I woke up last night due to a dream...

I woke up last night due to a dream that was so scary and realistic (with the actual probability that it could have been a real situation) that I grabbed my firearm.  I was in full panic mode and it took me a few minutes to sort out that the situation was not real.  The location of my phone was the only real tip-off, because it wasn't where I left it in my dream.

Not to try to sound all Billy Badass or whatever, but I have aimed and pulled the trigger at a human being before.  I was 16 and pregnant, and I was scared for my life and that of my unborn child.  Lucky for the person at the other end of the barrel that the gun wasn't loaded.

In case anyone has the idea that I might be going soft in my old age let me be clear that 17 years of working this hard to have what little we've got hasn't softened me one bit.  If anything - it's made me harder and more determined to protect my family and what's ours.

I have a legally obtained firearm.  I have a permit to carry.  My brother has trained me how to use it.  It's not on my bucket list to kill anyone or anything, so I really hope that no one ever forces my hand.

But it is loaded this time.

Ok, earlier I posted about graduating in May.

Ok, earlier I posted about graduating in May.  That's so exciting.  I have more details, but didn't have a chance to post them before now.

So, next semester I will be taking Cal II (the only other credit that I need to graduate), as well as my first Programming class.  I'm SUPER excited to about trying my hand at programming!  I will be graduating after next semester, but I'm staying on at GSCC for Cal III in the summer before transferring to JSU in the fall (I was accepted there last year, but I don't know if I posted that).  I had no idea that you could still take classes at a place after you graduated (I legit thought that graduated = done; I'm telling you - some of this college stuff still feels new to me!)  LOL

There is also currently (UNFORTUNATELY) some issue with JSU's Presidential Scholarship right now (which is what I was banking on getting once I transferred)... we hear that they may be terminating that, so that means I will have to look for other scholarships to help pay for going there.  I have been invited to join Phi Theta Kappa and I hear they have great scholarships, but it costs $75 to join, so I haven't yet.  But I'm thinking I will do it when I get paid tomorrow.  I think it would be a good investment.

Anyway.  That's the current plan.  I feel almost accomplished.  🙂

I just found out that I'm gonna graduate GSCC in May!

I just found out that I'm gonna graduate GSCC in May! The ceremony will be in Centre, but I hear it's nice.

If I even passed that one...

If I even passed that one I will be lucky. 🙁

Ugh. It's almost GO TIME. As in GO MY ASS TO CLASS time. 🙁

Ugh.  It's almost GO TIME.  As in GO MY ASS TO CLASS time.  🙁

I've studied and I've made a little progress, but not as much as I'd have liked.  I honestly don't know if I'm consistently making the same mistakes repeatedly, or just little ones here and there that throw the whole problem off (since these problems are long and very detailed.)

I'm honestly kind of freaking out a little, but hopefully I can chill down.  I bet the fact that I've had coffee isn't going to help me do that, though.  I just wanted my brain to be alert for studying and I was feeling pretty drowsy after I woke up.

Fortunately / Unfortunately, my friends from Cal class seem to feel about the same as I do.  I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like "Oh shit!" but I hate that they are feeling this way, too.

Anyway, I'm off.  Wish us all the luck.  We need it!

Well. I don't feel great about that psychology test.

Well.  I don't feel great about that psychology test.

Trying my best to get ready for Cal now.  Wish me luck.

I think I'm going to bed. My brain is exhausted. 🙁

I think I'm going to bed.  My brain is exhausted.  🙁

I've got a psychology test in the morning and then a Calculus test in the evening.  I'm not feeling super about either.  I'm actually pretty afraid of the Cal test.  🙁

We are finding derivatives and I just seem to really suck at doing it.  I don't know why.  I have practiced and practiced and I still get wrong answers to about half of the ones I try on the first run.  If I look at the answers in the back of of my book I can SOMETIMES find where I went wrong, but not always.  I feel sad and frustrated.  I really hope I have a breakthrough tomorrow.

For now I'm gonna rest.  I watched some videos on YouTube to try to get myself straightened out.  I generally feel like I have a handle on what I'm doing, but then I try to do it and mess it up.  Maybe my brain will work on it in my sleep.  Here's hoping.

I hope the week is going better for y'all.  Once I get tomorrow out of the way it should be a down-hill coast from there.  ❤