Depression is still winning, but...

Depression is still winning, but my doctor switched up my meds. Maybe I'll feel better soon.

In happier news:  Look at my plants.

The color my Fred Ives (the big one) is showing is blowing my mind. The top leaves are new growth; the lower ones with duller colors is what he looked like when he came to me. This photo is not edited. #NoFilter
It's probably not obvious from this angle, but he's a bit etiolated. I'm considering making him shorter and propagating some babies from him. I bet they would be beautiful.

I just love this picture. All of the shapes and textures float my boat.

Polka Dot Plant

Purple Passion

Begonia Rex

I left school to see a doctor.

I left school to see a doctor.

I made it to school.

I made it to school. I'm tired and don't want to stay and probably won't go to the gym like I should. But I'm here.

On a brighter note these are some of the things I love about Jacksonville State University:

I woke up over an hour ago.

I woke up over an hour ago. I guess I have no excuse today. Getting ready for school. Wish me strength.

I'm still not 100%...

I'm still not 100%, but I'm feeling better than I did last week.  I checked a few small things off of my house and school to-do lists since Friday so I'm sure that helped.  I still might talk to my doctor about changing my meds, though.  I'm having more days with breakthrough depression than I'd like to.

On a positive note yesterday I filled out what should be my last FAFSA.  I also have my class schedule for the rest of the year.

Summer:

CS 462 - Ethics and Legal Issues

MS 309 - Combinatorics

Fall:

CS 412 - Disaster Response and Recovery

CS 450 - Computer Networking

MS 441 - Abstract Algebra

MS 475 - Senior Seminar

THEN... this time next year I will be taking Differential Equations (again) and my last 400-level CS elective.

AND THEN I'M DONE.

GRADUATING.  😳😳😳

I know that sounds like great news but at the same time I never thought I would attend, (much less graduate from), JSU.  So the closer I get the more anxiety I have that something is going to stop me.  I'm sure that nonsensical stress is also great for my depression.  🤣🤣🤣

Anyway, I think I'm off to catch a nap.  Celexa makes me super drowsy so that's another reason I don't hate the idea of switching up meds.  Woo.  I hope you all are doing well.  🧡🧡🧡

So I have been crap all week. 😢

So I have been crap all week. 😢 I'm STILL not done with my paper; Shaun is bribing me to finish it with dinner tonight at my favorite restaurant. We'll see if that works.

I went to school on Monday, but no other day this week. This is the week after Spring Break so that feels freaking ridiculous. I just feel kind of lifeless and unmotivated. I don't know if it's time to change antidepressants, or if it's because I go so hard for so long and crash, then rest. I could just be resting. I would like to think that I am resting, but the tightness in my chest says otherwise.

If I'm not doing better by Monday I guess I'll head to the doctor and see if she can help me get sorted out. I have worked too hard this semester to let myself blow it right at the end. 🙁 I guess I'm off to... I don't know.... sit in silence until I fall asleep on my dogs OR work on this paper. Who knows? In any case I hope you all are doing well. ❤

I'm struggling today.

I'm struggling today.  I didn't make it to school.  I have a report that should have been done before Monday that is still not complete.  I haven't fed my animals yet - Nom is letting his displeasure with that be known.  Something weird is going on with one of my boobs (I don't want to talk about it.)  There are only 3 weeks left in this semester.  You'd think I'd be excited and energized and ready to finish it out, but I'm not.  I'm going to feed my animals now and keep pecking away at the report; hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  ❤