Long ranty post. You have been warned.
Since I look like an old fart and feel like an old fart I'm gonna rant like an old fart. This is directed at no one in particular (honestly!), but there are a few people out there that I wouldn't mind knowing have read this and have taken it to heart. If you agree with what I'm saying feel free to share.
If people shopped for friends or significant others - would you (looking at yourself objectively) be worth purchasing? If not then I don't get why you don't understand the reason that you have no real friends or partners in your life. The currency for any relationship is time and if you're not worth spending time on / with then you won't have a chance to build anything real with anyone.
I will be the first to admit that I have really high standards for the people that I allow in my life. I have learned over the years (often the hard way) what traits appear in a "quality" person. I also have some ridiculous requirements that almost no one meets, but it makes for a wonderful and very comfortable inner circle once you have found your tribe. I'm not going to go into all of my particular quirks, (like must be an animal person. Simply liking animals is NOT the same), but here are some basics against which you should probably check yourself from time to time.
1) Are you an honest, trustworthy person?
Do you steal? Do you sneak around? Do you lie to get your way or manipulate others? If you do those things, then you're probably not a good person. You will probably be someone's "I learned _____ the hard way" teacher. Unfortunately, those teachers are not usually remembered fondly.
2) Do you do illegal things?
I'm not going to say that I agree with every law, but regardless I try not to break them. There are other ways to incite change. Breaking laws and doing illegal things put you and others at risk. If the people you are involved with are also down with breaking laws in the same ways you are, then good for you. But if you're having trouble finding people to hang with you, then you might want to think about that.
3) Are you financially stable or on your way there?
If not, then you are probably a drain on the people you associate with. If you aren't bringing something magnificent or awesome that money can't buy to the table, then you are likely taking too much from others. I can almost guarantee that people who have no obligation to you (family, for instance) will tire of that eventually. And for the record there is usually a point at which your family owes you nothing, either.
4) Have you put any effort at all into developing yourself as a person?
Do you have hobbies, or education, or are you particularly knowledgeable about any subject in particular? If not, then how are you interesting to other people? Is there any way in which you are giving back to and / or enriching your community?
5) Are you a mean person?
How do you treat others? Like they are there to serve you? Like they owe you? Like equals? Do you look down on certain groups / kinds of people? Do you make fun of other people or try to bring others down? There are plenty of women that I know who have almost all of this basic list checked off, but they are mean as shit to people who are different than they are (if not to their faces, then behind their backs or on social media). For me that's a deal-breaker. It's not that hard to just be nice.
So if all of these things are features that people shop for when they are looking to bring someone worthy of their time into their lives: How do you measure up? Are you lacking a majority of these things? If so, then don't be surprised that you don't have friends.
I can't speak for everyone, but this is my basic list.
Do y'all have basic lists of things you look for in other people or did I miss any big things? This wasn't a planned post. I've just been seeing wayyy too many "I don't have any friends" statuses lately and thought I'd try to help some folks out.
