Pardon me, but what the fuck?

Pardon me, but what the fuck? She didn't make it.

I feel like I didn't think she would die without me or I wouldn't have left her. We are devastated that she died alone.

Deep down I thought she'd be ok with some fluids after getting the anaphylaxis under control. Worst case in my head was that we had to make the tough choice to let her go and we'd be there for her. I honestly didn't think it could be worse... and then suddenly it was.

Life just suckerpunched me.

I... I'm angry. I have so many feelings right now. I don't even know how to process this.