I am not trying to pretend that I'm all deep and shit.

I am not trying to pretend that I'm all deep and shit.  But I can't help but think, as I sit here waiting for these ants to wake up a little so I can feed them to my lizard, about how we're all just food.  All of us.  We're just hunks of meat waiting to be eaten.  If you are not eaten before you're dead, you will be after.  Some kind of bacteria or something will get at you eventually.

I have to try hard to not think about stuff like this, especially when I eat.  If I look at my food and think "Hey, this chicken died so I can live", then I would cry.  I know this from experience.  I also don't thank any gods for my food, but I sometimes find myself thanking the dead animal.  It's only polite.

I don't like deep conversations.  I don't like to think about much like this at all.  I think that even my closest friends have no idea that I live on the verge of feeling that life is pointless and I don't want to do this anymore.  There are a lot of good things in my life that make me happy, but I often feel selfish for feeling happy when there is still so much suffering.

And no matter how much I do or how hard I try, I can never fix it all.  I barely make a minuscule dent, in the grand scheme of things.

Stuff like this really bothers me.  Some days when I've been thinking too much, I wish I could just die and return back to the bottom of the food chain.  I think that life is simpler there.

I feel like, right now, that I don't believe in life.  I'm calling bullshit here.  Who's fucked up idea was this?  I don't want to play this game anymore.

Looks like my ants are moving.  I guess it's time to feed my Koopa.  ❤