So anyway...

So anyway, I took an antihistamine last night to help me sleep/make me stop itching. I slept so hard that I woke up with a headache. But I finally feel rested.

Shaun took NyQuil last night because he hasn't been feeling well. I guess he slept pretty hard, too. Bear whined around 2 in the morning and then pooped in his crate. Nobody heard that he needed out. Poor guy.

By the time I woke up and made it downstairs (which was after 1 pm because antihistamines knock me out), Shaun had woken up (around 9 this morning), cleaned the mess, washed Bear, and fallen back asleep. I feel so bad that he dealt with all of that by himself (especially while he's feeling bad), but we're both struggling right now. I'm just glad he got some rest. I'm glad I did, too. Hopefully, we'll both feel somewhat better soon. Us both feeling so rundown at the same time just isn't cutting it.

I haven't mentioned this...

I haven't mentioned this because not too many people seem interested in my hormonal struggles, and plenty of you seem dismissive and tell me what a doctor will/won't do for me. I don't have time to fight for my needs to be met PLUS also educate those of you who are happy with the status of things and are content to remain ignorant of the changes taking place regarding our healthcare. All I can say is that if you're happy with your treatment/the way you feel while going through peri, then good for you. But I'm NOT satisfied with the bare minimum of "grin and bear it because it's natural (wtf is that? So is cancer.)/find supplements to make life bearable" so I'm pursuing more.

I've spent the last few months itching in a big way. I guess I assumed it would be chocked up by many to my psoriasis or the pool, but it's happening on clear skin and started before I started swimming. Also, I've been using a swimmers lotion before going in the pool to protect my skin.

Hormones can affect every system in our bodies, and I don't know exactly how it works, but I've read that hormone fluctuations can change histamine levels during perimenopause. I believe that is what I'm experiencing. It's not an itch that is satisfied by a scratch. Just a perpetual itch that nothing seems to help.

I also think that is why I'm having a hard time sleeping.

I'm on a waiting list to see a doctor who supposedly supports peri/menopause care with actual treatments like HRT and I can't wait to see them. They supposedly diagnose off symptoms rather than a one-time blood test (which is only a snapshot of a moment because hormone levels fluctuate), or even worse "Well, if your periods are regular, then your hormones are fine." which I have been told at least twice before by 2 different doctors.

Just because my eggs are rotten/almost gone doesn't mean I've outlived my usefulness. I still have a job. I still have a family. I still have wants and desires. I still need to be a functional member of society. It's hard to be functional when you can't sleep and just want to spend your waking hours clawing your skin off.

So, there's that. If you're of a certain age and experiencing symptoms that you can't quite explain, it might be time to do some research. I cannot recommend r/menopause enough. It's how I found the doctor I want to see and also where I discovered that peri/menopause is more than just hot flashes and rage. This is a subject not talked about/studied enough and I'm 100% sure it's because it doesn't affect men.

Don't take this shit laying down. Don't let your quality of life suffer. Be your own advocate and continue to thrive despite your lack of eggs. I don't know about y'all, but I plan to be a problem for many years to come.

It's been a rough week.

It's been a rough week. Shaun isn't feeling well and we've had so many appointments. There's work being done outside of our house by the city and they cut our internet while I was at work yesterday. I logged in via HotSpot on my phone so I could get my work done, but we got a call about house stuff while I was in a meeting, so I handed Shaun my phone to answer since I couldn't. He walked away and kicked me from my meeting and entire virtual desktop. Speaking of, I've had to call the help desk twice every day to get my work Virtual Desktop to even log on. This whole week has been an avalanche of such similar bullshit. And today I'm out of milk and sad about it, and my work computer is acting funky.

We got home from Ash's appointment a little bit ago, and y'all - she was SO DRAMATIC. She screamed the whole 7-minute trip to the vet. She was pretty good for the doctor. But she fought Shaun tooth and nail about going back into the carrier when it was time to leave.

I legit belly-laughed because I've never seen Shaun so thwarted by a cat. Of course, he's not feeling 100%, but damn. She fought like she was feral. She beat his ass. She drew blood from us both and I was literally just holding the carrier. She was throwing paws with not a single fuck given. 😂  Neither one of us expected that from her. But to be fair, she's been the healthiest of our cats and we can hardly recall a time she's needed to see the doctor. She is definitely not used to this.

So anyway, we'll have the results of her bloodwork on Monday.

Bear is being extra and we're both so tired. Shaun needs more rest and I need to contact someone to get my computer straightened out.

Fun day. At least it's Friday.

He came in with the zoomies...

He came in with the zoomies because he went out and it was raining. He came in and made some laps, even jumping up on the couch and almost jumping over the back. Thank goodness he didn't do that. 😂

After he calmed down a bit, he got up on the couch and laid like this. I guess it wasn't his thing because he got in the floor about 30 seconds later. Just trying it out, I guess. 😂😂😂

Look at those eyebrows. "Wet dog on the couch. That's ok, Papa?" 😂❤️

Tobi's bloodwork looks good.

Tobi's bloodwork looks good. The vet is getting us an estimate to remove his bladder stone.

Ash is going in Friday. It's time for her old lady checkup and to see what is causing her to once in a while have diarrhea outside of the box.

We had a celebratory Zoom meeting yesterday for our work achievements. It was the Skyline Soldiers GCU cohort and some of the higher-ups. Someone showed their cat, so I was like "Look at this dog" and Bear, as if on cue, started coughing and shaking and pawing his mouth. I thought it might have been another seizure, but after about the 4th bout he coughed up something and then swallowed it before we could get to it. I was so scared that I was about to have Shaun rush him to the vet.

So anyway. Look at these good boys. Bear likes Tobi because he doesn't run from him and also doesn't slap him with claws. Tobi WILL pat him and sometimes push him with a paw, but he's very gentle about it, even when Bear is in Beast mode. I've caught them laying like this a few times lately. It's so sweet. ❤️

FYI: This is just a ramble.

FYI:  This is just a ramble.

I'm out here having feelings. Mainly anxiety, I think.

I slept like crap last night. I ended up napping today. I didn't shampoo the carpet OR do nails (not for myself or Shaun). Shaun and Cub ended up spilling milk on the carpet, so I guess it's better that I hadn't shampooed it.

All I really managed to do was repot a few plants. I have 2 prickly pear and 1 echeveria with rotten spots. I have cut away the rot and I'm gonna see if I can salvage them. They're dry. They've been dry. But I'm gonna let them callous over super well before I pot them again.

I'm down to adding my last drawer of nail polish to my database. That's giving me feelings. Well, first of all my "database" is a spreadsheet at this point. I will have to start actually building the tables and relationships as a next step. And I know how to do that. But it's been such a large project for me for so long that it's kind of scary moving to the next step.

I've been thinking about just uploading it all to the same app that I use to keep track of my stamping plates. That would make sense. I just have a hang up because in the app you can't have a hierarchy of folders. But it might make more sense to use tags to see things that came together in a collection, anyway, because sometimes stamping plates come with polishes or whatever. That would actually tie it all together in a nice way.

I don't know. It's a lot to think about. And I've come to the point where it's like, either build it myself or use the app. And I kind of wanted to build it myself, but also I would adore having more free time to do nail art rather than spend so much time on managing my collection. I mean, I enjoy managing my collection, too, but it's been all-consuming since I got serious about making progress last year. I guess that's the down-side to having a large collection of anything.

Toebean finished his anti-inflammatory meds this morning. He has a check-up on Tuesday. We need to see if he can have that bladder stone removed.

Bear got another Adequan injection. He again did not seem to care at all.

I cleaned my bedroom and bathroom last night. And the cat fountain up there. I hate cleaning cat fountains, but the cats really seem to love them, so we do what we must, I suppose.

After Harley gets his teeth cleaned and a bad one pulled (next Friday, I think) we're considering moving him to my bedroom. He's been picking fights with Toebean, and Toebean doesn't need that. We could also move Adrian downstairs. We'd have to. Harley used to pick on her. I guess it would be ok as long as Harley and Scar could get along (Scar is in my room because he's on a special diet). I don't remember them having issues before, but Harley might just be a butthole that picks on anyone. I guess there is one way to find out.

I don't know why I'm stalling going to bed. I love to go to bed. I love sleep. Maybe I should just take some Melatonin to make sure I sleep tonight and head up. I have an early morning tomorrow. I'm probably not doing myself any good by not trying to sleep. I just feel like there's more on my mind, but I don't exactly know what it is. I'm sure it will reveal itself in time.

Goodnight, I guess. 😂

Some teensy flowers from today.

Some teensy flowers from today.

My plants could use some water, but it's supposed to rain this week, so I'll let nature take care of that.