I'm on the struggle bus today.
I went to bed early last night and had planned to wake up early today but I had nightmares and ended up sleeping until LATE this afternoon. Despite being up and doing things I still feel really tired and drowsy. It's probably a little breakthrough depression. It's not like I've been doing a lot of self-care lately.
So this past week I've focused more on my to-do list than anything else. We really got a lot done and that's been great. However, I didn't skate for a whole week so I basically didn't get any exercise other than doing housework. I didn't get any sunshine because I was working indoors. I didn't actually have fun because chores aren't fun outside of the satisfaction of them being done. I guess the way I'm feeling today actually makes sense and I have only myself to blame. Noted.
Yesterday was sunny and cool and we all decided to go to the park. Shaun and the kids walked and I skated. I was SO STUPIDLY HAPPY to have my wheels back on that I honestly could have cried. We ended up not staying long because the weather (despite being a good temperature with plenty of sun) was SO WINDY. The gusts were cold and strong enough to literally push me when I was on flat ground. I did get a workout, though, because skating even slightly uphill can be tough. Doing it against wind resistance on top of that is next-level. I'm feeling that in my thighs today.
Other stuff on my mind: It's almost 2022. I keep thinking it's 2020 so it's messing with my brain a lot. This year (2021) has been the most unsettled and weird year of my life. So much happened that was out of the norm and just... what the hell? You know? I think a lot of people are feeling that (or that's what the internet says, anyway). I'm hoping that 2022 will bring me a job and some much-welcome stability.
Another thing that is on my mind is that like... y'all know we're still in a pandemic, right? I try not to put my judgy-pants on but my goodness the holiday photos and lack of masks and distancing really got my anxiety up, especially for a bunch of my Alabama friends and family because I know a bunch of y'all (loudly and proudly) aren't vaccinated. I don't really know what to say except that I hope everyone will be ok. I know a lot of reports say that Omicron is milder than Delta, but I've read that it's still very dangerous for unvaccinated people (as would also be the very real possibility of the hospitals filling up and being unable to care for everyone).
I don't know. The pandemic in general is weighing heavily on me at the moment - probably because there is another surge in progress. To my knowledge I have only lost one person that I actually know to COVID (a distant friend). Anxiety keeps telling me that my luck with that will run out eventually and that the next surge will take out people closer to me. It is, uh, very taxing (to say the least) trying to live like this. But we're all in this together so I am definitely not alone or special in my struggle.
Anyway. I guess I've put my thoughts out there and now I'm off to do something else. I don't know what with my low-energy ass, but something. Love to you all. ❤
