I just got lotion in my eye and it hurts.

Also, it hurts A LOT to get toothpaste in your vagina. I would suggest not doing those things.

Anyway, I haven't written in a while and the urge has hit me to do so and... well - here I am. It will probably just be random crap that's on my mind so you've been warned.

SO... tax class isn't what I expected. It's taking up all my time - even on the days I don't have class because it isn't run very efficiently. It ticks me off a little... why do I spend 6 hours a week in class doing nothing and that much time PLUS some at home doing work? It just doesn't make any damn sense. I didn't sign up for that class to sit around, eat donuts, and gossip. I think I'm going to stop putting so much effort into it. I'm sure I can still do well regardless. On the bright side, though, Nick is turning out to be quite the Mr. Mommy for Shadow while I'm gone / busy. I knew he would. I'm a lucky girl. Yeah, I love the Nick. He's the bestest. It's OK to be jealous... I would, too.

I saw Amanda the other day... gosh, she was pretty as ever. It put a smile in my heart to hang with her for a while. It really felt like we'd never even missed a beat. I love that. She's turned into such a beautiful young woman.  To be around her the other day was interesting - I could picture her the way I remember and see her the way she is now. It's like she's the same, but different. (Yeah, I know I just stated the obvious). I can tell she's busted her ass since our time apart to get where she is... it's a weird thing to process when our last memories seemed so care-free. But I know the feeling... I've gone through a lot and worked very hard to get my life in order, too. I wonder if she sees the same thing when she looks at me... a grown-up version of someone you used to play with. It's kind of bizarre... it's had my mind all twisted for the last few days. I can't wait to see her again. 😊

So yeah I feel so friendly lately. I've gotta be honest - I'm not even sure of what I mean by that, but I feel it. I feel more accepting, I guess... more open. Whatever. It's there. People aren't getting to me like they used to... "Bring me the bitches, bring me the psycho's, bring me the ugly, bring me the just plain stoopid..." Those are the people I don't usually tolerate very well, but I've decided that they just need a hug. (Yes - my hugs cure ugly). Well, I have plenty to give. There's room for one more. Maybe I've been listening to too much Matisyahu lately...

"Let go, release, you hold the keys

Time we evaporate into the breeze

We are nothing, we are something

Let go, release, you hold the keys

It's time we evaporate into the breeze

We are nothing, we'll be something

Welcome to the desert of my soul

You can stay if you like

There's room for one more

There's room for one more"

Anyway, Shadow's doing well. He's looking all "Bugs Bunny" with all his new teeth and stuff. It's cute. He's growing up so fast. He's reading and spelling really well. He's been emailing Jajuan a lot... I can tell he misses him. We all do. 😞

You know I think it's time I learn to enjoy life more. I'm wayyy looking forward to the football game with Jill this weekend... also the prospect of seeing Amanda at some point. Nearer to Halloween us and some friends are going to Six Flags... and that is what I'm talkin' bout. Usually, I'm just too damn tired to bother having fun, but I think it's time for other things to take the back burner. I'm too young to not have a good time. Not that I'm miserable all the time or anything... Hell, I can clean my house and have a blast. But I can't build a friendship with my kitchen floor. At least I don't think I can. I haven't really tried I have to admit.

Plan to take me dancing in the near future. I've never been and I want to go. But don't get drunk and leave me stranded / scared. I'll never forgive you.

❤

Me, September 2006

*coughs* I'm Blu', and I like puppy breath.

ramble>

So I don't know if it's just the season or what, but I feel damn good lately despite the cough I'm getting and my never-ending sleepiness. I always feel kind of new - so refreshed this time of year - and I love it. I feel more like myself during the fall. I feel "in my element" you know?

Well, anyway, this blog will probably not be anything more than rambling about things going on in my life lately, but read it if you must. Today I was so caught up in my daydreaming while driving that I passed the place I was supposed to be going.  It's nice to know that I can still let myself wander like that occasionally... I have to try to be so on top of things all the time that I never do just relax and drift. Speaking of - I'm having the urge to walk. Just take myself and my mp3 player and go walking around the lake or something and enjoy the weather. It would probably be nice to have Scooter along for protection because I don't like to be alone, really.  No human company for this trip... it's too hard not to talk to a person and talking would defeat the purpose.

Lately I'm feeling kind of creative, or free, or productive... something good, anyway. I'm ready for a change in my life. I never really knew what I wanted out of life... I always thought it was so dumb in high school for the teachers and everyone to pressure the students into figuring out what they wanted to go to college for. I always felt really dumb, too - because of that. I really had no idea what I wanted to do with myself and am still not quite sure. My mom had pretty much ground it in me that I was going to Auburn upon graduation of high school to become a veterinarian. While I loved animals (and still do to this day) I don't think I'm quite cut out for that. Thank goodness for Shadow's arrival or I actually might have gone along with that. But, I stray.

I've been thinking of things I enjoy doing and I think I'd like to do more of that. There are a few websites that will pay you for articles that you write and I've always liked to write. I may not be great, but it's worth a shot. Also, I'm planning to become USDA licensed to breed animals - which I know I would greatly enjoy. And - just because I'm that big a dork - IF things fall into place I'll be taking a tax preparation course very soon so then I can do taxes this coming up season. That last one is kind of iffy because I'm not going way out of my way to do it. Another thing that's crossed my mind before that I haven't acted on is online classes. I need to check way more into that (help me, Jill), but it's a definite possibility, too. So yeah, I think if any of that works out that would mix things up a little. I'm so tired of feeling stagnate. So, I quit.

Anyway, another thing I'm feeling really good about is Amanda. I'm hoping to see her soon. That would be SO awesome. Whoa, and her birthday is coming up. And then, the day after that is the day that I met Nick 5 years ago (who, btw, just had a birthday). Wow. Those freakin' Virgos. Notoriously (if you follow astrology) Sags and Virgos are pretty opposite and don't often build lasting relationships. It's possible, but not without work. Well, I've always heard that if you don't have to work for it it's not worth having and I believe that. Truthfully, those have been (in my short little lifetime) the two most rewarding relationships I've ever had. Yes, they are WAY challenging at times, but I wouldn't give either of them up without a fight. To Nick (and Amanda although you don't have a myspace page that I know of) I love you. I really love you. A lot. 😊

And that being said, I think that is all I have to say. 😀

/ramble>

WOW... life is full of surprises.

But (at least in this case) not one of the bad ones. It's more like one of those that makes you stop and all you can think is "Whoa." That's pretty awesome. So let me fill you in.

For as long as I can remember I've had a friend named Amanda. I think I was in first grade and she was in second when we met. We lived in the same town (down the street from each other, in fact) and knew each other through our parents. (She went to a different school than I did). We didn't get to see each other all that much despite living rather close to one another. But we talked on the phone a lot and saw each other when we could. We stayed friends like that until she went off to college.

The summer before she went to college I remember us sitting together on my mom's daybed and crying our eyes out because she would be leaving. That was a very sad day for me... I just didn't want her to go away. Well, the summer went on and I found out some life-changing news of my own - I'm pregnant. Of course I called my BFF (she hadn't left yet) and let her know what's going on. I was so shocked / scared that I didn't know what to do and she just let me ramble on and on until I felt better.

Seeing as how our lives were going in very different directions at this point I should've known that we'd lose touch. I hoped like hell that we wouldn't, but we did. She became busy with college and work and I was struggling with problems of my own - trying to finish high school and trying hard to figure out how I was going to raise a child.

That's not to say that I never thought of her. In fact, she was on my mind a good bit. I always thought of her on her birthday and sometimes she'd just pop in my head from time to time for no apparent reason. I always wondered what she was up to and how she'd been all this time. I missed her. I missed the days when her dad would take us to Pizza Hut and Baskin Robbins and to a movie. I missed nearly drowning in her pool and having to be saved by her. I missed talking about getting our periods and boys we liked. I missed hiding in her closet because I didn't want to go home. I missed doing nothing in Munford with her. I missed the goofy way she always smiled and watching her laugh until she peed...

One day my dad told me that she'd moved back. I was stoked, but it had been so long since we'd talked that I didn't have a clue how to get in touch with her. Really, I didn't know if she'd even want to hear from me so I never even tried. I guess it didn't matter because it wasn't too long before I bumped into her at Wal-Mart one day. I couldn't just walk away from that. She was on the phone and I didn't want to interrupt her so I just stood there - kind of behind her for a while. When she finally turned around I waved and she looked so shocked. She got off the phone and we briefly caught up. It was crazy. We exchanged numbers and talked a few times.

After that, though, I couldn't get through anymore. I kind of thought maybe she didn't really want that much to do with me after that. Then, out of the blue one Friday she called. Her phone had been giving her a lot of trouble. This happened a few times over the course of a year and it kind of worried me. I was a bit confused, too. Why would she call once and not anymore? Could her phone really be that messed up? It was just so bizarre that I didn't know what to make of it.

Anyway, finally I couldn't take it anymore. I missed her and we'd never really gotten a chance to finish catching up. I HAD to talk to her and let her know how I felt. So after going all STALKER for a moment I got her address and wrote her a letter and put it in the mail. It wasn't terribly long; it just pretty much said that I missed her and was worried and that I wish I'd tried harder to stay in touch, etc. It included ALL of my contact info, too. Also I called her grandmother, who I always freakin' adored. It was nice to talk to Granny. 😊 That was a few weeks ago.

Well last night I got quite a pleasant surprise. She called me! She said that she'd been really busy moving some stuff, but that she'd gotten my letter. We talked for a while and have pseudo made plans to hang out. Also, she told me that she just found out she was pregnant. How cool is that? Seven years later (WOW... I can't believe it's been that long) I could return the favor. She seemed really freaked out and worried about being a good mom. I reassured her and told her that I'd be there for her and help out any way I could - without a doubt. Hopefully, we will keep in touch this time. I feel really optimistic about that.

The End.