Today has been pretty good.

Today has been pretty good.  I woke up and had my tea and petted my cat.  I got hugs and kisses and cuddles from Shaun.  That's all pretty usual, but I had feelings this time and they were good ones.  I just looked at Shaun and he was so beautiful to me that I complimented him enough times to make him uncomfortable.  Oops.  😂😂😂

I did my chores today, early enough that I will do some more math in a bit.  I have been thinking about other things I need / want to do.  I haven't done them yet, but I'm grateful that the thoughts are there and that there is a "want" in me to be productive.  I am grateful that I can think of stuff I need to do and not feel overwhelmed.

I feel like my depression is lifting.  I know a lot of people get sad, but I get numb and paralyzed and tired / sleepy.  The fact that I can feel my feelings and think about things without panicking is so amazing.  Yes, there are still a lot of stress-inducing things going on in life and the world in general, but today I can take a deep breath and tell myself that we're ok and we're going to keep being ok.  I don't really know how else to express how I feel other than that I am grateful.

I know that a lot of you are struggling with depression and anxiety.  Even before the pandemic I knew of several people who were struggling and according to the news, those numbers have increased dramatically.  I don't have anything more useful that I can say to you besides:  Seek help.  Find a way to see a therapist or a doctor if you need medication.  It is absolutely worth it to try.  I hope you all are doing well!  ❤

That's how you know it's in trouble. 😂😂😂

I love this!

Text copied; By Ruth Abbott:

“Do you know what you’re having?”... Look I get it, other than asking when I am due there isn’t much you can say to a pregnant person. Polite small talk is normal and we all know everyone loves a good party. However, can we all take a step back and agree that when you think about it, having big colour coded parties to celebrate an unborn baby’s genitals is just...well..a bit weird really! 

Guns or Glitter? Tiaras or Trucks? It’s all just nudge-nudge for does your child have a penis or vulva. Then we give these little people whole personalities based on this one thing instead of sitting back and seeing who they truly are. Even when they’re born they might not identify as the sex assigned in that moment! Boy, girl, non-binary or intersex, these little people are all beautiful and special and unique and should be celebrated as such. 

Smarter people than me have spoken out about gender reveal parties and if you had one and it brought you some joy (especially during lockdown) that’s fine but how about we start throwing book showers or nursery decorating parties or even just big, glorious, random celebrations of new life instead of theming a whole big bash for adults on a baby’s junk! 

So, without any more waffle about why I present my silly happy send up - the NON GENDER REVEAL PARTY! Enjoy weirdos and feel free to share.

Photos taken by the amazing and talented 

Claire Legg Photography

http://www.claireleggphotography.com/

Story of my life:

Life update:

Life update:

I think Cymbalta is going to be ok for me.  I've been taking it as early in the day as I can and I still get drowsy, but that was also a thing for me with Celexa and Lexapro that faded over time.  So far I have not slept away most of the day again on Cymbalta like I did that first day, but I do get a little nap in after I take it.  I can live with that until it fades, which I'm assuming will happen eventually.  I am also mostly back to sleeping normally at night.  I can't say it's perfect yet, but I can say that I've noticed my motivation has increased.  I've been doing my daily chores plus a few extras, as well as some studying and homework without Shaun having to encourage me.  This is definitely improvement and I am grateful for it.

In other news:  I dropped Spanish.  I was enjoying the class, but I missed some work the few days I was having trouble adjusting and I also didn't want to have to record myself speaking it to send to the teacher.  I think I can learn it online or with DuoLingo just as effectively, so I will do that.  There will be a lot less pressure on me to do it in my own time rather than for a grade, and less pressure is not something that I will complain about right now.  Also, I'm still brushing up on Calculus for my D.E. class, so it's not like I don't have plenty to do.  And if (for whatever reason) I feel that I don't have enough to do, I can always study for my CSA!

That's about all that is new with me.  We (me, Shaun, and the kids) are all hanging in there and continuing to hide from the pandemic.  Shaun and I make an exception and visit his dad as safely as we can.  We're still utterly baffled by how many people don't seem to take the pandemic seriously, but we can't control anyone but ourselves, so we're just staying away from everyone as much as possible.  Also, don't forget that Black Lives Matter and that is not up for debate with me.  Have a good evening, friends!

Today is Shaun's birthday.

Today is Shaun's birthday.  We kept it low-key because, you know, pandemic, but I think it was nice.  The kids put most of the effort into making it special.  I only ordered a thing or two from Shaun's Amazon wish list, but they came hard with some nice handmade gifts.  Shadow drew this BOMB ASS space cat (two of Shaun's favorite things) in red and black (Shaun's two favorite colors) and Kira made this DELICIOUS Tres Leches cake (his favorite dessert of all the ones she's learned to make) with cherries (his favorite berry).

They came up with these things on their own and I'm honestly so proud of them for being such thoughtful humans and trying to make his day special.  After Shaun opened his gifts and we ate cake, we spent some time as a family playing games and hanging out.  It was really nice.

I know I usually gush about Shaun because today is one of my favorite days since it's the anniversary of his birth, but I did that a few days ago and today I'm just really feeling grateful for my whole little family.  I love them all so much and they make my world a brighter place.  ❤️❤️❤️

I just asked Kira how she manages...

I just asked Kira how she manages to get the whole bathroom counter wet when she washes her hands. 

Her response?

"I go crazy on it."

At least she's honest. 😂😂😂