Rest In Peace, Toad

Sweet little Toad - you were Shadow's baby. I think the only reason he's not completely freaking out right now is because he's known for a while that you were sick. He's been preparing for this for a while because you are a fighter. You held on longer than any of us thought you would and it was pretty amazing.

The look on his face was so sad when I broke the news. He had to pet your little head one last time. I wish you hadn't had to leave us, but I'm sure your little tumor made you very uncomfortable. If you had been younger and in better shape I would have totally found a way to have that removed, I swear. Thank you for being so sweet to him. He really loved you. We all did.

Blu angry!

Last night we let our dogs out to play in our FENCED IN YARD that me and 3 GREAT friends busted our arses putting up about two weeks ago. It's been AWESOME. It's been so awesome that I haven't even wanted to come inside to blog about how awesome it is. I'd just rather hang out all day in my yard WITH MY DOGS.

So anyway - yesterday evening. Nick found a hole in the fence and the neighbors dog in our yard. He shooed him out, but when he came back he was chewing on the hole. So yeah. The neighbors weenie dog has chewed a Scruffy-sized hole in the fence. Imagine how angry I am! That is all I've wanted for like, the entire two fucking years I've lived here! And now it's fucked up in just two weeks!

I went over and talked to the neighbor. She said that she would keep her dog on a leash if he's outside. Later that night I'm on my porch talking to a friend and the dog barks at me. Of course. Then she comes out calling him to come in. This happened several times throughout the course of the night. Yeah, he was so on a leash all that time, right? Well guess what. There's ANOTHER fucking hole in my fence!

I'm so angry. One hole - oh well - I'll patch it up somehow and life will go on. Two holes after you say you're going to do something and don't... well, that's pushing me a little farther than I'm prepared to be nice about at the moment. I will be going back over there when I get home this afternoon and I will be nice. But if something doesn't change I will calling the authorities to find out if there are any leash laws, which they are clearly breaking. And I will look into taking this to small claims. I'm not about to have my happy place destroyed by someone else's irresponsibility.

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that I am still a mom.  Not like I forget that I have a son, but you know... the newness of him has rubbed off after 8 years.  It's not like he's a baby who needs every little thing done for him anymore.  He's just one of us now.  Thinking to myself earlier, "I am a mother" seemed so odd.  I know that it's true, but I became a mother so long ago it feels like.

I don't mean any of this in a negative way... and I can promise you it's not that I'm losing my "mother's instinct" or whatever.  Believe me - I'd rip your fucking face off for messing with my kid.  It's just weird after all of this time... and different.  We're just growing up.  Shadow's growing up.  We're growing...

When you're pregnant - everything's changing.  Everything about you.  Your body, your mind.  You can feel it happening and it's neat.  You know that something big is about to happen and you try to prepare for it, but you never can.  I don't care how much your try - you learn more as you go.  And that's ok.  Experience is a great teacher.  I knew nothing about kids when I had Shadow and he's awesome, so...

I remember when Shadow was in my belly... he was fucking ALIVE in there.  I don't think that people realize how INCREDIBLY AWESOME AND AMAZING that really is anymore.  People are just fucking baby factories... I doubt that anyone cherishes the experience of being pregnant.  Hell, I can't even really put it into words (the way I feel about it).  The absolute best part was feeling him move and later seeing it.  It was crazy.  He'd respond to sounds - particularly, he'd jump at sharp noises.  IN MY BELLY.  I still feel like "Whoa" just thinking about it.  😲

Anyway, I don't know.  Pregnancy was a nice experience for me.  I have absolutely no plans to do it again, but I look back at it fondly.  Even the barfing.  I HATE barfing, but I knew it was for a good cause.  They say that if you're nauseated you've got high levels of some hormone that means your baby is developing normally... so you know, bring it on.  I'll barf day and night for 6 months straight for the well-being of my kid.  I totally did that.

Yeah, this seems pretty random.  You know what brought it to my mind?  This morning when I ate the last of the cereal I offered Shadow a glass of Vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast.  He LOVED it.  I'll have to admit that that stuff is pretty yummy.  Know how I know?  Because when I was pregnant with him my nutritionist told me to drink at least a glass of that every day for the calories.  I was pretty tiny for a pregnant chick - due to barfing non-stop I was having a hard time keeping my weight up.

So... how's that for a rambly post?  😂  Those were just the thoughts kicking around in my head...

I like these photos...

I like this photo even though it's a failed attempt at capturing my swolled-up lip.

BEST SWOLLED-UP LIP EVER. ❤ 2008

Summer 2008