I fully admit that I'm a ridiculous person.

I fully admit that I'm a ridiculous person.  I'm ok with it.  I'm living my best life openly and authentically.  But there are times that I really think I'm closer to the neurodivergent end of the spectrum than I thought my whole life.  I should probably get tested.

Example:  I recently got a new tablet/laptop/all-in-one because my Surface tablet that Shaun bought me around 7 years ago when I started at JSU has been failing.  There have been issues with charging it despite buying a new charger, so I haven't been able to reliably use it in a while.

I also had this giant desktop-replacement laptop that I've had for 4-ish years that worked for most things, but I couldn't play my puzzle games on it as easily due to the size and the fact that it it didn't convert into a tablet.  I recently wiped and re-homed it and got something newer to replace both the tablet and laptop and it works for everything I want to use it for.  I really love it and that's great.

HOWEVER, now that I'm back to playing games on it I can't stop.  I enjoy the Microsoft Solitaire games once in a while, but they have daily challenges (5/day) going back to January.  Guess what?  I can't not do them all.  It's so dumb.  It's like if I'm going to do any of them, I MUST have a perfect record for the year.  Am I having a blast?  Nope.  It's just a compulsion and I know from years of being myself that fighting it isn't going to make it better.  If anything, I will be able to put it off, but at some point I'll panic and try my hardest to finish them all before the end of the year.  So I might as well save myself the stress and do what I can starting NOW.

I could be working on my database.  I could be writing.  I could be working on my website.  There are so many things I could be doing and would like to be doing, but I'm not.  Because Solitaire.  I'm going to either keep up with the daily games starting in January or just swear them off entirely this coming year.  I wish I'd never started them when I got this new computer, but I did and now I'm dealing with those consequences.

Another thing I'm binging hard as fuck is Dexter.  We're on the last season - FINALLY.  And I just want to finish it.  I don't know why everything has to be a "challenge" to me, but many things that should be relaxing are just... not.

How I relaxed today after this past ridiculously-long week was to snooze in my bed off and on until 4 pm.  I don't have a sleep hangover so I clearly needed the rest, but there is nothing to me more luxurious than being left alone in my bed.  I wasn't allowed to sleep in much on weekends as a kid.  Then when I had Shadow I wasn't sleeping much because I had a baby.  Then a boyfriend who wouldn't drive but wanted to be driven all over the world on the weekends, and many years of working more than one job, etc.  Sleep and being left alone have always felt like luxuries to me.  Thankfully, Shaun understands and when I need quality time with my bed, he leaves me to it.  So by the time I got up today, I felt pretty good.  I accomplished literally nothing, but at least I'm rested.