We were startled awake...

We were startled awake at 2:30 this morning by this lovely song. The video is uninteresting visually, but the coyotes were singing us the song of their people - loudly, proudly, and off and on throughout the night.

I love it so much! ❤️

Every single night...

Every single night when I'm trying to go to sleep a cat sneezes in my face (either Ember, Adrian, or both). Ember in particular likes to head-bonk so, so hard and sticks her nose in my nose, eyes, or worse - rubs it across my lips.

I just had to sneeze and I *almost* covered it. Then I thought... "Why do that when I can share?" so I let it rip and sneezed right at Ember's face. She ran away. 😂😂😂 Wrong? Probably. Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Oh, definitely. 10/10 - would do it again.

Today was supposed to be Rose's surgery day.

This isn't a public post because it sucks and we don't know how or what to tell the kids. I feel like we're on the brink of making a really hard decision and I'm struggling because Rose is a beautiful girl who I truly believe tries her best. 

Today was supposed to be Rose's surgery day.

I spoke to her vet yesterday about all of the things that have been going on with her... about how she growled at Kira after her exam that day, about she's been more wary of me since it happened (I was the one who took her in to the exam), how Xanax is making her just comfortable enough to chase / attack the cats, and how she's always tense and everything scares her - often to the point of not eating.

He said given all of that information he's no longer comfortable performing surgery on her. He said that normally he does anything he can to get out of euthanasia, but that in her case if it is something we were considering he would support us. Not only does it sound like she could be a danger to others in the right (or wrong) circumstances - she's actually large and muscular enough to do serious damage. That doesn't even touch on how hard life seems to be for her.

The only other thing he could recommend is seeing a behaviorist. I'm open to it, but we're not working right now and Shaun doesn't see how it would benefit her. She stops what she's doing when scolded, but the other concerning behaviors like not eating and being afraid of every little change...I'm not sure if those could be trained away.

Overall, me and Shaun are pretty exhausted by this situation. It feels like a full-time job managing this dog and her fears. She's terrified of most of the cats to the point she won't walk by them... This means if we're chilling on the couch she is left out unless Shaun physically picks her up and carries her past the cats. If she wants off the couch and the cats are near she throws herself over the back to get around them. She won't go outside or come inside if a cat is near the door so we have to move them constantly. The only change medication has made so far is that there are two cats she will chase / try to attack. 

We have to stay so vigilant for everyone's safety and comfort and it is taxing. None of this even takes into account any changes to our home or household that might happen in the future, or other medical issues she may need to be treated for but her mental state won't allow it, nor the fact that she's smashing her cooch and whining as I type this and we now have no way to remedy that for her. 

I feel like I'm failing her, but from her vet and some very trusted and experienced friends it seems like letting her go is going to be the most humane option. I cannot imagine that she would fare well in a shelter environment, nor that she would be adopted given her problems. I feel like all paths lead to the same place eventually and if I have to choose one way to get there I would 100% choose the path that allows us to be with her every time - with whatever little comfort she can take from that.

Thought? Opinions? Hugs? Hate? Have we tried hard enough? I've never been faced with letting such a young soul go. On top of that I really don't think the kids see the extremity of the situation because me and Shaun are the ones who are keeping the peace and things in check.

OMG, y'all. Last night was INSANE.

OMG, y'all. Last night was INSANE and I had a migraine due to stress almost all day.

I'm a light sleeper and I kept hearing the garage door trying to open. The dogs weren't barking because we're the only ones who come and go through that part of the house. I told Shaun, but he was slow to wake up. He's bigger and stronger, but I'm smaller and faster (faster when I want / need to be), so I made it downstairs first.

In my rush to go investigate I forgot my glasses so I really couldn't see shit. I did, however, think to grab my phone in case there was an emergency. So I made it downstairs despite the fact that I couldn't see and I saw someone standing down there. 

As I approached them I repeatedly tried the "chop" motion with my phone which was supposed to turn on the flashlight, but it wasn't working. I quietly asked who was there and no one replied so I kept moving closer. After getting stupid close to this unknown person I see that it's Shadow with a bag of snacks and he's recoiled away from me because I've just run blindly down the stairs looking crazy as hell.

I told him about hearing the garage door open and he said that Kira had found it open and just closed it. So I was like "Wtf, what if we just closed an intruder in the house?!" So I went to check because duh - we don't want that.

As I'm walking, (still blindly in the dark), I'm steadily "chopping" my phone and getting increasingly pissed off that of all times the flashlight chooses NOW not to work. By this time Shaun had made it downstairs and was talking to the kids. Meanwhile, I was mustering up my balls and having a "Say it with your chest" type of moment. So in defense of my house and to find out if someone was there I screamed "HELLO!" at the top of my lungs.

It was at that moment I felt Adrian (cat) leap off the back of my neck and Shaun's hand on my shoulder with him saying "Blu! Blu! Are you ok?"

Apparently... I was having a nightmare and screamed "HELLO!" so loud that I woke not only myself up, but Shaun as well - despite the fact that he sleeps with a Bluetooth headband on. He told me to text the kids and let them know things were ok in case they heard that so I did. I found out this morning that they definitely did hear me - they were looking out the windows to see what was going on before they got my message. 

Y'all. I think the snow might've triggered me. When I lived in Anniston as the only adult with Shadow and the animals I would ALWAYS see footprints in the snow outside of my house. Not just in the yard or near the road, but up close and on the porch. Either I was being pranked or drug addicts aren't smart enough to realize that they left a trail. It always made me feel even more unsafe knowing that someone was prowling around. 

Anyway, Shaun fell back to sleep almost immediately after the screaming hello incident. I, on the other hand, laid there for a while wondering how dogs live like this and getting an increasingly bad headache until I eventually had to take my migraine meds. For the life of me I could not relax and get to sleep. Waking myself up like that was a first for me so I was weirded out completely on top of the stress. I can laugh at it now, but in that dream I was so, so scared.

Kira didn't bake last night...

Kira didn't bake last night, but did fancy up some delicious strawberries. I could have eaten every one of them by myself. 😂

Long Update:

It snowed all day and is still snowing. 😳

Shaun has been super happy every time he looked outside and the snow was still falling. I usually don't care for it, but it's not the wet slushy kind that I'm used to in AL. It actually looks pretty nice because the ground is covered (for now). Maybe it's not the snow I dislike, but the messy way it looks when it's walked upon or is melting. Anyway.

Shaun made a snowball and brought it in and gave it to Cubba. Cubba then took the snowball outside, proceeded to put it down (on the snow-covered ground), and ate it... and the surrounding snow. 😂😂😂 I guess that was a treat that kept on giving. 😜 Thankfully, the dogs don't seem to mind this weather. They've both gone out and played today so I'm grateful it wasn't scary for Rose. 

The electrician came this morning and finished the sunroom. He wired one thing weird (which we would have pointed out before he left had he given us the opportunity, but he didn't) so he's coming back tomorrow - weather permitting, I guess. Shaun could fix it, but this guy has already been paid to do the work so we're going to let him. 

Shaun and I cleaned up the sunroom and moved some stuff in there. My plants are in totes in there. I'll probably have a post sometime in the next few days where I will need help identifying who can be saved and who is definitely dead so plant friends - please look out for that.

We also moved the litter boxes to the sunroom so we're all thrilled with that. The boxes were in the supposed "dining room" area that we weren't using. Now it's just a big open space that we don't know what to do with. 😂 I'll get pics soon. It's got nice windows so maybe it would be a good sitting area. We're definitely not going to put another big table in there. That seems so redundant.

Anyway, I vacuumed and shampooed the carpet so it's nice and clean in the "dining room." I also shampooed part of the couch downstairs before I crapped out. THEN, I did some minor nail art. 😁😁😁 (It's literally been years since I've done more than just paint my nails. I can hardly believe that.) In any case - I earned it today. I'm planning to get photos sometime tomorrow.

That's all I have to talk about for now. Wait - I lied. I got the call today that we'll be getting our solar panels installed next week so we're excited and ready for that. 😁 Now I'm done.

Goodnight, friends! ❤️

View from the front door.

Part of the front yard.

Quickie Update:

I went to bed early and I haven't been awake long, but it's snowing and the electrician is here.

Also, Shaun said he had trouble getting Rose in and out last night and this morning. The big, scary difference in the sunroom? An outlet. 🙄

We have a fun couple of weeks ahead.