Today was hard. HARD.

Today was hard.  HARD.  My Gramson, Leon (Kira's kitty who she will tell you with no hesitation CAME OUT OF HER) has been sick.  He went to the vet on Tuesday and had a physical exam and bloodwork.  Physical was good - heart and lungs sounded good, but you could look at this kid and tell he felt awful.  He'd stopped eating and was barely drinking and since the physical turned up nothing we did blood work.  The vet went ahead and prescribed an appetite stimulant and an antibiotic because he had a snotty nose. 

We brought him a urine sample the next day (Wednesday) when we got the bloodwork results.  Nothing too alarming in the blood aside from some elevated cortisol and something about protein.  The urine sample (we got results today over the phone around 2 pm - and let me tell you that was a hard wait) showed an excess of protein.  The vet said that he suspected the liver was having a problem and referred us to the emergency hospital.  So, off we went.

The first thing the emergency hospital wanted to do was radiography so we let them.  Leon has fluid in his abdomen where it should not be.  The vet there said that possibly indicated cancer or maybe he ingested something he shouldn't have and injured himself.  The word "cancer" was the first time I heard Kira cry about this - I don't think any of us were expecting something so serious.  We asked if there were tests to rule out cancer or lean them more toward him having ingested something bad and they said they would do them and let us know.

They drew some of the fluid and the protein level indicates that it is most likely FIP - something rare and that there is no FDA-approved cure for at this time.  There is a way we can treat Leon, but the vet can't prescribe it and we'll have to do it ourselves and whether you agree with this or not:  We're planning to try it.

I CANNOT STRESS to you all how important this cat is to Kira.  She loves him so, so very much.  He is her son that came out of her.  She's had him for his short 4 years of life and spoiled him for every bit of that time.  She leaves the house sometimes and is always ready to get back to her kitty wuss.  It doesn't matter if we're downstairs and she's upstairs with him, or if we're sleeping, or what is going on - when she sees him she always exclaims loudly and excitedly about her kitty and everyone hears it.  He is more than an emotional support to her - he is a HUGE part of her life.  I worry about her mental health because she's been through so much (she is in therapy and has made great progress in the years she's been with us), but I could see losing Leon really setting her back.  We just have to try everything we can.

So today was hard.  Very hard.  I sat on the couch stress-eating junk food waiting to hear from the vet about the urinalysis.  I will be paying for that with my skin and bones later.  After he called we went straight to the hospital; I would guess we got there around 2:45.  I was so on edge that I yelled at everyone in the car to shut up while I called to let them know we were there.  I'm usually super patient, but I did not have it in me today.  (I later apologized because I felt so bad about that incident.)  Anyway, we did not make it home until after 9 this evening.  It has been an emotional roller-coaster and I'm crashing.

Leon is staying overnight getting fluids and steroids and hopefully we can get him eating again.  If the doctor says he's perked up in the morning then I am going to order the experimental treatment overnight and we'll start him on it Saturday.  It is honestly our last option and I am hoping more than anything that it works.  Shaun usually doesn't go for stuff like this, but he knows the importance of this cat.

Don't get me wrong - I love my Gramson like the world, but I am so extremely worried about what will happen to Kira if he doesn't make it.  She has been so great taking care of him while he hasn't felt well.  I see her doing what I've done when she and Shadow or my animals needed me and I know how hard it is.  I know what it looks like to push your feelings aside so you can be the caretaker.  I know how bad it hurts to hear a loved one might not make it, and the grasping at any bit of hope you can grab to keep them with you.  I am more than familiar with those hard decisions that come with end of life and I am desperately hoping she doesn't have to endure that yet.

I don't know.  I'm just letting my feelings out and hoping for the best.  I really don't know what else to do at this point, but I needed to let it out.  I'm really worried, and I'm really scared.