I'm hanging in there, friends.

I'm hanging in there, friends. I'm not having an easy time, though. Monday was really good, but yesterday and today were harder. I'm taking my medication as prescribed, but I feel like I'm yo-yo - ing between ok and not ok. Maybe it just takes time to level out.

I know it's all exacerbated by end of semester stress. Also not helping is a couple of people who I thought were friends being super insensitive. I'm too fragile for that shit right now so I've removed myself from their presence. I just can't deal with it right now.

On a happier note Shaun saw how down I was today and got me my favorite food. Also, Emily surprised me with a super cute Groot planter. I'll post pictures of him once I decide what his hair is going to be.

And with that, I'm off. I have no energy. Getting through this day used up all of my life force. I'm done.

I was productive today.

I was productive today. I went to school, did a presentation, came home and cleaned, did some homework, got organized / made a list of things to do for school, and went grocery shopping with Shaun. I'm super exhausted. Considering that I've napped and done not much of anything else pretty much every day for about the last 3 weeks - this was a huge day. I'm so thankful I'm finally getting back to myself. I really hate feeling so incapacitated and helpless.

Today I studied...

Today I studied, spent time with the kids and Shaun, swept some of the floors, and then showered (for the first time in like a week - yikes, I know!)  I'm about to brush my teeth (who have also sadly been neglected) and pick out clothes for tomorrow.  I am planning to go to school and at least go through the motions of being a productive human.

Even though I'm behind on my whole life which is not a good feeling I feel like I'm finally getting the energy and motivation back to catch up.  I sure hope I can do it in time to pass all of my classes.

Goodnight, friends.  🧡

Three or four days ago I hit a really huge low.

Three or four days ago I hit a really huge low.  It was awful.  But after almost a week on a full dose of Lexapro I feel like I'm finally starting to level out again.  Though I'm still pretty exhausted my motivation is coming back, at least.

There is one more week of classes left and then finals.  I have gone to school a total of 3 days in the past two weeks so I'm BEHIND in a big way.  🙁  I've got a lot of catching up to do if I'm going to finish this semester strong; it may not be possible, though.  Despite normally not being happy with anything less than an A I'm willing to accept that I might scrape by with a couple of C's this time and I'm not even mad about it.  I'm at the point where I just want to put the semester behind me and keep moving forward.  In the end getting it done is what matters, anyway.

I'm off to do some math and try to make some progress.  I don't feel super able to concentrate at the moment, but at least I'm up for trying and that's more than I can say for myself any other day this week.  I hope you all are well.  If not, it can get better.  Hang in there.  That is my best advice.  🧡

Flowers and a g😍rgeous cactus.

Flowers and a g😍rgeous cactus.

I started Lexapro today.

I started Lexapro today. Just half - like the doctor said. I was dead inside all morning, but less so later today.

I just remembered that I have Calculus homework due tomorrow. Guess who didn't do it. This girl. I am so completely checked out of school right now. I am having a hard time being "present" for much of anything, really. I painted my nails twice before I got this bad off. I think my nail art looked great. But I haven't even posted photos of it.

This is such bad timing because finals are the week after next. I hope I find some motivation soon. This emptiness / not caring isn't fun. I am stressing myself out. 🙁 I'm going to sleep now. At least I know that's something I WILL do. 😕 Goodnight, friends. Tomorrow is a new day.

Depression is still winning, but...

Depression is still winning, but my doctor switched up my meds. Maybe I'll feel better soon.

In happier news:  Look at my plants.

The color my Fred Ives (the big one) is showing is blowing my mind. The top leaves are new growth; the lower ones with duller colors is what he looked like when he came to me. This photo is not edited. #NoFilter
It's probably not obvious from this angle, but he's a bit etiolated. I'm considering making him shorter and propagating some babies from him. I bet they would be beautiful.

I just love this picture. All of the shapes and textures float my boat.

Polka Dot Plant

Purple Passion

Begonia Rex