This is probably my last private post for a while (hopefully).

This is probably my last private post for a while (hopefully).  I will write a public post at some point later once I'm sure all of the family members have been informed.  Shaun's father passed away this morning.

Around midnight last night Shaun texted me and we had a little chat about how his care-taking duty was going.  It was actually pretty heart-warming.  He said he remembers calling to his parents from his old bedroom as a child and that this was a strange role reversal.  He said it wasn't so bad helping his dad up and down to get to the bathroom; they would just chat about random stuff while he tried to poop (which FIL hadn't done in about a week either due to the possible stroke found in the recent scans or his pain medication; we're not sure).  He said he wasn't stressed or grossed out - it was just something that needed to be done.  Some other relative had gotten FIL some adult pull-up style diapers and he'd been wearing those, which helped with the urine aspect of things.  It was so weird hearing him talking about changing his dad.  Regardless, hearing that he was doing ok with all that calmed my nerves a great deal and I actually slept a bit last night.

I woke up around 9 this morning to a phone call from a sobbing Shaun.  I could barely make out what he was saying but I heard that he needed me there and to be careful, so, instantly awake, I threw on some clothes and left the house.  When I got to the road that his father lives on I saw an ambulance leaving the driveway and then turning their lights off.  Unsure if FIL had passed I asked the first person I saw, which was an officer doing paperwork in the driveway, and he confirmed what I suspected.

Shaun was basically up with his dad all night.  Since FIL was so constipated, he wanted to try to use the bathroom frequently.  I didn't find out until this morning (Shaun was probably protecting me from it) but he said his dad moaned and writhed in pain almost all night despite the pain medication (which he wasn't doing at the hospital, so his condition had deteriorated); it was not a restful night for anyone.  At some point around 6 this morning, Shaun fell asleep.  He woke up around 8 to a relative calling to be let in because they were going to help him dress FIL and get him ready for his appointment.  He woke up to let them in, then went to check on his dad and found him unresponsive.  Relative (a nurse) started doing CPR while Shaun called 911.  His pacemaker / defibrillator started making noise and delivered a shock.  The paramedics arrived and tried CPR, to no avail.  At some point while that was going on, the pacemaker company called and asked about a weird rhythm showing up on their monitors a couple hours prior.  As far as I know the cause of death is that his heart stopped.  With having 10% function for so long, that is really not surprising.

After the coroner picked FIL up, we spent a few hours looking for documentation that the funeral home requested (with no success).  There were a lot of people around and it was really stressful.  Last night I had scheduled a grocery pick-up from Wal-Mart for the noon-1 timeslot today, so I told Shaun we should go get our groceries, go home, let him get some rest and come back later when he was feeling better and the house was empty.  We got home, he showered, ate, and crashed.  I feel so bad for him.  He says his body hurts from lifting his dad so much (he weighed 200 lbs and Shaun lifted him at least 20 times last night).

So... funeral stuff and estate stuff is where we are now.  That is also extremely stressful, but in a different way.  I know this sounds horrible but we are relieved that his dad is not suffering anymore because he definitely was and had been for a while.  Being unable to help that in any way was getting to us so bad.  I'm just grateful that Shaun had as good of a night as he could with him before he passed away.