I know y'all are sick to death...

Yesterday...

Yesterday me and Shaun watched Hamilton for the first time. I know, I know - we're late to the party. But it was pretty great.

Also yesterday, we went by Sonic and got Cub a wag cup. It was HUGE! He loved it. 😂

Scar is back to pooping a "melted ice cream" consistency...

Scar is back to pooping a "melted ice cream" consistency rather than the watery mess from this past week. This last poop looked like it had some parts that were even thicker! I'm stupid excited.

He also went in the litter box again with just me accompanying him, not physically putting him in there.

He's still eating tons of small meals instead of his regular can of food, but it's ok. I'm just glad he seems to be on the mend. ❤️

My cactus bloomed the other day.

My cactus bloomed the other day. It was beautiful, but didn't last long.

Sindar and Adrian live in our bedroom...

Sindar and Adrian live in our bedroom because Sindar isn't a huge fan of other cats, and now with her being blind it would be awful to move her. Adrian is the smallest in the house and some of the other cats pick on her, so that's why she's upstairs. Generally, Sindar and Adrian avoid each other and coexist peacefully, but since Sindar has lost her vision there are times that she walks right up on Adrian... and that goes about as well as can be expected.

Last night Adrian was sleeping between our pillows and Sindar got on the bed trying to find where she wanted to sleep. Sindar walked right up on Adrian, startling her awake. Adrian growled. Mostly asleep, Shaun put his hand between the cats to try to redirect Sindar. He touched her right as Adrian growled, and Sindar CHOMPED into his hand. He has a gash on his palm and two punctures on the back of his hand. Sindar WAS NOT messing around.

Shaun cleaned it well. Hopefully it doesn't get infected. But yeah, apparently having a blind cat can be hazardous. 😬

Current Status:

Current Status:

Sitting in the bathroom with Scar so he can eat his special food in peace. 😂

He's a really great communicator. Or I'm a good listener. I don't know. But I have been escorting him around all day. We cuddle on the couch until he needs food or the litter box. When he gets up he sits in my face as if to let me know he needs something for a minute, like he's transmitting his kitty thoughts telepathically. 😂 Then he heads off to do what he needs to and I follow.

He's been eating a lot of small meals today, which means that I've been having to let him in and out of the bathroom all day. He's still having diarrhea, but this last time he sat looking towards the sunroom (where the litter boxes are) and I offered to go out there with him. I opened the door and we went out, I sat in a chair, and he pooped in the box. We usually have to catch him scratching on the linoleum we put down to protect the carpet and put him in the box to get him to use it, but this time it felt like he told me he'd go in it if I came with him, and he did.

We've also been wiping his butt (gently!) and he doesn't seem to like that, but it's necessary. Hopefully not forever, but I would do it, for real.

So that's how our day is going. Not too bad. I'm glad he's eating and holding his food down, even if it does shoot out of the other end at lightning speed.

I slept in my own bed last night for the first time in 3 or 4 nights...

I slept in my own bed last night for the first time in 3 or 4 nights and I needed that.  I have been exhausted all week because it wasn't restful sleep cuddling my cat each night while wondering if he was comfortable or ok or if this was our last night together, or sleeping so light that I woke up every time he moved.  My body also hurt because I didn't move to get comfortable if he seemed to be comfortable.  But after the optimistic report from the vet yesterday I finally felt ok to sleep in my own bed and rest.

When I woke up today Shaun had already fed and medicated him.  He started his new meds this morning - a short course of antibiotics and an appetite stimulant.  Scar had been making small improvements before this new medication and I don't think it has had any time to work yet, but when I came downstairs Shaun showed me Scar's plate - he used it lick it clean, but lately has only picked at his food.  Today he did better, though - he ate most of it, thank goodness.  He's already had a bunch of diarrhea, but the last one I cleaned up was thicker.  Not quite back to soft-serve, but hopefully we'll get there soon.  He also has some FortiFlora being delivered today, so I'll be giving that to him, as well.  I will keep everyone posted.

I want to address the situation of the vet that wouldn't help him the other day.  Please don't misunderstand - I get why she didn't want to help him or euthanize him without seeing his previous records.  I probably would have felt the same way were I in her shoes.  While I am grateful to still have my cat with me I am still not 100% appreciative of her decision.  Me and Shaun have made many end-of-life decisions and it's never easy.  We've learned that there is almost always a point where you feel hopeful and want to hang on, but it rarely turns out to have been a good thing for the animal.  Looking back there are several of my pets that I wish I'd let go sooner to spare them the suffering.  Just because Scar seems to be on the mend does not mean that it definitely would have gone this way or that he doesn't have a painful crash about to happen soon.  This just as easily could be going worse for him and for us, and it still could.  So I guess "mixed feelings" is where I am in regards to that.  I definitely want to feel hopeful that he'll make a full recovery and possibly not have some form of diarrhea outside of the box for the rest of his life, but we've been battling this for so long already that I don't know if I can let myself believe it's possible without seeing it happen.  Then again, he did shit a turd the other day.

Anyway, it's been a hard week and I needed to process some emotions.  Last night was the first night in days that I didn't cry myself to sleep.  It's been such a roller-coaster.  It is really hard having so many elderly pets at one time.

Speaking of, Sindar is doing ok.  She's had one arthritis shot and another due the first week of August.  She's on gabapentin until the 2nd shot kicks in, if it will work for her and actually does kick in.  She's still blind or mostly blind, but we've managed to get her gabapentin to a dose where she's not drunk and energetically walking / staggering into everything.  One thing that has been happening for the last few weeks, though, is that she does her yodel-cry frequently.  I can talk to her, pet her, feed her, give her treats - and it only stops her for a few minutes.  The only thing that quiets her for an extended period is Shaun's presence.  She just wants him near her.  She will cry until I ask him to come upstairs to be with her.  He hugs her and pets her and talks to her, then she's done with attention.  She might walk around for a few minutes after that, but it never fails that EVERY TIME he comes up she goes to the space near our pillows where she likes to sleep and takes a nap.  He has to sneak out of the room as though he just put an infant down to nap.  It's pretty cute, but dang.  But we'll do our best to keep her happy and comfortable while she's with us.

My cat lives to see another day.

My cat lives to see another day. The vet thinks it's IBD. He's got some new meds and an appetite stimulant. She said his quality of life seemed fine currently. She wasn't upset that we were giving him gabapentin, but he shouldn't need it with his new meds.

Balthazar got an injection for his respiratory gunk and is to finish his antibiotics that he's currently on. He also had a bad tooth that was loose that we didn't know about and the vet just popped it out right on the spot.

Overall, I am really happy with how this visit went. I hope our sweet boys will finally be on the mend.

Two Good Newses:

Two Good Newses:

Boyfriend was hungry this morning! He not only meowed for food, but did his goofy little run-trill "mrr-rrr-rrr" with his little primordial pouch a' swangin' as he jogged to the bathroom. He hasn't done either of those things in DAYS!

The vet called and had some cancelations. They want to see both Scar and Balthazar at 9:30!

I am so, so happy!

Boyfriend is soaking up some sunbeams and napping in my lap.

Boyfriend is soaking up some sunbeams and napping in my lap.

He's going to his regular vet tomorrow at 11. Well, regular vet office where all of his records are. The two doctors who saw him are still not back from leave, but I don't mind getting another opinion.

I'm glad he's being seen, but that was originally Balthazar's appointment. Balthazar has had some upper respiratory crud for months. Every time he finishes an antibiotic it comes right back. It's exhausting for all of us.

On the bright side, they said that they would have the doctor look at Balthie's records tomorrow and see if he needed to be seen or if maybe switching up his antibiotics would help. He's doing ok at the moment; he's at the end of a round of antibiotics, so he can probably wait until next week to be seen.

As for now, Scar is being drugged with Sindar's gabapentin. That is a choice we made. It seems to be making him feel a little better and also he's finally nibbling at food when he's on it.

I don't know what tomorrow holds for us and for him, but I feel hopeful that he'll be ok. It was NOT looking that way a few days ago. I'll keep y'all posted. ❤️

Today was a bust.

Today has sucked complete ass.

We've been battling diarrhea with Scar since at least April.  He'd been going to one veterinary office this whole time that had two doctors practicing there.  One doctor has been out of state with a family emergency for almost two months and the other is on paternity leave as of a couple of weeks ago.

Since April we've done fecal exams, physical exams, bloodwork, tried steroids and antibiotics as well as the combination of them, special food, and we've done a scan of his intestines.  He has thickening of his small intestine is all we know.  We hadn't figured out a cause before the doctors went on leave, but we were told that cancer had not been ruled out.

We've been rocking along with him having diarrhea and otherwise seeming to feel fine, hoping it was just IBS or something and that we would eventually figure it out.  Let me be clear about one thing - this was diarrhea in the carpet, not the litter box.  It got so bad that even though we have a carpet shampooer, Shaun bought a handheld one because he was cleaning the carpet with the handheld attachment several times a day.  The house has smelled awful despite any attempt at a speedy cleanup.  

Finally, a couple of weeks ago Shaun got some spare linoleum out of the garage and put it down where Scar was going so that we could at least wipe it up with paper towels.  The house smells better, and we can at least hear him scratching when he needs to go, which has allowed us to take him to the litter box (which he will use if we do that).  I would almost rather him shit on the linoleum, though, because at least he doesn't get it all over his feet.  There has been no winning for any of us for months - but you know what?  I fucking love this cat and Shaun has been wonderfully supportive despite doing a ton of dirty work just to keep him around.

So Scar shit a turd the other day and I got super excited.  But he didn't have his special food on Monday night because he ran out and his delivery hadn't arrived yet.  He missed one meal of special food and I don't know if that triggered something bad or if he was going to eventually decline anyway, but he threw up everything he ate on Monday night.  His special food arrived the next morning and he tried it, but couldn't keep it down.  He hasn't eaten since then.

He's breathing like he doesn't feel well.  His eyes look sad to me.  He's obviously lethargic, but not yet dehydrated.  So I've spent the last two nights with him because he's my little boyfriend and I want to comfort him as much as I can.

On to the appointment today:

The doctor at the urgent care claims that they did not receive his records from his regular doctor (who was closed today).  Therefore, she wanted to do $1000 worth of diagnostics that had already been done recently.  We told her that we thought he felt bad enough to end his suffering, but to her he didn't "look critical enough" for her to "be comfortable" with euthanasia.

Like, I 100% understand where she was coming from, but I fucking hate it.  He was up rubbing on things, walking around, eyes looked bright.  But most animal people know that the adrenaline from going a new place can make them "perk up" temporarily.  I guess me and Shaun telling her that he isn't eating or able to hold anything down or that he literally shit bloody diarrhea with undigested food in it right before the visit counted for nothing.  Not the fact that I have obviously been crying for 2 days.  Not the fact that we didn't want him to reach the "critical" stage and suffer through that.

So, nothing happened.  He got no help and he's also still with us which would usually be a good thing, but I am against suffering.  I've been down this road more than a few times and I would rather send him off a little too early than one minute too late.  I am so sad.  I am frustrated.  I don't really know what to do.  I'm going to call his vet tomorrow and push for them to see him one final time.  If they refuse I guess I'll make more calls.  For now he's doped up on Sindar's gabapentin because at least he gets some rest that way.

It's been a pretty terrible day.  I don't wish this anyone.

The first non-emergency vet appointment we could get is tomorrow.

The first non-emergency vet appointment we could get is tomorrow.

Scar hasn't eaten since he threw up last night. His breathing and his eyes look like he doesn't feel well to me.

He's had diarrhea for literal months. No antibiotic or steroid has made a difference. His bloodwork hasn't turned up anything suspicious. His fecal came back negative. His abdominal scan showed a bit of thickening in his small intestine. We haven't been able to pinpoint a cause or any treatment that helps. He was doing ok-ish on a sensitive stomach diet, but he skipped one meal of it due to it not being delivered yet and now he's vomiting, shitting brown water with chewed food in it, and not wanting to eat anymore.

He's seeing a different vet tomorrow and if they can't turn him around, then we're probably going to have to say goodbye to my little boyfriend. I don't want that. I'm not ready. He's not even old! But I can't put him through pain and suffering only to have him pass away anyway.

I took tomorrow off work and I'm sleeping with him on the couch again tonight. I hope that if nothing else, my presence brings him some comfort while he's still here.

My cat doesn't feel good.

I love my cacti.

I love my cacti. That tiny pink flower is giving me life. The one with antennae looks like a little alien. I'm in love. ❤️

My cat just shit a turd...

This one isn't going on social media, either...

This one isn't going on social media, either, because I don't want anyone to feel called out.  Nobody needs that shit, especially the two people in the position I'm going to discuss.  They are both dying of liver failure due to alcoholism.

These two women, both early to mid 40s, have been told that they don't have long to live.  One of them chose to quit drinking and live what's left of her life to the fullest extent.  The other chose to keep drinking and live what's left of her life on her own terms, as well.

The one who stopped drinking has kids and grandkids and according to her social media, spends time with her family and going on trips and outings.  The one who continued to drink is pretty isolated.  She has no family left that will speak to her, just friends that have become like family - though they are few and far between.

Though these two women with the same disease have approached life in a completely opposite manner another thing that they both have in common is that they are both openly proud of their material possessions.  One boasted about having a house and two cars, while the other boasted about having a house with a pool.  Like, they both felt it was important for people to know that they feel like they had materially "made it" somehow.

It struck me as odd.

While I don't know the financial details of the lady who stopped drinking I really can't imagine that the job she holds has allowed her to purchase all of that on her own.  I know for a fact that the person who chose to keep drinking has a roommate who pays most of the bills of the place they rent.  But they are both proud of "their" achievements.

My husbang and I sacrificed a lot to claw our way up out of poverty to lower middle class; HOWEVER, his father passed away and left us the family home.  Since we wanted out of Alabama we sold both my husbang's home as well as his family home and left.  We took that money and bought our house.  And while I am very comfortable here and I love our home I feel that I can't even take credit for all of it because without his father's home to sell we would not be here.  Not yet, at least.  So someone else paying my way doesn't feel like my own success or anything that I should be proud of.

Another thing that struck me is that when faced with the upcoming end of their lives that material possessions are even on their radar.  Yes - you need to make sure things are in order, but my gosh I'd be more concerned with the time spent with loved ones or repairing relationships and saying the things I need to say or checking things off of my bucket list.  Maybe when my time comes I'll feel differently, but I just can't see myself going on social media like "I have this and this and this material thing."

It comes off strange to me.  I know that America is super materialistic and even though I've lived here my whole life it's still a bit gross to me how much we compete with one another.  In my brain when I think of being faced with my own mortality I think of righting wrongs and making sure that my survivors will be ok.  Those are my priorities.  I can't really fathom wanting people to know about my possessions as something being worthy of sharing at that stage in my life.  It's like "I want to be remembered for having a house with a pool."  Makes no sense to me.

Anyway.  This was just something that was kicking around in my head.  It may or may not make sense to anyone else, but there it is.  Something to think about.

Interesting to no one but myself, but I'm sharing anyway:

Interesting to no one but myself, but I'm sharing anyway:

I have completed the data-gathering phase of building my nail polish database.  I have swatches, color descriptions, collection names, release dates, etc., for the 4000+ nail polishes I have.  Any information I'm missing at this point is because it's not easily or readily found on the internet.  Next comes deciding how I'm going to configure all of this into my database.  I already have several test tables made and I like how that is going, so that's a good start.  But I've put that on hold for the moment because...

I've been focusing my efforts on gathering the data for my website.  It's basically going to be a blog-style site that hosts my photos and posts dating back to 2005.  Much of it will be familiar content because I'm pulling posts from Facebook to fill it in, but after it's up and running it will also contain exclusive content.  I have probably another solid month of work to get that to a maintenance phase, which I am very excited about.  After MySpace dumped so much of my content without warning back in the day I trust no social media to last.  I want ownership of my photos and stories and to know that they are safe.

My website will probably be of interest to no one but me, but I write primarily because it makes me happy.  If anyone is inspired to help animals or feels less alone in their struggles with depression or whatever, then that is a side effect I am happy to have.  Also, to be completely honest I fear the possibility of getting Alzheimer's and don't want to forget my life.  I find it very comforting to have a chronicle of the things I've done and the way I felt at the time.

Anyway, both of these projects are things that I have either been working at slowly but surely over the years or have wanted to do.  I feel like I'm finally at a place in life where I can put energy and focus into my personal projects and I am grateful for that.  It is such a relief to not have it hanging over my head, neglected and begging for attention.

The only major downside at this moment is that I spend so much time sitting in front of a computer.  I work on a computer and then get off work and get back on one.  Hyperfocus can be super productive, but it's not the best for my physical health.  But I feel like once I'm to a maintenance phase on both projects I will be able to shift more focus onto myself.  I've been eating healthy for the most part, but not exercising or moving around like I should.  I'm definitely going to work on that.  Not only do I miss skating, but I feel that I am decently healthy and want to hang onto that for as long as I can.  So, as they say:  Use it or lose it.

I hope you all are having a good weekend.  If you need me I'll be here on this laptop.  😆

After being sick last Friday I feel mostly better.

After being sick last Friday I feel mostly better.  However, I think I'm experiencing chest congestion for the first time in my life and well... I don't like it.

I'm not in love with these and...

I'm not in love with these and the stones weren't a great idea (Shaun told me so), but they're not bad. This is a pretty purple polish with an orange flash, so I wanted to use gel stamping polish and chrome powder to see if I could make it look like the orange was cracking through. It didn't turn out the way my brain expected, but that's ok. It was fun to do them and  I'm gonna keep them on until I'm tired of them. 😂

Out back and out front. The clouds are beautiful everywhere.

Out back and out front. The clouds are beautiful everywhere.

Also, the rotted yucca that we chopped down is growing babies! We are super excited about that! ❤️

I'm pretty much over...

I'm pretty much over whatever I woke up with on Friday. I napped all day Friday, some yesterday, and today I'm just going to bed on time. I still have a slight cough, but no aches or fatigue or nausea.

It's really amazing what your body can do when it's allowed the rest it begs for. I'm so grateful to be in a position where I no longer have to put financial well-being over my health. ❤️

Shaun's nails I did yesterday.

Shaun's nails I did yesterday. He won't let me use cuticle oil (he doesn't like the feel of lotions or oils), so ignore the dry cuticles. 🙄 But his favorite colors are red and black. I found out yesterday that I could use gel stamping polish and then use chrome powder over it to make it pop. He really likes these. The patterns are all different because we were just trying stuff out.

There was this black powder in the kitchen floor...

There was this black powder in the kitchen floor this morning that wasn't there when we went to bed. Naturally, I blamed it on the kids 😂 and then started to clean it up. It was then that I realized it was tiny hairs... Like, SO tiny! Still blaming the kids I was like "Did Shadow drop a razor down here or something?"

Anyway, a few minutes later I found another patch of black powder on the floor and I knew I'd gotten it all up, so my accusation turned to Shaun - the only other person in the kitchen with me. He's got these ugly croc-type shoes (that's irrelevant, but true) and I was like "I bet you wore those when you shaved, DIDN'T YOU?" 😂😂😂 So then I told him to move his feet all around and he's like "What?" and I'm like "You don't always just walk straight."

And this motherfucker replied "No need to mutate" and if you don't get it then that's probably why I'm not married to you. 😂😂😂

P. S.  It was his hair from when he shaved. It really was just falling out of his shoes. 😂😂😂

I did Shaun's nails yesterday and...

I did Shaun's nails yesterday and tired out before I cleaned up the table, so that's a shit ton of nail art supplies she's messing with, (the tissue I was using to clean one of my brushes). This is Calypso tryna get his attention this morning. Watch how she messes with something and then looks at my husbang sitting to the left of me. She literally came and tried to chew his watch band after this video ended. She's the worst cat. 😂😂😂

Last night when I went to bed...

Last night when I went to bed my throat was itchy so I had a slight cough. This morning I woke up and feel like I've been hit by a truck. My body is sore, I'm nauseated, have chills, AND I'm coughing.

I don't know how I got sick. We almost never leave the house and when we do it's for grocery curbside pickup or to hit a drive-through. We never stopped masking if we have to go out and still hand-sanitize and hand-wash frequently.

I'm so grateful I can take the day off to rest and not have it affect my paycheck. I'm off to rest and hopefully get right. I hope your weekend is off to a better start!

For as long as I've known Sindar and Shaun, this...

For as long as I've known Sindar and Shaun, this... "licking of the armpits" thing has been a thing. I've gotten to where I call it "nursing the baby" because I find that hilarious. 😂😂😂

So Sindar does this most nights when Shaun comes to bed. But for the last few nights Shaun has slept downstairs with Cub because of the fireworks, so I guess Sindar was missing out. We've gotten her arthritis medicine situation to where she wasn't drunk on meds, but also not crying in the day so when she started crying today I called him upstairs. Then this happened. 😂

I guess Adrian had to check it out for herself and didn't see the appeal. 😂 Notice that Sindar "nursed" and then went to Shaun's pillow (and shortly thereafter fell asleep). That is one of her regular napping spots during the day. I feel like she truly just wanted him to come see her... and maybe bring her an armpit to lick. 😂❤️