Yesterday was a fluke.

I've had an actual good day today.

I've had an actual good day today.  I'm sorry for being MIA again, but I'm working on my math final.  I failed Exam 2 so bad that I've gotta do well on the final or I'll only be passing 1 class this semester.  😬  I don't want that, so I was doing some research and came across something I liked so much that I wanted to share.  Big shock - it's about math, but I think it's beautiful.

"Do you know what the foundation of mathematics is? The foundation of mathematics is numbers. If anyone asks me what makes me truly happy, I would say: numbers. Snow and ice and numbers. And do you know why? Because the number system is like human life. First you have the natural numbers. The ones that are whole and positive. The numbers of a small child. But human consciousness expands. The child discovers a sense of longing, and do you know what the mathematical expression is for longing ... The negative numbers. The formalization of the feeling that you are missing something. And human consciousness expands and grows even more, and the child discovers the in between spaces. Between stones, between pieces of moss on the stones, between people. And between numbers. And do you know what that leads to? It leads to fractions. Whole numbers plus fractions produce rational numbers. And human consciousness doesn't stop there. It wants to go beyond reason. It adds an operation as absurd as the extraction of roots. And produces irrational numbers ... It's a form of madness. Because the irrational numbers are infinite. They can't be written down. They force human consciousness out beyond the limits. And by adding irrational numbers to rational numbers, you get real numbers ... It doesn't stop. It never stops. Because now, on the spot, we expand the real numbers with the imaginary square roots of negative numbers. These are numbers we can't picture, numbers that normal human consciousness cannot comprehend. And when we add the imaginary numbers to the real numbers, we have the complex number system. The first number system in which it's possible to explain satisfactorily the crystal formation of ice. It's like a vast, open landscape. The horizons. You head toward them and they keep receding."  [Cited as Peter Høeg's novel "Smilla's Sense of Snow"]

Low on life force, but out of bed.

Low on life force, but out of bed. Small victories.

Now if only I could manage to do my final exam that is due in 4 days...

I had lunch with Shaun, and then...

I had lunch with Shaun, and then I spent the rest of the day with my plants. I needed that.

I put some of my thirstier aloes in water with no dirt. I'll leave them there until they plump back up, but they might stay indefinitely if they do ok. Since things have been so rough for me lately, I've neglected them a bit. I hate that it happened, but they are getting attention now.

I also potted up some baby leaf propagations, so I have trays of babies maturing. AND (I feel super accomplished about this part) I made a tray for my next batch of leaf propagations. I wanted to try water propagation rather than laying them on top of dirt and misting them, so I used seedling trays to make a container. I cut holes in the clear tray that the leaves are on and I'm hoping they'll reach their roots down into the water below. We'll see.

Ok, so I saved the best part for last: Michelle has the best timing. She sent me a beautiful box of succulents that arrived today. I. AM. SMITTEN. 😍😍😍 These are all new to me and she nailed the colors:  I'd mentioned I didn't have any orange / peach babies, but now I have 3!!! Look at these gorgeous plants! And this green broccoli baby is giving me life! I love a little weirdy, always!

Friends, I know I have messages and comments to respond to. If all goes well, I will get to it tonight. I love you and thank you for the outpouring of love. I really needed it. I'm still not 100%, though, so I'm trying to practice some self - care today. Thank you for your understanding and patience with me. ❤️

Water therapy on thirsty aloes.

Make-shift water propagation tray.

Babies from Michelle!

And Shaun's painted toenail (top left), and Faith, of course. 😂

Michelle, this color is so gorgeous. The photo doesn't do it justice.

I'm in love!

This crazy thing is precious. It is making me so happy!

Michelle, look how chubby! 😍😍😍 Thank you for all of these babies. Your timing is impeccable and I appreciate you so much! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Since several people feel that my depression (or not) is up for debate today...

Since several people feel that my depression (or not) is up for debate today I'll just leave it at this:

I feel dead inside.

It's after 3 pm and I still haven't made it out of bed.

I'm feeling "down" and it's not a good time.

I could use some help.

I'm sorry for disappearing.

I'm sorry for disappearing. I received a lot of birthday wishes, which I greatly appreciate and will respond to shortly. I've spent the last few days (birthday included) dealing with another depressive slump, but today feels better.

I spent most of my birthday on the couch being a lump with my dogs. Shaun scraped me up and took me to Olive Garden. We had a big dinner and I got a free piece of Tiramisu, which was delicious. The kids got me a card that they heavily customized and it is perfect. Spending time with my family was the highlight of my day.

I'm not sure why I've felt so down recently. Probably stress. I feel kind of like a failure for doing so poorly in school this semester. I'm just so damn tired. I'll be grateful for the time in my life when I no longer have homework.

Anyway, love to all of my friends. I hope you're all doing well. 🧡

One more day of class next week and that's it before finals.

One more day of class next week and that's it before finals.  I'm 99% sure I'm only going to make it through 2 classes (dropped Abstract Algebra and currently have a 50-something in Networking), but I'm happy about the two classes I'm passing.

Senior Seminar in Mathematics has been fun and interesting, but I will NOT miss writing those 10-page papers, which I'm pretty sure was a large cause of my crippling anxiety this semester.  Disaster Response and Recovery is my online class and it bored me out of my mind.  It is nothing I'm interested in or care about.  So if I don't have to repeat these two classes (and I don't think I will), then I'm happy.

For next semester I've already signed up for Networking again.  I'm also taking Human-Computer Interaction.  Those will be my last two CS classes and I guess I could graduate next semester if I decided to get only one degree.  But I'm also taking Differential Equations next semester and then planning for Abstract Algebra in the summer.  One extra semester for two degrees is ok, but if I can't pass Abstract on the second go around, I'll have to reconsider.

Overall, I'm EXTREMELY ready to put this semester behind me.  I'm looking forward to spring because I don't think it will be bad.  I already know what to expect from Networking and DE so Human-Computer Interaction will be the only new class, but I'm sure it will be fun.

Anyway, I'm off to paint my nails.  I just finished all of the homework I'm doing for the day, so it's time to treat myself.  🙂