WARNING: This is some long and rambly shit.

You probably don't want to read it if you don't super care about what's going on in my life - and that's ok.
🤎

As most of you know I'm not really one to celebrate days that have nothing to do with me just because the humans that came before me did it. (Christmas, Valentine's, things like that.) I very much dislike tradition and being expected to do things outside of my normal routine just because someone else (even if it's most of the country) is doing it. I totally get celebrating birthdays and anniversaries and accomplishments because duh - those things have meaning. I still never really put much bearing on New Year's, usually, but this year I find myself kind of glad to see 2014 over with.

I guess it didn't all suck. I started Polish All the Things which has been fun (when it's not creating stress). I have my ani-pals and got my Tort Baby and my Bruce love and Anansi and Peach. I kind of feel like hitting such a low point and STILL not scaring Shaun away was a big deal. After him hanging in there with me this past year I feel more secure with him than I've ever felt with anyone in my life. Shadow is an awesome kid - so no complaints there. 😀

But if I'm being totally honest - looking back a lot of 2014 was not so great. I had more health issues this past year than I've ever had in my life - both mental and physical. I've dealt with a lot of stress... a lot of animal stress due to things I couldn't change - and there is nothing more bleak than feeling helpless - especially when you know that innocents are suffering. I don't think I've ever actually been suicidal, but at my worst point (over the summer) I did struggle with feeling like, "What is the fucking point of it all?" I've seen a few friends go through the ringer emotionally, too, which is never easy, as I'm empathetic in the extreme. Also, money stress. Wow. I missed a lot of time from work because of my health and got behind on bills and there were times that I just felt like "How will I ever get back on top of this?"

I've also seen a LOT of giving up this past year. There is part of my family who was always so hard-working and proud that has basically quit working and have come very close to losing everything. My neighbors seem to have hit a low point, as well, because they are constantly begging food and toiletries and whatever else they can get off of me. I worry about my family and I worry about how desperate the neighbor is getting. Even though I feel like I am finally getting to a point where I'm ok (mind you, ok = buying toilet paper AND paper towels in the same trip to Wal-Mart [and yes, that is a thing I've had to struggle back to]) - it's stressful and hard to see people close to me just failing at life - especially when I'm in no position to help. But they aren't even trying and I feel so overwhelmed and exasperated. And honestly - kind of angry a lot of times.

I don't know. Seems like a lot of people are happy to see 2014 gone and though I'm usually one to take things a day at a time... maybe I am glad to see it gone, too.

Here's hoping things look a little better for us all this go round. 😊