What's on my mind, Facebook prompts.
Well, kind of a lot.
I haven't written anything in-depth in a while because we've been busy and I've been pretty un-balanced. When I say un-balanced in this case I mean that I haven't been making self-care a priority and instead have been putting an excess of time / energy towards other goals. I can do it for a while but it always catches up to me and I'm pretty sure that it has. I spent yesterday fending off a migraine and slept for most of the day today.
When we were working on the house for those 3 weeks that we hyper-focused on getting it ready to be sold I would bribe myself out of bed with fast food breakfast. I don't eat much meat but I love eggs so getting breakfast on the way to the house was always a treat for me. But getting food usually meant getting an unsweet tea; I'd quit caffeine a while back but after 3 weeks of drinking tea daily it's become a habit again. So even though I'm not needing to bribe myself out of bed to get moving I still find myself making excuses to run out for a tea, but if I'm out I might as well grab a bite to eat. For me that's a vicious cycle and one that I'm trying to break. I guess this is Day 1 of me being good. I saved some tea from yesterday so that I could have some today without having to leave the house. That will help me mitigate the withdrawal headache, at least. (And yes, we could make tea here but with me trying to stop drinking it now is not the time.)
For several days we had issues with water pressure and thankfully we got that fixed today. Our pressure reducer had gone bad and we got it replaced this morning. The pressure reducer went bad right before the holiday and we needed the water company to check things out to make sure there wasn't a leak somewhere and they couldn't do that until yesterday so we didn't know what the problem was until yesterday afternoon. Due to that there were several days that the water would just barely trickle when we turned it on. That all but put a halt to washing clothes and showering. It wasn't fun. I slept on the couch last night in my clothes because I didn't want to make the bed gross. Then when I woke up today I just couldn't handle the amount of hair I had on my head so my sweet Shaun buzzed about half of it off for me. I don't know how or why, but having less hair is self-care for me so I needed that. I also finally took a shower with decent pressure and I feel much better.
All of that was affecting me, but it seems so trivial now. We just lost a young family member to a car accident and honestly I can't feel anything but anger at the moment. She had just turned 17 and had her whole life ahead of her. She was smart, a hard worker, so fun and silly, not to mention beautiful. When my mom told me all I could say was "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I'm still kind of there; I am having a hard time accepting that it happened. I'm also worried about my mom and Shadow because they were close to her and neither seem particularly ok. I'm honestly scared for her mom, too, because that is every parents worst nightmare come true and I just don't know what I would do in her shoes.
I don't feel it's my place to speak too much about this. I'm not fishing for condolences. If anything, just keep my family in your thoughts or prayers or whatever you do. I didn't spend as much time with that side of my family as I probably should have and as such I realize that my role here is mainly support. It wasn't because we didn't get along or anything; we were just living our lives in different places and doing different things. Regardless, my heart breaks when I think of what they are going through and I know the loss is going to hit me hard in the next few days when I can no longer deny it. I think we all have a rough time coming up and I guess I'm kind of bracing for it.
Anyway, I'm off to rest. I feel like I'm functioning in battery-saver mode. Hug your loved ones, y'all. ❤
