I've had a few people check on me...

I've had a few people check on me (y'all are amazing!), so I thought I'd post an official update on my mental well-being.  I'm currently waiting for my Melatonin to kick in, so the plan is to not make this a lengthy update, but damn I like words, so we'll see.  😛

The short answer is yes - I'm doing ok.  THANK GOODNESS!  I feel basically stable.  I've been going to bed around the same time every night (close to now-ish, if it hasn't been a particularly hard day that causes me to crash sooner).  Unfortunately, I usually still wake up around 3 am, but I just stay in bed and kind of drift in and out until I get up at 6:30.  (This semester brought a lot of changes because I've never been one to willingly follow a schedule, but it's for the best right now.)

I never did up myself back to the full dosage of Celexa and I'm not sure if I will.  My appointment with the mental health center is in late October, so as long as nothing major comes up I'm just going with what I'm doing for now because it seems to be working.

My jaw has mostly stopped clenching, though I'm burning through gum and gummies, too.  (Gummies make a nice low-calorie chewy snack, I've found.)  I'm not eating like a horse; in fact, my appetite has decreased a bit, but I really think that I was overeating before because I felt like crap.  I have more energy and I haven't yet been exercising as much as I'd intended, but I am walking a good bit more and tend to work more around the house in the evenings instead of coming home and just being a lump on the couch.  So I call that progress.

Anyway.  This is better.  I am having a bit of what I've found out is called "emotional blunting" but with my over-feeling self it kind of feels like a vacation.  It's not major, but I am able to watch, you know, American Ninja Warrior with the guys and not cry.  (Seriously.  I was ridiculous before.  I mean - that's me and it's ok, but I don't have time to deal with myself right now.  LOL)  It's not like I don't care about things anymore because I super do, but some things just aren't taking a toll on me like they used to and I need that - for a while, at least.

So, there you go.  No more death thoughts.  No more couch-lump, unmotivated Blu.  The only bad health thing at the moment is that my Psoriasis and Arthritis are flaring up a little, but it's not super bad yet.  I need to make time to see a doctor, but my schedule is busy - at least for a few more weeks.  I hear that we finish one class kind of early in the semester, so if we do I will have a bit more time to worry about me.  In the meantime I'm just working and going to school, as usual!

Super thank you to everyone who helped me and who checked on me.  I need friends like that in my life.  I'm so thankful for you all!  ❤

I just had a great lunch.

I just had a great lunch. Went by Captain D's and almost hit the drive through, but changed my mind and went in instead. So glad I did. I made a new friend!

An old guy with a cane was approaching the door as I was, so I held it open for him. I asked him if he wanted to order first, but he said he had nothing to do and all day to do it, so I went ahead.

Got to a table and when I saw him come in just decided to ask him to sit with me. We chatted over lunch. He complimented my nails and said that he does them for his wife in the nursing home (who he goes to see every day). He says the polish itself makes a difference in the application, and his favorite brand is Essie even though he could buy a bourbon for the cost of it. LOL He loves his little one-eyed poodle and only lets him go out "on a string." He was also driving a surprisingly bad ass little truck he custom made. 

I swear, my day is made. 😃

Go forth and make some new friends, y'all. It's the best! ❤️❤️❤️

Ha! I just petted Beyonce!

Ha!  I just petted Beyonce!  That'll teach her not to relax enough to fall asleep out in the open!  😛

Seriously, she popped straight up and ran.  I probably shouldn't have done it, but I haven't touched her in over a year.  It was irresistible.  She's fine, btw - just sitting in the middle of the floor looking SUPREMELY annoyed.  LOL

Ten + sheets of paper (front and back)...

Ten + sheets of paper (front and back), plus using my colorful new gel pens to make me want to do it and now I can write from memory what I wrote for Calculus yesterday, plus another third.

•  The two fundamental ideas of Calculus are:

1)  The derivative.  This is a way of measuring instantaneous change.

2)  The integral.  This is the sum of numerous pieces.

•  A tangent is a straight line that touches a curve at a specific point.

•  A derivative, as it relates to the tangent, is the slope of a line that is tangent to a curve.

•  The three main purposes of Differential Calculus are:  1) precision, 2) approximation, 2) maximum and minimum.

I think that part was probably the easiest.  The last third looks a little tougher.  I would read it right now to double-check, but my brain is processing.  I don't want to cause a glitch or a system meltdown.  LOL  I think it's time to step away from my desk and make some dinner.  😃

Yes, I actually spent money to own this.

Yes, I actually spent money to own this. If you don't know what Simply Nailogical is, you need to fix that. Sooner rather than later. 😛

Today was pretty good. 🙂

Today was pretty good.  🙂  Did some nail stuff (see previous post for pic of chrome / holo nails), saw some friends and family, and I STUDIED.

Watch this.

Five Things Osborn Wants me to Know About Calculus:

1)  Calculus is a way of measuring change, including change in time and space.

2)  Calculus can help address counterintuitive notions in physics and economics.

3)  Calculus is effective in "managing infinity."

4)  Calculus problems tend to lead to algebra and / or basic math problems.

5)  Calculus is a set of procedures which convert any function or combination of functions into a derivative, which describes the relationship between the variable at at particular point.

BOOM!  ^^^  All that from memory - as required on my next test.  I also have 18 graphs that I need to be able to label, but I feel pretty good about them.  I ALSO have one more page of things to learn word for word, but I had to start somewhere.  I have 6 more days to get that locked in.  I think that if I put in some effort every day, I can do it.

Anyway.  Guess I'm going to get ready for bed.  Tomorrow starts early!  First Aid class meets at 8.  That's too early for me, but it's a fun and informative class, so it's cool.  🙂

Y'all. 😳

Y'all.  😳

So I did my nails again last night.  My first application of gels on myself was a complete fail, as all but 3 had pathetically peeled off within in a few days.  Since I am a bad person and did not remove all but those last 3 properly my nails took a little bit of damage, but nothing major.

I'd cut my nails down after the photos of the scale chromes because I figured I wouldn't be taking pictures for a while.  Well, obviously I was wrong.  So, bask in the glory of my silver chrome and holo nubs!  LMAO  Seriously, the chrome is so reflective you can see the reflection of the rainbow from the holo nail next to it.  WHATTT?!?!  😳

I took my time and did it correctly last night - buffing and all.  I used SUPER thin layers of polish so that I didn't flood my cuticles and overall I think this is better.  Hopefully this time they will stay on for more than a few days.

Y'all know I can't just have a hand full of matching nails, so I tried out my new holo powder as an accent nail (ring finger, if it isn't obvious.  LOL)  All I can say is "DAMNNNN."  I have some holographic polishes, but NONE of them compare to the strength of this powder.  I am in shock and awe.  The holo is even visible in regular lighting inside the house, which isn't always the case for holo polish.  Also, it's not completely visible here (because certain angles turn it back into a rainbow), but the center line down the holo nail looks chrome to my eyes IRL.  I just don't even have words for how amazing I think that is.  😳

Another great thing about the powder is that it can be used over any color (as can the chromes, actually), but I only have black gel for now, so that's what I used last night as a base for all.  I've seen photos online that show the base colors peeking through when used under the powders, so that is something to try another day.  I also need to see how I can mix and match gel with regular polish to extend wear, but I don't have the time for that right now, unfortunately.  😕

ANYWAY.  It was super hard not to stamp over these because that is just what I always want to do, but I think that my scale stamping actually took away from the beauty of the chromes on my last paint job.  Who would ever guess that less can be more?  LOL  Since these are true gels TECHNICALLY I should be able to stamp over them and even straight up paint regular polish on top of them and then be able to remove it with non-acetone remover without damaging the paintjob pictured.  When this mani starts wearing out I might try it just to confirm.  But not yet.  SO NOT YET.  I'm hoping to enjoy this one for some days.  😃