(Around) this time last year I was freaking ECSTATIC. Know why?? Because I'd just bought our house. That's why. At 23 years old I'd officially done the best thing I could imagine ever doing for myself and my kiddo.
After I had my son at 17 years old my life was pretty much a struggle for independence. I didn't want to live with my parents or grandparents forever just because I'd had a child at a young age. I didn't want to wait around for some knight in shining armor to save me from the life I'd created. So I finished high school, went to college, got a job, and we moved out on our own (just me and my Shadow). (FYI: We didn't move directly into a house, it went like this: crappy trailer, nice apartment, our house). Anyway, last year (and pretty much all of the years before that) I'd accomplished something positive - something that got me a little farther in life. I always had something to strive for. This past year, though, I've been sort of stagnate.
I mean, ok. I've had two articles published online. That was cool, but not nearly as satisfying after reading some of the other stuff that was also published on that site. But they did pay me and not all submissions are paid for (so I just tell myself that the crappier stuff was given to them for free). Beginning to help with the shelter has been awesome and a big source of personal fulfillment. Also, I've sort of thought of a business venture and stuff and that's neat. (It's pretty recent so I'm not disappointed with how it's turning out - though I do need to put a bit more effort into it if I expect it to go anywhere).
Anyway, I don't know. I just don't feel that I've accomplished much in the last year unless you count racking up a shitload of debt. But the problem is that the next step is so unclear to me (not about my debt - I know - pay that shit off... MUCH easier said that done, though). When I was in high school the obvious goal was to graduate. Next obvious goal: Go to college so that I don't work a dead-end job forever. Then, durr, get a job. Get a place. Get a better place. Done. Now what?? I'm stumped.
Part of the problem or maybe the whole problem (I don't know) is that I'm completely unsure about what to do with myself. I want (for anyone who really knows me, it's obvious) to save the world, but there's no superhero school around here. I'd love to work with animals, but I can't think of doing what. Vet and even vet tech work may not be what I need to do because I honestly think I'd never stop crying. I love helping with the shelter, but I couldn't do that full-time. They pay about half of what I make now and I really don't know if I could handle that emotionally, either. Pet stores and animal breeding are also out of the question for me because the more I help with the shelter the more I think selling animals is not a great idea. At least not on the massive scale in which society does it now.
The business venture I was thinking of is in-home pet sitting which I think I'd enjoy. (I made a page for it). But I'm also scared as hell to keep trying to get it going. I don't know why - maybe I'm afraid I'll get it right. Maybe I'm scared to turn into a business owner. Maybe I think it's a huge towering responsibility and one I'm not sure I can handle. Look at me, doubting myself. Goodness. But what if I don't have all my bases covered? What if there's really NOT a market for that thing in this area? How much do you charge and for what service? (Take into consideration gas prices... damn). It's a lot to think about and I'm not sure if this should be my next goal. I'd sure love the freedom, though. Or should I just find a way back into school?? The thought of animal psychology / behavioral studies really intrigues me (though I doubt there's a school anywhere near me that would offer that). I just don't know what to do.
So what do you think?? I know, I know - do whatever makes me happy. Aside from that give me a straight answer. Give some advice to Blu. I think I'm ready for a new challenge.
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