Shaun and have done a very slight amount of cleaning. Kelsey loves to cook, so I gave her grocery money to let me eat her food and she's working hard in the kitchen as I type. Whatever she's making smells DELICIOUS.

I hope you all are having a lovely day. So far, I cannot complain! ❤️

Watching Stranger Things...

Watching Stranger Things and just recognized the skating rink. That's where I went skating back in December!

Holy shit. I love it here.

I had the skate park to myself again this morning.

I had the skate park to myself again this morning. It was nice - a new park this time. The half pipe was super-smooth. The regular pavement was less great, but still fun. I only wish I'd gone earlier.