I didn't go to bed...

I didn't go to bed until around 4 this morning.  I intentionally stayed up until I just couldn't because I didn't want to go to "our" room alone.  (I sleep in a loft with a trundle that rolls out on the floor - that was my doggie bed.)  I didn't want to sleep in a quiet room without my little buddy snoring.  I didn't want to lie there and not hear him rolling in his blankets, "making his bed."  So I stayed up until I was exhausted, took some Melatonin, and crashed hard and fast.

I didn't get out of bed until 3 pm.  Shaun came to check on me and said he'd like to see me.  I told him I would get up, but laid there for a bit.  I guess I took too long because Scar came meowing for me.  I finally got up.  I had no one to wake up.  No to ask if they wanted to go outside.  No one in "our" room.

Scar was underfoot.  That's his thing lately.  I picked him up and he purred and dug his claws into my shoulder.  I hugged him and petted him.  I sat awkwardly on the couch, knowing damn well this is not what my mornings are supposed to feel like.  I went outside.  Stood on the porch awkwardly.  I knew I was supposed to be out there, but now I have no reason to be.  I checked the mail and came back inside.  I cleaned a little bit, read your sweet comments to me, and cried.

Here is a video of my boy getting ready for bed a few nights ago.  He did this every night and it was honestly one of my favorite things ever.

https://www.facebook.com/100001265763733/videos/3181705128548315/