So pumped about Cal I!

So pumped about Cal I! We didn't waste any time and started today. LOVE MY TEACHER!!!

Also... These friends. 😃

Psychology class went ok.

Psychology class went ok.  I took the precursor to it, oh... 15 years ago?  LOL  There was a hand full of students who hadn't take it at all.  She said that it would help to remember what we'd taken, but she would make sure not to leave us behind.  That's nice.  Sounds like the class will require a lot of work (case studies, assignments, etc.), but that's ok.

I just read a GINORMOUS announcement from my Calculus teacher.  An excerpt:  "If you will put in the time and effort and participation, I can help you prove to yourself how capable you are."  I'm feeling pretty excited right about now.  Sounds like he will be a great teacher, so hopefully I will do well in his class.  I would love to prove to myself that I can ace Cal I.  😃

On another note I got a letter in the mail.  Apparently, I forgot to pay my mortgage this month!  😳  That is unlike me because I'm so usually so organized and worried about stuff.  I'm telling y'all - I hit a LOW point.  Was very not myself for a little bit there.  😕  So I gotta figure that out ASAP, but it'll be ok.

Well, AC guy just left.  Woohoo!  Maybe we'll stay cool now.  I hope.

It's after 8 and Blackboard says...

It's after 8 and Blackboard says I'm still in Biology and Ethics.  LOL  So much for checking it in the morning.

I've been up since 6:30 this morning.  I didn't sleep until 3 or even noon any day this weekend, so I feel like I'm making progress on making a good sleep schedule into habit.  Never thought I'd see the day that I went to sleep and woke up around the same time every day, but here I am - acting like a real adult.  LOL

This isn't much, but I did one bodyweight circuit from Nerdfitness this morning, too.  I could do more, but it's hot in my house (the A/C keeps freezing - guy is on the way!), but I also don't want to burn out.  I really don't like to exercise, even though it does make me feel better.  So I'm taking baby steps and that's ok.

Maybe by the time I come off these antidepressants I will have built enough good habits that I'm just ok.  I suppose only time will tell, but I do know that any self-care habits I had before I started school have gone down the toilet one by one and that when my animals died I beat myself up RELENTLESSLY over it.  It also doesn't help that I carry around a massive amount of guilt over my life being mostly ok when so many others are not.  I am not more deserving than people who are born in horrible countries or the animals we farm or anyone in the ecosystems we destroy - I just got lucky.  It's really not fair and I have no idea how to reconcile that except to help others when I can, but it feels like not enough.

And with that, I'm off to clean my litter boxes, feed everyone, and shower.  Happy Monday, people.  ❤

Gotta love it when...

Gotta love it when school starts tomorrow and Blackboard hasn't even updated to reflect your new classes.  😕

Last semester it wasn't updated until late late late - (had to be after midnight because that's the last time I checked it), but the teacher posted an announcement at some point that the first class wouldn't meet, but no one in the whole class checked Blackboard first thing in the morning (who does that?!) and showed up anyway.

Note to self:  Check Blackboard in the morning.

I really love that Blackboard is a thing now, but dang... update it a day or two before the new semester starts PLEASE.

In other news:  Today I felt ok.  Woke up a little swimmy-brained, didn't last long, and I wasn't even a dead lump.  Progress!  🙂

Y'all wish me luck tomorrow.  First days are usually pretty chill, but I'm trying my best not to anxiety myself to death over Calculus.  This is the one I've been waiting for.  It will probably determine if Computer Science is actually attainable for me.  😳

I took half a Celexa last night and today was much better.

I took half a Celexa last night and today was much better.  I was barely nauseated, less swimmy-headed, and oh - I FINALLY slept!  (Though I am sure that part had something to do with the Melatonin gummy I ate).

I never heard from the doctor, but I'm planning to stay on 10mg unless I need to take the full dose he prescribed.  My motivation isn't back to 100%, but I do feel less dead and less down than I have, which is REALLY nice.  I can do things, but I'm taking it easy this weekend because school starts Monday, so I'll be running my ass off then.  I probably won't have another weekend of downtime anytime soon.  😕

Over the last couple of days I've been having bursts of energy, but with the way my head feels I've been afraid to act on them.  It feels really pressurized and like if I get my blood pumping I'll get a migraine, so that's no good.  But if my head gets right soon I will start doing more exercise than just walking.  I gotta do something because I hate feeling antsy, but it's not like it wouldn't be good for me anyway.

And on that note I'm heading to bed.  I took my medicine like a good girl and also ate another gummy.  It's super early for me to be going to sleep on a weekend, but I've been waking up early and I'd like to stick to that schedule if I can.  I might even set an alarm for in the morning.  ON A SUNDAY, Y'ALL.  I think I've probably never done that in my life.  LOL

Goodnight, friends, and thank you ❤ to everyone who has checked on me and helped me through this medication ordeal.  It may not be over, but it's such a relief to know that I'm not alone.  I appreciate all of you!

Today was not fun AT ALL.

Today was not fun AT ALL.  My head is so loopy that I'm a little scared to drive.  I feel dizzy if I turn my head too fast.  I've got a weird headache (I've had it since yesterday, but it wasn't so bad).  I only slept 2 hours last night, then 2 more, and then I was awake for the day.  Oh, and don't forget the nausea.  Overall, I'm feeling really not good about this medicine.  🙁

If I had time to sit around and adjust it would be one thing, but classes start back Monday, and while I might survive Health and Psychology on little sleep and with a loopy brain I feel like I need to be on top of my game for Calculus.  I ordered my book today, btw, so that's exciting.  Also a little scary.  Shit's getting real now.  😳

I called the doctor and left a message, but never heard back.  He told me before I left my appointment that I shouldn't be feeling anything major, but I definitely am.  I think I have some sort of sensitivity to medications since I rarely take anything, but when I do I usually end up feeling like this.  I think I'm going to take half a pill tonight and see how that goes.  If I still can't rest I'm probably giving up, or either I'll cut it up into quarters and see how that goes.  All I know is that I feel worse than I did before.  I can handle nausea and headaches (got really used to that on methotrexate), but this loopy business and no-sleep mess has got to GO.

I went to bed around 11, woke up at 1, then again at 4.

I went to bed around 11, woke up at 1, then again at 4.  That's really not cool.  I start school Monday.  I can't be a sleep-deprived zombie.  🙁