I don't really do Valentine's Day or many holidays, but...

I don't really do Valentine's Day or many holidays, but I'm almost always up for dark chocolate.  Made it home from this craptacular day to find that Shaun had bought some heart-shaped Dove dark chocolates (probably clearance V-Day stuff because that's how we roll) and had hidden them in places I frequent around the house.  That was an awesome way to cheer me up.  I have yet to not smile upon finding one.  🙂

I feel so thankful for all of my friends right about now.  Even if you can't be here hiding chocolate in my house the encouragement and good vibes sent through the Internet helps more than you think.  I feel this past year has just sucked - and the one before it, too... and this one isn't off to a great start, either.  So I know I've been WAYYY more whiny and complain-y than ever before, but hopefully I'll survive and come out even better on the other side.

I appreciate you all and I'm sorry if I'm a bad friend in return.  I'm trying so hard to change my life and it's sucking up my life force, but I hope that one day I can be awesome to you, too.  ❤  Thank you x1000.  Sincerely.  ❤

Made it to class despite needing windshield wipers on my eyes...

Made it to class despite needing windshield wipers on my eyes about as bad as on the outside of my car. Nothing sucks like being alone with your thoughts sometimes. One of my classmates is not here due to a death in the family. If only society could understand how much a part of my family that my animals are. 🙁

I honestly have no clue how that test went. I could have failed for all I know. I legit can't even bring myself to care right now. I just want to go home, but we have a lesson now. 🙁

Everyone please send me all of the brain waves...

Everyone please send me all of the brain waves that you are not using starting at 7 pm.  I have my first Trig test and I DO NOT feel ready.  I know that most of you are probably like "Meh, you make good grades, don't worry, blah blah blah!" but seriously it's been a shit-tacular weekend and I had zero motivation to study.

I can't not think about Lowrider being gone.  The house is too quiet and I feel her absence like whoa.  🙁  Every time I try to sleep all I can think about is how much she must have been hurting at the end.  I really need to pull myself together, but damn.  🙁  I'm really not in a cool place.  I don't know what to do.

I have a migraine coming on - probably because I'm so stressed.  I just took some Excedrin in hopes that I can survive driving to Gadsden and make it though my exam.  Also, I hate driving in the rain and it scares me so yay for that added stress on top of my regular stress.

Guess I'm gonna dry my tears, put on some real clothes, and head out a little early so I don't have to rush.  Everyone stay safe out there.  ❤

It's been a crap day

It's been a crap day, but I suppose that was to be expected.  The house feels weird without Lowrider in it.  She was kind of noisy - we think she was a Bassett mix and they are pretty vocal.  Not to mention that she barely had legs and would noisily shuffle everywhere she went.  😂

We went through a lot together.  She was a heartworm case that had lived at the shelter for over a year.  We had to go through heartworm treatment and her spay before we could even begin looking for a home for her.  After that there was a pretty big issue of house training.  She was no spring chicken and very set in her ways... and also STUBBORN as hell.

It took FOREVER to get her to learn the routine of going out and coming in.  Every single time - several times a day for MONTHS on end - I'd have to get a leash and pull her to where ever she needed to be.  It took even longer to fully house-train her.  After fostering her for nearly 2 years, I caved.  No one ever showed much interest in her and she was such a challenge that it would have taken someone very determined and patient to get her settled in at a new place.

She was such a funny girl.  She was a foster failure and according to her - my dog long before I officially adopted her.  When we would have adoption days at PetSmart she wouldn't walk with anyone else.  If any other volunteer attempted to walk her she would sit and not budge.  If I left her there to be walked by another volunteer she would stubbornly wait at the door for me to return.  Kind of hard to adopt out a dog who believes she is already owned and won't give anyone else the time of day.  😂

I'm gonna miss her noisy shuffling and as goofy as it sounds I will miss nearly falling over her every day.  She kept me on my toes and I guess I liked that.

Missing you already, Short Legs.  I wish the end could have gone a little better and I'm sorry that I let you hurt, but I'm glad you're not in pain anymore.  ❤❤❤

We just got home from the vet. Lowrider has passed away.

We just got home from the vet.  Lowrider has passed away.

When I was getting ready for bed I was making sure all the dogs were in, but she wasn't which was very unlike her.  I went outside looking for her and I found her hiding.  Her stomach looked huge.  I immediately thought "Oh fuck, bloat."

I called AMC and was told that our choices, (if it actually was bloat), were euthanasia or a $1500 - $3000 surgery.  Since I have so little money I decided to consult our regular vet.  He talked me down and told me that her breed didn't get bloat and that she probably ate something she shouldn't have and that if that was the case she'd be ok until the morning.  I didn't think I was being overly dramatic or paranoid, but knowing how crazy I get about my animals I second-guessed myself and I'm sure I wanted to believe him.  I really wanted him to meet me but he wasn't into that.  He told me I could give her an enema - which we did, but it didn't help.  By the time I realized that she was not going to be ok it was basically too late.  We rushed her to AMC and they helped her go peacefully.

I have regrets.  I am sad.  And I will miss my noisy, short-legged girl and her "Sandy Shuffle."  Rest in Peace, sweet old girl.  ❤

I really haven't had the time or energy to complain about my health lately...

I really haven't had the time or energy to complain about my health lately, but it hasn't been great.  I left history class with a migraine coming on.  Barely made it through without barfing.  Cried all the way home because my head hurt so bad.  Excedrin Migraine and a nap to the rescue.  I don't feel great now, but I'm functional.  About to get ready to head to work.

I think today was the last straw.  I've been debating on not taking Methotrexate for a while because the side effects seem to be getting worse and worse - not better.  For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about it's a low-grade chemo drug that I take for my autoimmune arthritis.  Yeah - I can walk, but everything else sucks right now.  The headaches, the nausea, the painful sores on my skin and in my mouth that take forever to heal.  My lungs taste horrible.  I feel like I have a sick smoker's breath and I don't even smoke.  I wouldn't be surprised if my hair started falling out soon.  I'm on folic acid to combat the side effects, but it's just not enough.  And all that has nothing on the fatigue that keeps me down for a few days after taking it.  I'm kind of feeling like I'd rather take a ton of NSAID's and antacids than deal with all this.  If nothing else I think my body needs a break.  So I'm officially skipping my meds today.  I might regret it or I might not.  But I can't keep on like this right now.  🙁

Brownian Motion is when the cells vibrate.

Brownian Motion is when the cells vibrate. You see it better after the video gets dark. Very interesting!