I was home alone with Emma for a few hours today.

I was home alone with Emma for a few hours today.  She slept more than usual and sneezed a few times.  In my head apparently that translated into "She's on her deathbed OMGIHAVETODOSOMETHINGRIGHTNOW."

Shaun has talked me down, once again.  Clearly, I am too paranoid and upset and scared to make rational decisions.  Here is our agreement:  If the blood work isn't back by Saturday, then she's going to AMC.  If she looks at all worse anytime before that, then she is going to AMC.  If her eyes continue to clear and she seems to feel ok, then I will CONSIDER continuing to wait for her blood work to come back at Dr. Berry's.

I doubt there is a parallel universe that exists in which I am totally cool with this on any level, but I think that having a solid plan laid out is helpful.  I am trying extremely hard to remain calm and make the best decisions, but I am a fixer of things so it's excruciatingly difficult for me to just... wait.  😕

Today was less terrible.

Today was less terrible.  My puppy is hanging in there, so I'm calming down a bit.

Emma is about the same - her eyes have cleared a little since starting the Prednisone and eye drops, but not completely.  She seems like she can see - at least some - for now.  I can tell that she does not feel 100%, but she doesn't seem to feel horrible, either.  I'm ok with her ok-ness.  I am thankful for it.  We still have not heard back from the vet on her test results.  I have amazed myself by not calling every single day, but I might give myself a break tomorrow and check in.

Monday and yesterday were bad.  I was panicked and doing tons of research and talking to everyone I could think of.  At the moment I am satisfied that we are doing the right thing, though I wish we could hurry the hell up and get on with treating her.

Anyway.  Time for her eye drops again.  I have to watch a movie for English and then I'll probably call it a night.  Being so worried all the time is exhausting.  Thank you to everyone who has checked on her.  ❤

Got to work late...

Got to work late because I'm having a hard time functioning. Left early because I crashed out and was useless.

Took a shower and a nap as soon as I got home. Now I need to study Algebra.

Emma's doing ok still. She seems a little more needy, but I'm not sure if that's because she feels kind of bad or because I'm babying her and she likes it. It's probably a little of both.

Her eyes looked a little better this morning, but not so much right now. Waiting for Shaun to get here to tell me if I'm being crazy. It's entirely possible that I'm not 100% sane right now, but I'm trying to remain calm for what that is worth.

Called AMC.

Called AMC.  The tech told me that if they were doing the test on Emma they would have to send it off, as well.  I guess the question is:  Should I wait, or push to have her treated?  The medication is hard on their liver, so I guess that's why we wait.  🙁

Emma seems ok this morning.  She doesn't seem to feel bad.  Her eyes are a little clearer.  I think she's dealing with everything better than I am.  I am sort of petrified.  I feel like I felt when I was sinking into depression.  I feel like I can't do anything.  Literally, anything.  I need to go to work, but I don't care about anything but her right now.  I wish I could sit home all day and look at her and just make sure she's ok.  I hate the whole world right now and I don't understand life.  I need help.

So despite...

So despite my horrible headache and the heartache of worrying over Emma I managed to do my Algebra homework and finish my test review. I plan to go over the test review tomorrow, as well, then hopefully I will be ready for the test on Wednesday.

Shaun brought home some nice bones for Emma and she has been pretty content to chew them. She seems to be feeling at least ok - which is a relief. I will call around tomorrow and see if anyone has a test that might rule out the Blastomycosis any faster, but if not, I have decided that I'm gonna watch her and hope that her blood work comes back pretty quick. At the first sign of her feeling worse I'll get her to another vet if Dr. Berry doesn't take action. As it stands, we don't know for sure that she has Blastomycosis - she hasn't had any other symptoms of it that we can tell and Shaun keeps reminding me of that. I'm not really sure what else might cause her eyes to do that, but Google is doing nothing but stressing me out.

This is so hard and I've never had to do this before, but all of my dogs are older and aging and I should probably just get used to it. I think the next few years of my life are going to suck really bad. 🙁

I am thinking about taking Emma to AMC in the morning...

I am thinking about taking Emma to AMC in the morning, or possibly tonight.  It just came to my attention that Blastomycosis can quickly be fatal.  I. AM. LOSING IT.  If that's so, how can we wait 2 weeks for bloodwork?

I am so scared and this is really hard.

About to head to work for a couple of hours.

About to head to work for a couple of hours.  This has been a really bad day.

Emma is not ok.  Her eyes are bulging and red - you can't even see the blue anymore.  She cannot see well, if at all.  She fell out of the car and was inconsolable at the vet.  She snapped twice - which is very unlike her.  She also kept running into things.  She must be terrified.  She's doing better at home because she knows her way around, but she was a hand full while we were out.

The vet is testing her for Blastomycosis.  She has Prednisone and eye drops to help her feel better for now.  It could be up to 2 weeks to get the results of her bloodwork back, but hopefully it will be sooner.  I just want her to be ok.

Thank you to everyone who's been asking about her.  I'll keep you all posted as we know things.