To anyone I've left on read lately...

Happy 2 years to us!

It's the eve of our two year anniversary with Kira...

It's the eve of our two year anniversary with Kira and I have things to say.  By and large I have kept my damn mouth shut to keep the peace, but she's 19 now and the fear that she could be forced by the courts or relatives to leave us is no longer a threat.  So, I'm getting some shit off my chest.

1)  Being related to someone does not mean that you are owed a relationship or communication with them.  What it means is that you share DNA.  If you want a relationship with a person - be it a relative or anyone else - you first need to love and accept them.  If you can't do anything but criticize someone's life, looks, choice of living situation / partner, etc, then why would they want to spend time with you?  That sure as hell doesn't sound fun to me.

2)  I consider it a pretty big fuck up when you have your children taken away - be it by their other relatives or DHR or whatever.  To lose most or all of them permanently indicates a problem to me.  In any case I do believe that relationships can be repaired, but it takes honesty and open communication.  When you have been the one in the wrong you don't get to dictate how or even IF the relationship progresses.  First and foremost if the person you have wronged is agreeable to having a relationship with you, their boundaries must be respected or it's going to end before it began every. single. time.

3)  I will tell you loud and proud that I am Kira's mom.  I am not her birth mother, but Shaun and I have raised her and loved her as our own for two years now.  We are family.

We've gotten her braces, glasses, dental care, physical, and mental healthcare, basic living necessities like clothes and shoes that fit, a laptop which is pretty much necessary for school these days, etc.  We helped her get her permit and her license and a car.  We have loved her every minute and helped her though some pretty traumatic shit.  She is OURS and we will protect her and advocate for her well-being with everything we've got.  Her relatives can't say the same.

We spend time with her and encourage her and are interested in the things she's interested in.  We spend a lot of time just chilling and and enjoying being together.  There's no drama and no fighting or shouting.  It's all love and laughter with us.  The kids know that they are respected as young adults and can have opinions that differ from ours.  Things are not perfect, but Kira and Shadow have seen me and Shaun work our asses off to take care of them and work towards better things.  Kira's relatives cannot say the same.

So it's no wonder to me that when she's upset or uncomfortable, she turns to one of us. It makes sense to me that she wants us around even when she's with her relatives because she knows we always have her back no matter what.  We've never been mean or rude to any of her relatives and we are open to communication and a relationship.  This post might change the way many of them view us, but I doubt it.  Most of them have made it a point to talk negatively about us to Kira, claiming that we've brainwashed her every time she tries to stand up for herself or enforce a boundary she set.

All I can really say at this point is that Kira is the most beautiful, sweet, special girl I know and I'm sick of people stressing her out.  She's over the drama, she's not playing games, and she speaks for herself.  She's blossoming into a strong independent young woman and we could not be more proud.  I honestly think Kira's cousins are cool, but there are a hand-full of adults that need to get right, 'cause otherwise they are gonna miss out and there's gonna be no one but themselves to blame.

Today was ALMOST bad.

Today was ALMOST bad.

Tldr:  Shaun saved the day and I didn't get a migraine.

I woke up too late to go to the Student Health Center - again. I called to see if I could make an appointment for this afternoon, but they were booked up. Tomorrow afternoon wouldn't work for me because I have classes during their appointment hours. Since I don't have class until late tomorrow I'm hoping I can make it to be seen as a walk-in in the morning. That depends entirely on how much sleep I get, though. I'm not feeling terrible health-wise, but I do still think something is going on.

I woke up with a tension headache today. I immediately took medication in an attempt to keep it from triggering a migraine. I went to class and then afterwards rolled up in a ball on a secluded chair in the hallway. After sitting with myself to see if I was going to get better or worse, I called Shaun. Thankfully, he'd just gotten off work so I asked him to meet me at Baja. We ate and I felt a little better. Then he went with me to the library to find some books to use for my homework tonight. Then we came home and I napped for a bit.

I feel better than I have all day, although not great still. I'm about to do my homework assignment that's due tomorrow and then I'm calling it a night.

I'm going to have to make an effort to exercise again to combat this tension. I should be exercising anyway, but bad headaches are definitely a good motivator. I can logic myself out of a mental meltdown due to stress (like I did in last night's post), but I don't know how to tell my body it's ok. If anyone has ideas on that, let me know!

I've been freaking out...

I've been freaking out about failing my math classes because I haven't gotten good marks on either of the homework assignments that I turned in. Then it dawned on me that even if I failed the math classes I would still have my Computer Science major and could delay graduation until I passed the maths I need to finish that major, too. I could probably still get a job and handle one class at a time to finish. I really need to calm the hell down. I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't know when it's going to sink in that I'm ok. 😕

I took a "me" day and spent time watering my plants.

I took a "me" day and spent time watering my plants. I have homework due every day this week, so I'm about to get started. I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I also didn't feel bad today. I will go tomorrow before class since it will be convenient and free. Here are some pretty blooms. 😍

I just cut Faith's toes off...