I had nightmares about this funeral.

I had nightmares about this funeral. About people getting close to us (not social distancing), about me making a scene about that, about FIL being buried with a slain horse (because for whatever reason [in dreamland] Veterans get buried with horses), about his dead body being dead but somehow waking up and looking for deceased MIL (who for some reason in my dream was alive) to give her a kiss.

To be super clear I'm going solely to support my husbang. I personally do not give one shit about this sort of thing. Plus, pandemic and all that.

We're going to make sure the funeral home has everything setup ok and then we're going outside. Anyone who wants to offer condolences to us at the funeral home can do it outdoors.

The actual service will be graveside, which we did purposefully due to the pandemic. Since FIL was a Veteran they are folding a flag and handing it to the next-of-kin, which is Shaun. We'd planned to keep distance from the crowd, but it sounds like we need to be up front for that. At least it's outdoors.

The worst part is probably after, when everyone expects to come to the house and bring food. We don't want a bunch of people in the house that we are now responsible for. We asked FILs sister if she'd host and a few days ago and she said that was fine, but there is a ton of plastic dishes and cutlery in the house now, so we aren't sure if that's the plan at this point. If everyone is coming to the house we're responsible for, we feel a pressure to be there. If not, we can skip it. We can stay outside regardless, but we're honestly just not up for socializing after all of this.

Oh, and guess what? I have been excessively tired for days and felt feverish last night. It could be another round of PMS because my period didn't make it last week. I have an IUD so I'm thinking the lateness is caused by stress. But with as much as we've had to see people lately I can't pretend that despite our best efforts it is entirely possible I've caught the virus (or some other bug). Wonderful.

By the way, I apologize for not responding to everyone's comments (yet). I will. It's just been an insanely busy week and I'm running low on energy.