Made an 86 on my Programming test this morning. 😁

Tests this week.

I'm home. Was not my plan, but...

I'm home.  Was not my plan, but these antibiotics have my stomach all jacked and I have a test due in Discrete CS this evening, anyway.  I would prefer to be here to do it.

I have really gotta show y'all examples of what I'm learning.  (Or rather, trying desperately to learn.  LOL)  Maybe I'll do that in the next few days.  I think most of you will understand my struggle.

Last night Shaun encouraged me to see what kind of bad grades I could get and still keep my scholarship (just as a worse-case scenario).  I have wanted to do that, but I never have the courage to do it alone.  LOL  I could make a C in 10 classes and still not lose it.  I could even make a D in two classes, although I think I'd have to re-take those classes because it doesn't count if it's for your major.  So knowing that I have some wiggle room has eased my anxiety quite a bit.

Anyway.  I'm off to take my exam and hit the books.  It's time to get on track!

Hey, friends. I'm feeling a bit better today.

Hey, friends.  I'm feeling a bit better today.  I've been on antibiotics since Friday.  Not starting antidepressants just yet, but I have them if I need them.

I'm working on Programming homework and chilling.  I have a plan for this coming week and I feel like it's a solid one.  I'm planning to go to tutoring every day before and / or after class.  I have got to get on top of things and I think the extra time in the math lab with tutors available will help.  If not, I might be screwed.  But the kids and Shaun both know the plan and are down with it.  They're going to handle things around the house until I get right, which I greatly appreciate.

So, that's what's up.  I'm feeling optimistic that I can get on track, which is much better than feeling like I've got an elephant on my chest.  If nothing else I've got perseverance going for me because (I might have said this before, but if not...) all of my classes are down to about half the size they were at the beginning of the semester.  That's a little scary, but I do think that showing up and carrying on counts for something and I can do that much.

Anyway.  I hope we all have a great week.  ❤

Heading to bed FAR too late.

Heading to bed FAR too late.  I've been studying for a Linear Algebra quiz that I'm pretty sure I will also fail.  I feel like I am stressed beyond function.  It might be time to get back on antidepressants because I feel like I'm just not super cool right lately.  I'm pretty sure I should be settled in at JSU by now and that I should feel more excited and motivated than I do.  Right now I honestly want to quit and I know that deep down, I don't, but my motivation and mojo are gone.  I'm empty.

When I'm ok I do fine with pressure and deadlines, but I look at everything I'm supposed to do to stay on top of this schoolwork and all I want to do is sleep.  The sole purpose of me freelancing and not working all the time was so I could focus on school, and for whatever reason or reasons, I am currently not doing it and / or not able to do it.

Admittedly, there were a few big transitions happening over the last few weeks, but things are pretty good right now.  I just don't feel like I have recovered and I'm not sure that I will without help.  I feel more and more that sinking feeling that crept up on me after the shit storm that was last year.  I don't want that again.  It was a dark place.

I'm heading to the C.A.R.E.S. clinic tomorrow, anyway.  I'm pretty sure I'm battling an infection of some sort, so I will ask the doctor about refilling my Celexa.  Might as well.  The last thing I need to do is let this ride and wreck my grades.  That won't help anything at all.

I hope you all are doing well.  If you're not, please take the time to take care of yourselves.  You gotta do what you gotta do.  ❤

In happy news:

In happy news:  It was a dress-up day at Saks High for homecoming week.  Quirky day, I think?  So Shadow is wearing some of Shaun's old clothes, and Kira has on a necktie and suspenders, plus some pants she decorated with a Sharpie.  Shaun took them to school and snapped this photo.  I hate that I didn't see them off, but I was up late studying, so... I missed out, but it's ok.

P. S.  I'm totally shocked that Kira isn't in the front seat DJ'ing.   It's a party wherever she goes.  That is why she's gonna kick ass at being the mascot on Friday.  😃  💙💙💙  I can't wait!

Officially failed my first test at JSU.