I did more housework...

I woke up...

I'm still not ok. I saw my counselor today.

I'm still not ok.  I saw my counselor today.  It was helpful, I guess, but I have a long way to go.  I realized that I don't have a single person in my life who can relate to the struggle I'm facing with college and the challenges of tearing down mental blocks and living with the amount of growing pains I've suffered.  Due to that...

I feel very isolated.  I'm not sure what to do about that, but the social media relationships I'm getting on Facebook aren't cutting it.  Therefore, I'm taking a break from this platform indefinitely.  The Facebook app has been removed from my phone and I'm logging out after this post.

I really miss the days of social media being about maintaining relationships.  As things are right now I have to scroll through a million memes / shared posts to see any original content.  Some memes / shared posts are cute and relatable, but most are tired and have been around before.  If I had the energy to put into finding a way to see only original content I'd consider sticking around.  But that is not worth my time or energy when I'm running so low on both.

I'm not deleting Messenger because it is, unfortunately, very useful.  If anyone wants to talk to me there feel free but know that I have notifications turned off and will check it at my convenience.  Please do not send me memes or cute animals or heartwarming stories or things you think I will like.  I currently don't have the ability to appreciate that and will feel annoyed that my time has been wasted.  And I probably won't respond to you and it's very likely I will mute the conversation.

I know that this might seem like a counterintuitive measure to take when I'm already feeling alone, but I feel like I give more to Facebook than I get and I can't afford that kind of energy / time expenditure anymore.  I've moved to another platform where I can find information and be part of actual conversations, which is what I crave.

There is no need to respond to this post because I don't plan to see it.  If you'd like to message me, though, feel free.  Also, I might post stories when I feel that I have something to share, but I don't know and I make no promises.

*****

One last thing before I go:

Kira is looking for a job doing stocking, cleaning, dishwashing, or anything along those lines.  Please message her directly if you know of a job opportunity that she may be qualified for.  I've tagged her in this post so she can be easily found.  Thanks in advance.

Anyone else...

Shaun took me to the doctor.

Shaun took me to the doctor. I got my migraine meds refilled and an anxiety medication. I rescheduled my therapy appointment. First available was next Tuesday at 10.

I took a look at the schedule planner for spring classes. I don't know if it's finalized, but I didn't see Abstract Algebra. I guess there's always hope that I could do an independent study. I noticed that Networking is offered, though, in case I end up failing even more this go 'round.

I'm snuggled up on the couch with my dogs. Just having someone exist with you with no expectations is my favorite thing - especially when I'm depressed. Having to engage is work that I don't have the energy to do.

I'm off to rest, friends. Thank you to everyone who has my back through all of this. I appreciate you. ❤️

I guess it's actual breakthrough depression...

I guess it's actual breakthrough depression because I've reached the "crying a lot" stage. Definitely not just overwhelmed. Damn.

Shaun is taking me to the doctor in the morning. I'm too lifeless to take myself.

My therapist canceled my appointment.

My therapist canceled my appointment. I'm sad. I needed it. Last night was the first time in 5 days I brushed my teeth and slept in my bed rather than on the couch.