Looks like it's going to be a long night.

Looks like it's going to be a long night. Baby cat freaks out if so much as one person leaves the room. 😕 We needed to go to Wal-Mart (I was low on cat litter before he ended up here), so we left him in my bedroom with the door shut. He promptly panicked and tried to cram himself through the gap under my door. 🙁

Ended up crating him so he wouldn't rip up my floor, hurt himself, or reach my cats under the door. He's been screaming since before we left and since we got home.

I don't have any great solution; the last time I brought home kittens they got sick - as did some of my adult cats with some sort of cold. It was awful. So I want to keep him quarantined, but I don't have a cat-safe room, really. The best I've got is my bedroom, but I have my tarantula, ball python, and horned lizards in there. I don't exactly want a kitten loose in there - not to mention the fact that I'm allergic to cats so I don't want him all over my stuff.

Anyway. Little Long Tail is safe and fed, but not necessarily happy. He meowed / growled when he ate, cried when he pooped, and feels a little thin. Hopefully I can have him seen soon and hopefully he settles in. I was doing great on my schedule and want to keep my momentum. Already a little late making it to bed, but I'm turning in soon.

Goodnight, friends. Wish me some sleep, please!

On my way home from class and...

Just found this thing in the median on 431 in front of the Mapco near Winn-Dixie. Tried to grab him when no traffic was coming and he ran across the road. Turned around to get on the other side of the road and when I got close enough to see him I sat down and called him. Thankfully, the traffic was big and scary and he came to me after deliberating and crying about it for a few minutes.

Super lovey, vocal, really long tail, unsure of gender. (Will check later.) Was hungry and thirsty. No idea if he belongs to someone (posted in Happy Tails) but if unclaimed, will need a home. I already have 10 cats. Will help with spay or neuter.

So pumped about Cal I!

So pumped about Cal I! We didn't waste any time and started today. LOVE MY TEACHER!!!

Also... These friends. 😃

Psychology class went ok.

Psychology class went ok.  I took the precursor to it, oh... 15 years ago?  LOL  There was a hand full of students who hadn't take it at all.  She said that it would help to remember what we'd taken, but she would make sure not to leave us behind.  That's nice.  Sounds like the class will require a lot of work (case studies, assignments, etc.), but that's ok.

I just read a GINORMOUS announcement from my Calculus teacher.  An excerpt:  "If you will put in the time and effort and participation, I can help you prove to yourself how capable you are."  I'm feeling pretty excited right about now.  Sounds like he will be a great teacher, so hopefully I will do well in his class.  I would love to prove to myself that I can ace Cal I.  😃

On another note I got a letter in the mail.  Apparently, I forgot to pay my mortgage this month!  😳  That is unlike me because I'm so usually so organized and worried about stuff.  I'm telling y'all - I hit a LOW point.  Was very not myself for a little bit there.  😕  So I gotta figure that out ASAP, but it'll be ok.

Well, AC guy just left.  Woohoo!  Maybe we'll stay cool now.  I hope.

It's after 8 and Blackboard says...

It's after 8 and Blackboard says I'm still in Biology and Ethics.  LOL  So much for checking it in the morning.

I've been up since 6:30 this morning.  I didn't sleep until 3 or even noon any day this weekend, so I feel like I'm making progress on making a good sleep schedule into habit.  Never thought I'd see the day that I went to sleep and woke up around the same time every day, but here I am - acting like a real adult.  LOL

This isn't much, but I did one bodyweight circuit from Nerdfitness this morning, too.  I could do more, but it's hot in my house (the A/C keeps freezing - guy is on the way!), but I also don't want to burn out.  I really don't like to exercise, even though it does make me feel better.  So I'm taking baby steps and that's ok.

Maybe by the time I come off these antidepressants I will have built enough good habits that I'm just ok.  I suppose only time will tell, but I do know that any self-care habits I had before I started school have gone down the toilet one by one and that when my animals died I beat myself up RELENTLESSLY over it.  It also doesn't help that I carry around a massive amount of guilt over my life being mostly ok when so many others are not.  I am not more deserving than people who are born in horrible countries or the animals we farm or anyone in the ecosystems we destroy - I just got lucky.  It's really not fair and I have no idea how to reconcile that except to help others when I can, but it feels like not enough.

And with that, I'm off to clean my litter boxes, feed everyone, and shower.  Happy Monday, people.  ❤

Gotta love it when...

Gotta love it when school starts tomorrow and Blackboard hasn't even updated to reflect your new classes.  😕

Last semester it wasn't updated until late late late - (had to be after midnight because that's the last time I checked it), but the teacher posted an announcement at some point that the first class wouldn't meet, but no one in the whole class checked Blackboard first thing in the morning (who does that?!) and showed up anyway.

Note to self:  Check Blackboard in the morning.

I really love that Blackboard is a thing now, but dang... update it a day or two before the new semester starts PLEASE.

In other news:  Today I felt ok.  Woke up a little swimmy-brained, didn't last long, and I wasn't even a dead lump.  Progress!  🙂

Y'all wish me luck tomorrow.  First days are usually pretty chill, but I'm trying my best not to anxiety myself to death over Calculus.  This is the one I've been waiting for.  It will probably determine if Computer Science is actually attainable for me.  😳

I took half a Celexa last night and today was much better.

I took half a Celexa last night and today was much better.  I was barely nauseated, less swimmy-headed, and oh - I FINALLY slept!  (Though I am sure that part had something to do with the Melatonin gummy I ate).

I never heard from the doctor, but I'm planning to stay on 10mg unless I need to take the full dose he prescribed.  My motivation isn't back to 100%, but I do feel less dead and less down than I have, which is REALLY nice.  I can do things, but I'm taking it easy this weekend because school starts Monday, so I'll be running my ass off then.  I probably won't have another weekend of downtime anytime soon.  😕

Over the last couple of days I've been having bursts of energy, but with the way my head feels I've been afraid to act on them.  It feels really pressurized and like if I get my blood pumping I'll get a migraine, so that's no good.  But if my head gets right soon I will start doing more exercise than just walking.  I gotta do something because I hate feeling antsy, but it's not like it wouldn't be good for me anyway.

And on that note I'm heading to bed.  I took my medicine like a good girl and also ate another gummy.  It's super early for me to be going to sleep on a weekend, but I've been waking up early and I'd like to stick to that schedule if I can.  I might even set an alarm for in the morning.  ON A SUNDAY, Y'ALL.  I think I've probably never done that in my life.  LOL

Goodnight, friends, and thank you ❤ to everyone who has checked on me and helped me through this medication ordeal.  It may not be over, but it's such a relief to know that I'm not alone.  I appreciate all of you!