This is a long one. I just have stuff on my mind. Feel free to skip this. 😄😄😄

This is a long one.  I just have stuff on my mind.  Feel free to skip this.  😄😄😄

So to get this out of the way:  I'm in the midst of the worst menstrual cycle OF MY LIFE.  I felt so sick and exhausted before it started.  Then once it started flowing holy shit did it flow.  I've been using discs for a while now (emptying / cleaning every 12 hours) without any leakage but on Sunday I went with Shaun to pick up food and felt the dreaded "gush" happen.  I immediately grabbed some napkins and shoved them down my pants.  When I got home I'd actually overflowed my disc.  I checked it later on and it was full then, as well.  It's eased up as of now (thank goodness) but that was rough.

Around this same time I thought that since the big scary part of moving (driving a long distance with our animals and our stuff) was over and that we were getting settled I could ease up on my antianxiety meds.  Haha.  I guess I thought I felt fine but I noticed that I started feeling short of breath pretty often when that hadn't been the case before.  Until now I carried my tension in my shoulders.  I failed to realize that my chest was tight and that was restricting my breathing.  Between the awful PMS symptoms I was having and the shortness of breath I convinced myself that I probably had COVID.  I went so far as to schedule a test before I realized what was going on.  Fun times.

Needless to say I've felt pretty rough the last few days and have gotten very little accomplished.  On top of that the dogs have been indoors since the wedding on Sunday.  We've been taking turns sleeping on the couch with them to make sure there's no trouble since this is a new situation.  Cubba is house trained as far as not peeing or pooping indoors, but he'll still chew random things every now and then.  Rose never spent much time indoors but when she did had no issues soiling in the house.  She got into some cat food, though, and has since developed diarrhea.  I woke up the other day to 6 puddles of it in the carpet.  We put down puppy pads and she's using them for the diarrhea when it strikes while we're asleep.  She still hasn't wet indoors so that's good.  Cubba taught her well.

Other than that it's actually going ok having the dogs inside.  Kind of.  😂😂😂

Cubba is one of the most bomb-proof dogs I know.  He's not bothered by fireworks or animals or things being close to him.  In fact, he's so friendly that he will play with / go with anyone.  With that said, he ignores the cats like a good boy and will even pile up on the couch to sleep with them near.  They aren't scared of him, either.  I'm thankful for that.  I've had more kitty and puppy snuggles in the last few days than I can count.

Rose is exactly the opposite.  Everything scares her.  She is clearly very uncomfortable inside and just stays in one place unless she's following Cubba somewhere.  She met the cats a few days ago and is so scared of them that it's hard to get her back indoors once she goes out.  But then she whines and barks at the door if we leave her outside.  It's pretty annoying especially since she doesn't come to us without Cubba and she doesn't respond to her name. (She's not deaf.  She was scared by a sound the other day.)  We would take her out leashed but the child needs to RUN.  We play with her and throw toys for her and chase her because she likes it.  That is all of the interaction she wants from us, though.

The cats aren't afraid of her at all, it seems.  She's been swatted twice that I know of for getting too close.  Bastian hisses at her sometimes, but he also hisses at me if I walk too close to him so that's just how he is.  Balthazar straight up rubbed on her chin the other day and she was so petrified she didn't move.  Thankfully she is not reacting aggressively, but this is not ideal.  I had hoped that more rescues would be less packed here and that someone would be willing to take her but apparently the words "special needs" are kind of a red flag.  (I am not going to lie to get help.  I care about her well-being so I'm always up-front when I contact a rescue for help.)  So, our pretty little dumb-dumb is still here and we're still doing the best we can with her.

We had a mason come by today to give us an estimate on raising our block wall and that should be able to be done within a few weeks.  Once we do that we can put in a doggie door.  Until then we need to keep everyone (mainly Cubba) under lock and key because he will venture out to make friends if he can find a way.  And he's so stubborn that he will find a way.  He is 100% my child.  😂😂😂

Anyway, it's not exactly been a stress-free time.  I'm currently battling a pretty bad headache and kicking myself for wasting the day.  It's not easy settling in and I still haven't painted the kids' rooms and there is so much left to unpack and clutter bothers me a lot so you know - I'm having a great time.  😂😂😂  For real, though, I am loving the early morning balloons and the evening playtime and the weather and the food.  I am happy here and the kids and Shaun seem to be, as well.  But it's hard only focusing on all of the beauty and good things when life still feels upside-down.  I know we'll find our balance eventually and things will be great, though.  I just need to calm down and be patient, I guess.

Well, that's all I've got for now - just a bunch of rambling.  It feels better to have it out than to keep it in, so there you go.  I don't know why more of y'all don't do this.  😂😂😂  I'd read it.  Anyway.  I'm off to do some laundry or something.  I hope you all are well!  ❤