Out of the 4 of us (me, Shaun, Shadow, and Kira) I am EASILY the most social. I like having friends and getting to know people and having folks to do things with, like skate or do nails or go to the thrift store or grab a boba or whatever. But I have found that since we moved to New Mexico (2+ years ago now) I'm actually pretty good without having the physical presence of friends around me constantly. I am both surprised and unburdened by that.
I feel like COVID changed a lot for me. There was a time when it was easier to focus on the things that drew me to another person for whatever reason, but since the pandemic started the first thing I think about is the safety of myself and my family. I realize that the newer strains of COVID are not killer like they once were, but I don't want to be sick, nor am I willing to risk me or my family getting long-COVID. It sounds terrible and affects a person for who-even-knows how long. It's not a risk I'm willing to take for myself, nor anyone I care about.
I saw how most people in the south treated the pandemic and it scared me how little regard anyone had for anyone else. No one cared if they were asymptomatically carrying the virus - they weren't going to be burdened by wearing a mask to protect anyone else. People weren't staying home or getting vaccinated to prevent the spread of the disease, either. And I feel like that was the beginning of the end of me caring to have an in-person relationship with most people.
The lack of care regarding anyone who is not yourself is not an attractive trait to me. It never has been. I am not an uncaring person myself and I need that reciprocated. It frequently wasn't reciprocated during my time in Alabama, so I avoided most people right up until we left. And once we left I was SO RELIEVED. If I'm far away, no one can reasonably expect to see me frequently, can they?
Our little family of 4 has by and large been an island since we arrived at our new home. I made a skate friend, but she got injured and stopped skating so we are social media friends now. I made another friend, but she and her husband didn't vaccinate or wear masks, so despite everything that we had in common seeing her was always a stress for me. She and her husband almost always wanted to hang out in our house. The kids were uncomfortable and frankly, so was I. When she blocked me over not sharing a GoFundMe that she created (literally no one else I know knows her, so how would it have helped?), I was honestly relieved.
What I have found that I do enjoy is having people visit, or visiting people. I had a good friend stay a week-ish in April and I took that time off work and we explored and ate went on adventures and had a wonderful time. Shaun and I masked when we felt we needed to. Our friend didn't, but she was also vaccinated and we were by and large outdoors, anyway. I have another friend coming in a week or so and I am hoping for another great experience.
In November I am going back to Alabama for 2 weeks. I will see who I can, but I will be masked when not in my hotel room or around unvaccinated / mixed company. I am driving because the airports are full of disgusting, sickly people and I'm 100% sure that's how I got COVID when I visited home from Cincinnati. I am going to do my best to maintain my safety and still have a good time. But I will be relieved when it's over and I can go back home to my safe space.
Our little family of 4 has by and large been an island since we arrived at our new home. I made a skate friend, but she got injured and stopped skating so we are social media friends now. I made another friend, but she and her husband didn't vaccinate or wear masks, so despite everything that we had in common seeing her was always a stress for me. She and her husband almost always wanted to hang out in our house. The kids were uncomfortable and frankly, so was I. When she blocked me over not sharing a GoFundMe that she created (literally no one else I know knows her, so how would it have helped?), I was honestly relieved.
What I have found that I do enjoy is having people visit, or visiting people. I had a good friend stay a week-ish in April and I took that time off work and we explored and ate went on adventures and had a wonderful time. Shaun and I masked when we felt we needed to. Our friend didn't, but she was also vaccinated and we were by and large outdoors, anyway. I have another friend coming in a week or so and I am hoping for another great experience.
In November I am going back to Alabama for 2 weeks. I will see who I can, but I will be masked when not in my hotel room or around unvaccinated / mixed company. I am driving because the airports are full of disgusting, sickly people and I'm 100% sure that's how I got COVID when I visited home from Cincinnati. I am going to do my best to maintain my safety and still have a good time. But I will be relieved when it's over and I can go back home to my safe space.
I feel like short bursts of people are working out for me. The rest of the time I am so happy to be left alone because that is the only time I don't have to think about exhausting shit like "Are they vaccinated? They're coughing. Why aren't they wearing a mask? Do they wear a mask when they go out to try to minimize what they pick up? Who / what have they been exposed to recently that they're not telling me?" and on and on and on. If most people refuse to look out for others, then it becomes a situation where I have to look out for myself. And this is what that looks like: Me, working from home, staying to myself and enjoying the company of Shaun and the kids and the pets 48/52 weeks of the year.
It shocked me by how NOT upset I was by this revelation. If it's less stressful to not have real-life in-person relationships, then so be it. I can do that. Social media exists. I write, I do nails, I skate, I have pets and plants, I have my best friend and the kids here with me. We're about to have a pool and a swing set. I really can't think of anything to want for. I'll probably get an online therapist eventually (for unrelated reasons), but yeah. I think I'm just over the IRL social part of my life, at least for now. 🤷
It shocked me by how NOT upset I was by this revelation. If it's less stressful to not have real-life in-person relationships, then so be it. I can do that. Social media exists. I write, I do nails, I skate, I have pets and plants, I have my best friend and the kids here with me. We're about to have a pool and a swing set. I really can't think of anything to want for. I'll probably get an online therapist eventually (for unrelated reasons), but yeah. I think I'm just over the IRL social part of my life, at least for now. 🤷
No comments:
Post a Comment