I thought it was bed time, but it's apparently "ugly cry" time.

Fuck.  I thought it was bed time, but it's apparently "ugly cry" time.  I am SO not ok right now.

I feel like I have no control over my life.  Doctors tell me what to do, school tells me what to do, work tells me what to do.  Shaun lets me pick where we eat at lunch.  That's all I got.

I don't know what's up - maybe it's the Prednisone mixed with PMS hormones, but I cannot stop crying.  Or maybe it's the stress of having more work and homework than I can feasibly do.  Or maybe it's the stress of having to work a certain number of hours to keep my food stamps, or either choose to put enough time into school to keep my GPA so I can afford to transfer to JSU and not have the whole rest of my life suck.  Or maybe it's the pain that I know I'll be in if I quit all of my medicine right now - which sounds like a damn good idea to me because FUCK THIS.  FUCK ALL OF THIS.  I didn't want Prednisone and I don't want the shot.  I am officially making making a choice.  One stupid, simple thing.  Just give me the goddamn methotrexate pills or I will go without.

It's so fucking late, but I can't sleep.  I'm going to curl up on the couch with some Algebra and see if I can distract my brain from hating everything ever right now.  Maybe if my brain is occupied my eyes will stop leaking. I really hope so.  Otherwise, my homework will get wet.  🙁

Today, I am much less hurt-y and hate-y...

Today, I am much less hurt-y and hate-y than I was earlier this week.  I have, however, been one hell of a grump.  I did not sleep well last night.  I think it may be due to the Prednisone because sleeping is THE ONE THING I'm usually good at doing.

So... tomorrow is the big day, y'all.  The day that I am supposed to stab myself with medicine.  I am already dreading it, like a big squeamish baby.  I swear I was not always this way.  😂😂😂

Anyone else out there ever have to do that?  Any tips?  I'm supposed to stab myself somewhere fat, like my belly or thigh.  Thinking of stabbing my belly makes me want to flop out of my chair and smash my face into the floor to get the thought out of my head - so thigh it is!

I seriously hope that I don't chicken out.  If I do Shaun will do it and he seems just a BIT TOO EXCITED at the thought of stabbing me.  So, I'd really rather do it myself.  It would be good if I could anyway - since I'm always with me and he's not.

HALP!  PLEASE!

Getting ready for work.

Getting ready for work.  Today is not as bad as yesterday.  Physically, anyway.  Emotionally, well - that's another story.  Some jackass in my Happy Tails Pet Recovery of Calhoun County group had me livid and in tears at 7:30 this morning.  I hope Keith Timmons feels great about that.  As if it's not bad enough that I was cussed up one side and down the other as well as insulted (on my page AND via PM) by another person in the group last night.  Oh, and now Keith is sending me messages, too.  People just can't get enough.

The rules there are simple:  Post lost and founds only - for the sole purpose of reuniting pets with their owners.  I don't know why some people can't understand that.  It's not complicated.

Anyway.  I was blamed for more people not helping animals because I am "extreme."  No.  The reason that more people don't help is because people are ignorant and lazy and irresponsible and they don't feel any obligation whatsoever to make even a small change in the way they do things for the greater good.

So there's that, but then also the fact that rescue people BURN OUT. That can be attributed to usually one or two things:  1)  It is psychologically damaging to a person for them to witness pain and suffering on a continuous basis.  It's called secondary-traumatic stress disorder and it's a real thing.  It causes depression and suicide.

So not only is there THAT, but there is a big # 2), which is:  There are the people who make life hard for rescue people.  Such as harassing and cursing them when they do something that the person doesn't like.  Rescue people who have been doing this for a while have rules in place for a reason and do things the way they do FOR A REASON.  I'm terribly sorry if rescue is not your thing and you don't understand, but I literally don't have time to explain myself repeatedly.  If you have a question - ask it - and I'm more than happy to answer... but arguing with me because you don't like how I do things and insulting me gets you nowhere.

So NO - I am not the reason that anyone chooses not to rescue or help animals and anyone who thinks that is a dumbass.  People who truly want to help WILL FIND A WAY.

Yay Ibuprofen!

Yay Ibuprofen!  Looks like I'll get a whopping 5 hours of sleep tonight.  That'll be better than last night.  I'll take it.

My knees are being stubborn, but the lower back is cooperating.  At least I'll be able to make myself somewhat comfortable.

Goodnight, FB.  FINALLY.

Today was kind of bad.

Today was kind of bad.  I feel so whiny and I apologize for that, but dang.

Sitting in class for 2 hours in a hard chair where my feet dangle is bad.  It hurts my knees and lower back.  I might seriously have to start carrying around a box or something to put my feet on.

Between that, lower back PMS pain, and my hips and knees not feeling any better yet (come on, Prednisone!), I was in tears by the time I got back home.  I took some Ibuprofen and fell asleep on the couch with Shadow.  I got to work around 4 (YIKES!), but it could not be helped today.

Dang ol' life is kicking my ass.  I feel like every day is a struggle lately and I'm honestly kind of afraid to hear how my x-rays turned out.

Well, who has time to mope when you have hours of homework to do?  Not this girl.  No long-moping for me.  Later, friends.  ❤

Ok. I've been home from the doctor for a while.

Ok.  I've been home from the doctor for a while.  Wasting time that I desperately did not need to waste.  But I feel tired, so.

Anyway.  Saw Dr. Crawford.  I got there 30 minutes late (I called before getting there in case she UNDERSTANDABLY did not want to see me).  I got lost in doing homework and had no clue what time it was.  Thankfully she said to come anyway.

She asked a lot of questions, felt my joints, and sent me for x-rays.  She's putting me on the injectable form of methotrexate... meaning that I'm going to have to give myself a weekly shot.  I feel faint just thinking about it, but I'll survive.  I'm also now on Prednisone for a few months to get my symptoms in check.  And of course folic acid to keep all of this shit from making my hair fall out.  Woo.

So... I start my shot on Friday.  And speaking of shots:  I'm supposed to give Nappy her arthritis shot today.  I feel all jeebly just thinking about it.  Blegh.  I'm not a fan of stabbing us.  😂

Anyway.  Homework calls.  Later, FB.

Jeebus.

Jeebus.  I have 85 notifications, but I don't have time to check them.  Hit the ground running today.  Everyone's fed and now I have to do some errands so I can come home and do more homework.  Finished up a section yesterday, but still have 3 to go.  😳

I got a new pencil at Wal-Mart last night.  It's gray - one of my favorite colors.  Could have only been better if it had been brown.  Fat chance I'll ever see one like that, but it's ok.  It writes really nice and it doesn't hurt my finger.  Woo!

FYI - if anyone needs me in an urgent kind of way - send me a message.  I don't have the Facebook app installed on my phone.  It makes it slow and it's a big distraction.  So I only have Messenger on there.

Anyway, I'm off to do things.  I will sit down and respond to everyone later today... I'm almost sure of it.  I will have to take a break from homework so that my brain doesn't explode.  ❤❤❤