Any of you runners want to take a dog out for a spin?

Any of you runners want to take a dog out for a spin? I've got one crated and she has some energy to burn. Unfortunately, I can't keep up and don't have too many options for letting her exercise safely.  The best I can do at the moment is put all the dogs out and give her the dog room for a while. But that's nothing like fresh air and a friend!

Olive's eye is opening up...

Olive's eye is opening up (we'll see if it lasts after the drops are done) and the kittens don't have eye boogers for the first time since I got them. Maybe the meds are working. Nappy is still crying when she stands, but she's a big weenie so I'll give her some more time. I hope everyone is on the mend!

Marriage Rant

I've had a couple of people ask me why me and Shaun don't get married. I guess, financially, it would be a smart move for me. But, there is so much more to it than that

I have this huge problem with getting married so that someone can "take care of me." I have this huge problem with anyone "taking care of me" regardless. I can't really explain it, but if I can't handle my own, then I'm not doing ok. Maybe it comes down to no longer being in control of my own life if I'm depending on someone else. Maybe it's that if someone is taking care of me and seeing to my well-being, then I owe them something. I'm going into debt somehow. I mean, what if they quit? Where does that leave me? Nowhere? In bad shape? If someone is taking care of me, then I'm more of a pet than a person, right? I don't know. I just have a lot of problems with it.

I got started thinking about all of this when my car broke down about a month ago. (Looks like not a lot has changed for me there in the year I've neglected this blog.) Yeah, Shaun lives close to me and we work at the same place so it wasn't like getting a ride to work was a huge deal. But then I wanted to do something with a friend that was out of his way so I had to ask him to take me. When I needed to go to Wal-Mart I had to ask him to take me. I just got so mad. I spent that whole week ANGRY because I had to ask him to help me. Every day I was like, "THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME TO WORK, GOD DAMN IT!" It just pissed me off so much that I needed help. Really, I was grateful for a ride and told him as much, but he knew I wasn't happy. It threw me back into the days of living at home with my mom when I had to ask permission for everything. I had no independence. I was at his mercy. SO NOT OK with me.

I mean with me having a kid and needing a better car and living usually on the broke-ish side and all that it would make financial sense for me to try to get married and have someone help me with all that. But I can't do it. I just can't. I love Shaun all the way down into little bitty pieces, but that is one reason why I would not want to become his burden. IF I am ever to marry I will be an equal partner and bring something more than a needy woman to it. I certainly will not be bringing the debt left over from my last relationship into it. I will not be showing up without a car so that he can provide one for me. I just feel like it's so shitty of any person to let their life go to hell and then expect some knight in shining armor to come and marry them and fix it all and support their children and live happily ever after, blah blah blah. What does the knight get out of that? Why are you even worthy of him doing that?

And I don't want to hear the BS about marriage being about love. If that is ALL it's about, then why do you need to move in together and combine everything? I'm sure many people do not share this sentiment, but I can love Shaun while he still lives at his house. And he can love me from where he is, too. We've been doing it for a few years now with no problems. Honestly, I worry that I will not be able to live with someone again. I like things how I like things at my house and I don't want to compromise. I want to do what I want to do without needing to take anyone else into consideration. I enjoy that. It is called freedom and it's a damn good thing.

I imagine that one day when Shadow is grown and out of the house I will feel differently. I'll be older and maybe a little softer and probably lonely with him being gone and I'll have my shit together the way I want it (I certainly damn should). Maybe then I will be worthy of giving myself to someone else and maybe I'll realize that having things just how I want them isn't more fulfilling than live-in companionship. But I am not there yet. Things are working out, I'm happy being my stubborn self, living with Shadow and a bunch of dogs, and there is just no reason to change that yet. I guess that once again I'm the odd man out here, but being a married person is not at the top of my to-do list. It boggles my mind that it is for so many.

Just want to put it out there that this is my own feeling on the whole deal. He hasn't asked me or anything so it's not like it has come up. I guess people just don't understand why you wouldn't rush out and get hitched if things are going well. I think that neither of us feel the need to do that, so thankfully, we are on the same page.

Ten years ago today...

Ten years ago today I was tying my shoes on the arm of my mom's blue recliner, listening to Q104 while getting ready for class at Ayers State. I heard the news and my stomach dropped. I was scared and not sure what to do so I went about my day as normal. After class I went to work at Spencer's in the mall and met Nick. That was a rather life-altering day.

Olive is sometimes looking at me with 1.5 eyes today.

Olive is sometimes looking at me with 1.5 eyes today.  Maybe the drops are working!  She's also getting to spend some time out of the crate and on the couch.  When I sit by her I get this huge, goofy, wide open-mouth grin.  I think she's having a good day.  🙂  Wish I could get a photo, but I think the flash hurts her sore eye and I can't get a good photo in my lighting without it.

I feel so unmotivated today.

I feel so unmotivated today. And I have a lot to do. Which, come to think of it, is probably why I don't want to do anything.  🙁

Aww!

Aww - Oogy is sleeping by her heater! She LIKES it! 😃