General Life Update: The anxiety is real.

General Life Update:  The anxiety is real.

This post will be all over the place because that is me at this moment.

I met with my professor (virtually) regarding my exam.  I actually made a few points lower than what she had graded.  😬  I see where I went wrong on a lot of things so that is helpful information and I'll be working on that.  She announced to the class the other day that we'll have two more quizzes this semester and she's planning to drop everyone's lowest quiz grade.  If I can make good-ish grades on both of those, that will help my overall score a lot.  Also, she has agreed to let me take those quizzes as well as the final at DSS (Disability Support Services), so that will eliminate a lot of my anxiety and make things feel more normal.

School is the major thing going on in my life right now, but it's not the ONLY thing.  The other big one is Shaun's parent's house... which I guess is basically ours now, even though that feels weird to say.  Houses are a lot of responsibility and Shaun has been the one going out there and cleaning things out and adding improvements and generally keeping an eye on the place.  He's working really hard out there.  I've been several times, but am mostly keeping my focus on school and staying home so that our house isn't empty.  Due to that we're spending a lot of time apart and while I actually enjoy being by myself I am having anxiety about "What if something happens and he gets hurt while doing all of this work?" and stuff along those lines.  Which...

I called him last night before I went to bed.  He didn't answer.  I called the house phone.  I called Messenger.  I called Google Voice.  I called his cell.  I called his dad's cell.  All no answer, anxiety increases, rinse, repeat.  It was bad.  I was literally about 2 seconds from throwing on clothes and driving out there when he called me back.  He was up a ladder installing a security camera outside - at almost midnight.  And he couldn't get to the phone.  When I finally talked to him I was ok.  But damn if those weren't a horrifying few minutes of my mind racing.  I apologized for freaking out and calling so much, but he was like "I heard it and I knew what was happening.  It's ok."  He is amazing and kind.  But he also could have let me know he wouldn't be near his phone for bit in the middle of the night.  😂😂😂

Anyway, all of this on top of election anxiety means that I'm running pretty low on chill.  Thankfully on that front, it looks like decency and grammar and decorum and human rights and eat the rich is in the lead.  If you don't agree, keep it to yourself or leave.  I have a lot more important things to focus on besides the feelings or opinions of friends / family / strangers who disagree.  There is hope yet for me to graduate in about a month, and I'm not finished trying to make it happen.  And with that, I'm off to study.  I hope you all are doing well.  If you're not because you're stressing, just remember that a Biden presidency literally won't hurt or kill you, unlike the last 4 years of that orange idiot stripping rights, harming our environment, and inciting violence.  Peace, ya'll.