Flowers and a g😍rgeous cactus.

Flowers and a g😍rgeous cactus.

I started Lexapro today.

I started Lexapro today. Just half - like the doctor said. I was dead inside all morning, but less so later today.

I just remembered that I have Calculus homework due tomorrow. Guess who didn't do it. This girl. I am so completely checked out of school right now. I am having a hard time being "present" for much of anything, really. I painted my nails twice before I got this bad off. I think my nail art looked great. But I haven't even posted photos of it.

This is such bad timing because finals are the week after next. I hope I find some motivation soon. This emptiness / not caring isn't fun. I am stressing myself out. 🙁 I'm going to sleep now. At least I know that's something I WILL do. 😕 Goodnight, friends. Tomorrow is a new day.

Depression is still winning, but...

Depression is still winning, but my doctor switched up my meds. Maybe I'll feel better soon.

In happier news:  Look at my plants.

The color my Fred Ives (the big one) is showing is blowing my mind. The top leaves are new growth; the lower ones with duller colors is what he looked like when he came to me. This photo is not edited. #NoFilter
It's probably not obvious from this angle, but he's a bit etiolated. I'm considering making him shorter and propagating some babies from him. I bet they would be beautiful.

I just love this picture. All of the shapes and textures float my boat.

Polka Dot Plant

Purple Passion

Begonia Rex

I left school to see a doctor.

I left school to see a doctor.

I made it to school.

I made it to school. I'm tired and don't want to stay and probably won't go to the gym like I should. But I'm here.

On a brighter note these are some of the things I love about Jacksonville State University:

I woke up over an hour ago.

I woke up over an hour ago. I guess I have no excuse today. Getting ready for school. Wish me strength.

I'm still not 100%...

I'm still not 100%, but I'm feeling better than I did last week.  I checked a few small things off of my house and school to-do lists since Friday so I'm sure that helped.  I still might talk to my doctor about changing my meds, though.  I'm having more days with breakthrough depression than I'd like to.

On a positive note yesterday I filled out what should be my last FAFSA.  I also have my class schedule for the rest of the year.

Summer:

CS 462 - Ethics and Legal Issues

MS 309 - Combinatorics

Fall:

CS 412 - Disaster Response and Recovery

CS 450 - Computer Networking

MS 441 - Abstract Algebra

MS 475 - Senior Seminar

THEN... this time next year I will be taking Differential Equations (again) and my last 400-level CS elective.

AND THEN I'M DONE.

GRADUATING.  😳😳😳

I know that sounds like great news but at the same time I never thought I would attend, (much less graduate from), JSU.  So the closer I get the more anxiety I have that something is going to stop me.  I'm sure that nonsensical stress is also great for my depression.  🤣🤣🤣

Anyway, I think I'm off to catch a nap.  Celexa makes me super drowsy so that's another reason I don't hate the idea of switching up meds.  Woo.  I hope you all are doing well.  🧡🧡🧡