My life force was depleted before I did anything meaningful.

I woke up feeling like I had energy and needed to get some things done.  Unfortunately, my life force was depleted before I did anything meaningful.

I heard a ruckus downstairs between a dog and a cat.  I knew Shaun was down there and I heard him break it up.  I found out later when I went down that Rose attacked Harley, one of our cats.  Harley is ok, (thank goodness), but I hate to think what could have happened had Shaun not been right there to intervene.  Rose doesn't usually bother the cats at all and instead is scared of them.  I'm guessing that her new medication could be to blame for her boldness because nothing else has changed - not even our sunroom since the electrician postponed the work until next week.

I'm feeling heavy in my heart.  I know she's only on day 2 of medication and that it can take time to work or that she might need something different, but that didn't feel like a good sign.  On top of that she still acts nervous about things.  When Shaun put together some chairs earlier she got in my lap.  Later when she wasn't on me and I reached to let her sniff my hand before I pet her she stopped in her tracks and ducked (which is typical for her).  So far the only change in her hasn't been a good one.  I desperately want to be patient and help this dog, but not at the expense of our other pets.  We're going to give it some time and possibly postpone her surgery if we need to.  We can't spend that kind of money on her and then have to turn around and put her to sleep.  I'm straight up not having a good time right now.

Not only that - I'm seeing so many posts from my friends and family in AL that they are sick.  Ugh, I hate that so much.  But then I also see pics and posts of people going out for unnecessary things and a lot of people not masking or vaccinating and it confuses me and gets my anxiety up.  Even if you don't give a shit about yourself you know that other people do, right?  And not only that you could be infecting other people because you can be asymptomatic for so long.  I don't know what else to say except that I care and I hope if you are sick that you end up ok.  This is some super scary shit to me.

I read articles about AL and I've read that superintendents and school nurses are having to sub for teachers in some areas because so many teachers are sick and no more subs are available.  Hospitals are severely understaffed which means that even if there are literal empty rooms there, there is no one to take care of you if you have to go to one.  Y'all understand that, right?  I don't see COVID news shared on here like when the pandemic started and I totally understand that we're all sick to death of it, but guess who doesn't care whether you're tired of it or not?  COVID.

Maybe I spent too much time doom-scrolling this morning and ruined my own day.  I don't know.  I probably did.  But I can't just turn off the fact that I care and it's all but impossible to bury my head in the sand and pretend that nothing is going on.  So today wasn't a good balance for me.  It happens, I guess.  I tried to do several things and just couldn't.  I wanted to move my plants and I looked at them and went "Nope."  I told myself that I needed to put away my laundry, but that didn't happen, either.  The only thing I did do was (unenthusiastically, which is WRONG) open some nail polish and leave it in a pile in the floor.

I guess I'm gonna go.  No one needs my Debbie-Downer bullshit.  I just needed to vent, I think.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  ❤