I guess I've been pretty quiet. This might be a long post.

I used to tell the internet everything and I just don't anymore. I feel like a lot of me sharing so much with the internet was due to the newness of it all (it was pretty fun at first) and the fact that I was probably lonely on some level. It was also cool to find people that I'd lost touch with and it was certainly handy to stalk people with (to cure boredom or otherwise - don't act like you've never. 😂) Now I guess I've just lost interest with a lot of that - not to mention that a lot has changed with me over the last year or so. I'm not complaining, though.

Anyway, I'm awake tonight doing my laundry. I ended up sleeping A LOT this weekend so I'm not even a little tired right now. My bestie is probably doing things to his house, or sleeping, so I'm not going to disturb him. Nope - I'm going to blog. I've kept to mostly to myself so I have plenty I can say.

In Shadow-ish news - he's still a good kid. But he's getting an attitude. He's approaching double-digits - the "tweens" I believe it's now called. Holy shit and whatnot. These are the years that I've been scared of and I'm no less scared now that it's here. I've never really felt that I was cut out to be a parent, but I've always tried. And now I'm starting to feel like I'm in over my head. When he gets an attitude with me I usually yell at him. Which either a) makes him cry, or b) makes him angry. So I've been trying not to do that lately and talking to him calmly seems to work better, but I have to REALLY try hard to make that happen.

Not only that, but he's got this thing with video games - he likes them a lot and he gets upset when one stumps him. Also, that's pretty much all he talks about and that's kind of annoying. I'm starting to feel like I want to just get rid of all of them completely and let him find something else to be interested in, but I don't know. It's not like his grades are slipping or that he never plays with his other toys or picks up a book or anything. He does. I guess it's just a matter of how much is too much, ya know?

Along the lines of Shadow, but not really:   Pooh. I hear that he's back in town, but he hasn't contacted us. I sent him an honest (and probably somewhat hurtful) email at the end of last year and haven't heard from him since (well - until he admitted recently in a comment on one of my status updates that he was sort of stalking me). I don't really know what the deal with that is, although I suppose if I REALLY wanted to know I could ask. But I don't care to make contact.

I hear (which means it could just be some BS that was passed along to me) that he came back to be a part of Shadow's life... but after almost 10 years? Are you kidding? He's got 3 other kids in another state who are probably somewhat used to having him around so I can't wrap my head around ditching them and coming here to wreck the life that Shadow's gotten used to. But like I said I don't know the story - it may not be true at all.

Anyway, I've got a claim form that I need to fill out and send to Norfolk Southern - the railroad company who owns the tracks. The county met with them and they still say that there are no problems back here, but they did give a number to file a claim for damaged property. The county sent me a copy of the letter with that number on there so I've passed it on to my neighbors. I've gotta check and make sure that they file claims, too, so that those idiots at the railroad company might take us seriously. I have a feeling that if more than one of us speaks up we have a shot at getting something done with that ditch back there. Wish us luck.

So I just realized that it's been about a year-ish ago that me and my lover became "official." For those who are not all up in my business I will just tell you: As of about September of last year me and Nick were no longer together. We had a lot of issues and I'm just going to say that we were largely incompatible and leave it at that. We talk occasionally and I think it's safe to say that we don't hate each other's guts, so I'm ok with that. He doesn't like to be blogged about so that's as far into it as I'm going.

Back to what I was saying... it's been about a year and I've yet to be all, "Shaun is my boyfriend" in a public place (such as the internet). I think part of it is that we work together, but if the coworkers don't have a clue by now then they're probably not going to. It's never been a secret that we spend time together and stuff like that, but unless you're one of my close friends I doubt it's really come up. So anyway:  Shaun is my boyfriend and he is THE AWESOME-EST. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He's so kind and thoughtful and helpful. And beautiful. And nice to Shadow and my dogs. And fun to be around. And SNUGGLY, OMG. I love him from his head to his toes - even the way he picks his nose. (I'm dead serious - it's so clean I'd eat out of there when he's done. I can't stand snotty noses).

I realize that I probably sound crazy, but he makes my life better. It's kind of a big deal. We get along so well and like doing a lot of the same stuff. I guess it's not that we have a ton of specific interests in common, but more that we're both up for doing / trying whatever most of the time. Even when we're working around our houses and stuff it doesn't really feel like work. I don't know. I just find it absolutely amazing that I mesh so well with another person. My heart feels all glowy and I am HAPPY. 😊

I guess I'm done with laundry for the night and I can't think of anything else that I haven't already posted. I'm going to get ready for bed because I don't want to be late for work in the morning. I guess I'll catch all of yous later. ❤

Quickie... (Part 2)

I'd like to put it out there (and NO, this is not an open invitation to start flinging animals my way) that I'm down to 20 of my own + a foster dog. Nick finally took his hedgehog the other day, my last mouse died, and I did something I've never done before: I sent an animal away that I'd planned to keep. Fostering is one thing... I've done that a few times. But when I have plans to keep an animal I will usually keep them no matter what. If there are issues I'll train them or work around it somehow. But that just didn't happen this time and I can't say that I didn't try.

We have a kitten named Midna and she's a good girl. I went to my mom's and picked up one of her cats, Twilight, to keep Midna company (Midna was SO playful that she was driving me nuts!) Twilight had been outside all of her life, although she was only 5 or 6 weeks old - the same age as Midna. Well, this cat had litter box issues from the start. We cleaned the box every day and that didn't work. So I bought another one and that didn't work. So I confined her and I just felt bad about it. But it didn't work either. Not only that, but she wouldn't stay off the table or counters and she never cleaned her butt. She smelled TERRIBLE.

After the last few months of her peeing in my shoes, any available Wal-Mart bag, Shadow's bed, the floor, and the carpet, she finally peed on the love seat that I'd just steam cleaned. And that was the last straw. I really think that that cat might have been mentally stunted because she just made no progress in all the time she was here. I have a spray bottle that I squirt them with to keep them off the table and counters and Midna just won't go up there anymore. But Twilight would no matter what. I just really think she would be more suited to live outdoors and she can't do that here. I live too close to the road. So I sent her back to my mother's house. Shadow and Midna are taking it pretty well, (Midna seems happy, even), but I feel guilty. I've never just given up on an animal like that. Not even when Emma ripped up my floor and I was furious over that.

Well, Midna just jumped up in my lap and smells surprisingly sweet. I want to lick her, but I won't. I might try to find out what she's been into, though. I might be up for rolling around in it, too. 😛 Laters.

Quickie... (Part 1)

I think my car was robbed. I used to have a really cute Oscar the Grouch trashcan in there and it's gone. Also, I had a fairy necklace hanging on the rear view mirror and the crystal (pretty, but totally worthless) is gone from it. I cleaned my car rather thoroughly last week and I didn't notice anything fishy at the time - although I don't recall seeing my trashcan.

I'm not upset as much as amused... it's just so odd. I never lock my car and pretty often leave the windows down because I never have anything of real value in there. I don't know. I guess the only thing I wonder about the situation is where it happened... I think I'd be more upset if I knew that this happened at my house. I don't like to have my space invaded.

So anyway, that's all that's new with me. SOS has some pretty big news, but he can share that if and when he feels like it. All I'll say is that it kept me pretty busy all weekend. 😁

The FAST.

So, I did it. All of the 8 days. I did eat the night of the 8th day because I thought it might make me sick and I REALLY didn't need to be sick at work the next day. I guess I was pretty lucky - nothing bad happened.

I realize that everyone is different, but starting and ending the fast went nothing like I expected. I've read that you should taper off from eating before you fast - but I went to Mexico Lindo and ate until I was full. I read that you should only eat fruits and veggies when coming off a fast - but I had a salad, pizza, and some dark chocolate truffles. And I can't think of any complications from any of that. Well, after I ate again I didn't poop for a few days, but I don't like pooping anyway - so whatever. I don't think that I was necessarily clogged up so much as it takes a little time to get things moving again.

Coming off the fast was kind of emotional... when I was making my salad I kept thinking I wanted a bite of tomato, but that I shouldn't eat it. And then it was like, "Wait! I CAN EAT IT!" So I was fucking EXCITED. Like - I was shaking - I was so excited. Apparently, some of what I eat I eat for pleasure. Probably not the best habit, but I feel like that is the norm. At least now I have some idea of how much I NEED to survive versus how much I WANT because... well, I want it.

As for my skin this is what I'm going to try to do. I think I will still have a juice every morning. That is good for me and I like it. Maybe after that I will have some sort of organic cereal with vitamins and protein so that way the protein will keep me from getting hungry early in the day. Then, I can have all of the fruits, veggies, and nuts I want during the day, and then whatever for dinner. That's a pretty large amount of raw food which is supposed to be good for my skin (and probably the rest of me, too). I don't know. I don't have a hard time sticking to that when I come to work prepared. So I guess the biggest thing for me is to make sure I've got healthy food with me. Also, on the weekends I will try to be good, but no promises. If I'm good 5 days out of the week then that is the majority and fuck my skin if it can't deal with that.

I'm hoping that if I can eat more raw and maybe cleanse / fast 3 days a month that it will help. I'm pretty sure there's no way I'm giving up cooked / processed food entirely, but maybe if I can keep it down to 1 meal per day or so then it won't be like I'm just overloading my system with crap non-stop. Regardless, it will definitely be a change in my eating habits for the better.

Anyway, I guess that's all. And now I'm sleepy. ❤

Days 5 and 6 of my FAST

Well, days 5 and 6 have been about the same as day 4... mostly. Today I've been especially tired. I did get to bed later than I intended and I woke up early.

Taking care of myself = I'm doing it wrong. 😕

Unfortunately, in more ways than one.

I've realized that I almost never (like, EVER) go to bed when I'm tired. And I should. I'm tired for a reason - we all are. And when you're fasting you REALLY need to stick to getting your rest. I've done better this past week than I have in (most likely) my entire life, but that doesn't mean that I've had a perfect record of turning in when I need to. That's probably not great for me - especially since I apparently do have something not quite right with me.

Maybe if I didn't push myself so hard I'd have time to heal. My normal routine is to do light housework after work, check my messages, make some food (well... not this week, but in general), etc. And then, when I get tired that's when I get up and REALLY do things. I can think of a million things I need to do before I go to bed so I wake myself up and do them. Then I crash later than I need to and do it all over the next day. I think a change is in order.

So aside from being tired and un-energetic today I've been (according to others) a little goofy in the head. I've thought it was raining and thundering all day and it wasn't. I've been cold (to be expected when you're fasting), but apparently everyone else was pretty warm today. I honestly don't know how off my temperature is seeing as how I'm usually a little colder than everyone around me, but a few people seemed shocked that I was wearing a big coat with the hood up. Also, I've been a little dizzy-headed at times.

I think all of this may have something to do with me not drinking as much juice as I should. You're supposed to feel energetic and buzzy after the detox period on a juice fast, but to be quite honest I'm tired of juice. I've not been having the same thing day in and day out, but I think I'm just tired of juice in general. I was drinking it daily anyway before the fast and now that's the majority of what I've been consuming for almost a week. So, I've not been drinking all that much - mostly water.

I've been drinking a glass in the morning and sipping some throughout the day (I usually don't even finish half of a glass Starbucks bottle during the day) and then when I come home it's pretty much water for me unless I feel like making orange juice or something like that. While I don't feel bad I don't feel wonderful, either, and I'm SURE that's why. I'm supposed to be drinking juice anytime I'm hungry or thirsty (along with water, but the emphasis is more on juice).

At this point I don't feel that I'm doing myself much good, but there's only 2 days left. I'm still going to try to make it to that. I do think I will break the fast on Thursday night rather than Friday morning (hey, I didn't eat while I was sleeping on Wednesday - so it balances out) just because I've read that even eating light can not only wear you out, but do some fun things to your stomach / butt. So, needless to say I'd rather be at home for that than at work and I am certainly not waiting until Friday evening to eat. I'll probably have a tomato... things like that and watermelon and any light fruit are all good to start back eating.

Anyway, all in all it's been an eye-opening experience - especially in regards to my relationship with food. I do believe that I will be doing a monthly 3-day fast (get past the detox and quit 😂) to hopefully keep things in check and remind me that I need less than I think I do. As long as I'm not just bogging my body down with utter crap I've read that a small monthly fast could be beneficial. So, I guess I'll get to find that out.

Well, I need to go grab a few more fruits and veggies to last me the next few days so I'm off to do that. I will let you know how the remaining days go.

Fasting, Day 4

Well, I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised with the results so far. The last 2 days were kind of rough (probably detoxing - which I deserved for not treating my body better), but today I feel quite nice.

I finally went to sleep around 3 this morning... I'd been lying around on the couch most of the day dozing and watching the tele so I wasn't exactly tired before that. Anyway, I woke up at 6:30 this morning to let the dogs out and I was feeling pretty energetic. Luckily, I had someone to take that out on and then I fell asleep again for another 4 hours or so. While I'm not bouncing off the walls I do feel energetic and not sick. No food cravings so far. All I've had today was a single orange (juiced) and some water. I'll probably make another mix before I leave to do some errands and I'll be fine for a while.

So, on to my skin. My face has pretty much cleared. What's left there is barely visible and I really only know it's there when I touch it. When I woke up today the skin on my belly and back wasn't sore at all. Usually the first thing I have to do is lotion it - it's dry and red and cracked and sore. But not today. It actually looks a bit lighter and is smoother, too. I still slathered down in lotion because it's dry skin nonetheless, but it's definitely improved. So I'm pretty excited about that. 😁

So far this has been a really neat experience. I guess when I'm done with my fast I'll try to eat mostly raw, but I doubt I'll be able to fully stick to that. I've read accounts of people fasting for 3 days a month to keep their bodies clean and I guess I could see that being a possibility for me - especially if it actually manages to clear my skin. If I clean myself regularly maybe the detox won't be so bad and I won't have to force myself to eat a 100% raw diet. I'm no good at "dieting" no matter what it's for.

Anyway it was a rough weekend, but the lovely boyfriend really took care of me and helped me through it. He's pretty much the best EVER and I'm a really lucky girl. ❤

One more thing: While on this fast I've realized that hunger is more in your head than your stomach. You would probably be surprised at how little of the right things you need to survive. After doing this I can honestly say that I believe we are over-fed and under-nourished.

More to come...

I'm on day 3...

So far today has been the worst. But I'm hanging in there.

Day 2 (yesterday) was not so easy. I was craving a salad SO hard. I tried to make a salad and juice it, but it was SO thick (I don't like that - I have texture issues - I'd never juiced a tomato before and that didn't go over so well [this is the main reason that green smoothies are not for me]) so I couldn't even get myself to drink it. I'm actually online looking for some more juice recipes... I just need some juice that is not so sweet. I am about sick of sweet juice and unfortunately that's about all I've ever made. If there is anything else that anyone could recommend for fasting - let me know. I'm up for suggestions.

The only other things about Day 2 that I noticed was a few bumps on my face and a bit of a runny nose. Also, I was a bit grumpy... food had been under my nose all day - all of which looked and smelled good. Oh well. Onward.

Day 3, (today) has been pretty rough. None of my juice was very appetizing and I ended up just having plain apple this morning. I promptly felt sick. I know that this was not the best thing to do, but I read (somewhere, among all of the reading I've been doing) that it was not TERRIBLE to do this: I had some chicken broth. And then I laid down. I felt much better when I got up, but I felt SO weak. I made some juice with apple / carrot / spinach / beet / lemon / celery... blegh... the celery. I might try that again minus the celery. It was MUCH stronger than I expected. Mostly drinkable, though.

I've got a dull headache lurking around, but my skin didn't hurt or look as angry when I woke up today. I'm REALLY cold - but I'm wearing snow pants and a thick coat. Also, I'm sore. Like, "when you have the flu" sore. And weak - I'm supposed to be resting a lot so that my body can do the work. All of these are supposed to be signs of your body cleansing so all in all I'm feeling like something is happening, which is interesting.

I guess you could say that I broke my fast with the chicken broth, but regardless I'm not quitting yet. I'll cut myself some slack seeing as how this is my first time. Anyway, off to be a couch potato.