Rambling. You were warned.

Rambling.  You were warned.

I did Shaun's nails last night. I told him some days ago I might want to try some things on him and he didn't let me forget.  LOL  None of them are the same - I just mostly practiced doing a gradient with a sponge.  They are all in black, red, and silver.  Some of them look great; others are just "Meh."  I'm still wearing my sexy nails, but I might change them later today.  I guess we'll see.  I have another Calculus test tomorrow (yes, already!), so there is that.

Mid-terms are coming up in about a week.  😳  Even though it's my last semester at GSCC I'm glad it's flying by.  I'm tired.  I feel so spoiled that I'm even trying to think this way, but I think me and Shaun need a few days away before I start JSU.  I've been all work, too (pick one: [exhausted / overwhelmed / grumpy / sickly / stressed / depressed]) to play - for like, two years.  🙁  I am not good at moderation, so when I go - I go HARD.  School has been the focus, so everyone / everything else has not.  😞

It sucks when you can see someone every day and still miss them.  This is no way to live, but if changing your life was easy, everyone would do it.  I'm just grateful for Shaun's support and patience; I could not do this without him.  Shadow has been great, too.  He never asks for anything, he stays out of trouble, and he helps around the house and yard, as well as with the animals.  Since he lives here it is easier to find moments to connect with him, but he's a teenager now with his own life coming into focus, so it's not like he's bothered by me being busy.

I don't know.  I think I am just feeling reflective today.  I wish I could explain to you all how much going to school has changed my life.  I know - I'm not done and I don't have that money job yet, but it has changed my mentality A LOT, which is no little deal.  For the first time ever I feel like I have some say (or at least more choices) in how my life will go.  I have a vision of how I'd like things to be.  I have something to work towards and the means to get there.  My mind is pretty constantly blown by this.

Before I was just doing the best I could with the hand I was dealt, (which is a valuable skill to have), but to suddenly begin having opportunities appear?!  It feels weird, and amazing, and I kind of don't know what to do with myself at times.  I don't know.  Maybe I keep my head down because I'm working so hard, but when I do finally look up at the horizon and see what's waiting I get excited.  Sometimes I am bummed because of how far I have left to go, but I'm always closer than the last time I looked, so that is something.  LOL

I'm having the feels today.  The last two years have been emotional and trying for many reasons - some good things, some really bad, but the important part is the steady progress towards a brighter future.  I am tired from this journey, but hopefully a change of scenery (JSU) will refresh me.  Hopefully, being able to work if and when I can / want to over the next couple of years will allow me to rest and and replenish myself.  I feel like I've given too much of myself to those who don't properly value me over the last few years, but it was out of necessity.  I am thankful that those days are coming to a close.

Anyway.  This is too much.  This is me attempting to process and it has worn me out.  I think I need a Sunday afternoon nap.