Today has been a really mixed bag.

Today has been a really mixed bag.

We got our solar panels installed so that is great.  We just have to go through an inspection and get our electric company to sign off and we'll be set to use them.  I'm hoping it won't take too much longer because this was supposed to be finished in December, but I am patient and realize that COVID is impacting the workforce everywhere.  I'm just excited to have it done.

The solar company called me at 7-something this morning so I had to get up and open the garage and give them access to our attic.  No big deal, but I didn't sleep well and had to be up and I honestly have felt like crap for most of the day.  It was also super noisy with them doing stuff to the roof so even though I miss Rose I am grateful that she didn't have to experience today because she wouldn't have liked it.  Cubba handled it like a champ, though, because he's always been pretty chill.  The worst thing he did today was having to poop at the same time the solar company was arriving and ran mid-shit with a poop hanging out of his butt to bark at them.  😂😂😂  Dogs, man.  🤦‍♂️  After that he was all good, though. 😁

Shaun ordered food from Chili's since our vehicles were blocked in by the solar company and we called that Valentine's food.  We ate together on the couch because I felt like crap and because the solar crew might need in at any moment.  I didn't eat very much and then fell asleep as soon they left.

I woke up around 5 (this afternoon!) to a bear cupcake and one of the most delicious cake pops I've ever had - both made by Kira, of course.  She said she took photos of them so as soon as I get those I'll post them.

Our ball python, Bruce, was acting strange last week and we were really worried about him, but we were also dealing with the Rose situation.  I adjusted his temps and humidity and that seemed to help him a lot because he started acting normal again.  Shaun had bought him a new house 2 weeks ago that we hadn't moved him into yet, and his new humidifier arrived today (he had one, but it was older and getting loud so we didn't want to be caught in this dry climate without one).  We decided to go ahead and move him into his new home today and we found him passed away.  I'm shocked and we're all sad.  Bruce was such a friendly guy and he really changed my life / perspective of snakes.  That's a story for another day, but needless to say my heart is broken.

One other thing to say and I guess I'm done:  I ordered Shaun a ring from Etsy back in December for Solstice because that is what he likes to celebrate.  It didn't arrive until the night before last so I gave it to him and joked that it was his "Solstice-tine's Day" gift.  It was engraved with what I was led to believe was the passage on the ring from LOTR, but he looked it up and it's just the alphabet.  😂😂😂

I feel strongly that the seller's listing was misleading, but we both think it's pretty damn funny and I guess we're keeping it.  The seller is straight up printing the alphabet in Elvish on rings unless you customize it another way.  I could leave a review saying as much - and maybe I should because they didn't seem to care when I brought it up to them; lots of their reviews are for the ring "as is" which I think customers wouldn't buy if they knew it said "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz," but what do I know.  Maybe people really wouldn't care.  But Shaun being a huge fan wanted to make sure the translation was correct and that is what he discovered.  😂

Anyway, I hope you've all enjoyed your day whether you celebrate this as a holiday or not, whether you're single or coupled or throupled, whatever you do - I hope it's been great.  It hasn't so much been for us, but that's ok.  Tomorrow is another day.  ❤

It's definitely been a low-energy few days for me.

I'm about to start responding to comments.  I'm sorry for being away, but I needed some time to get right.  I have to deal with Happy Tails Lost & Found Pets of Calhoun County whether I feel like it or not so I'm technically "on here" lurking even if I don't have the energy to post or respond.  It's definitely been a low-energy few days for me.

We're all doing as ok as we can.  I had to move a giant pack of toilet paper that was delivered and left in the middle of the dining room floor because twice upon glancing at it I thought it was Rose standing there awkwardly, as she often did.  Cubba seems to notice that she's missing, as well.  Shaun, despite definitively being a "cat person" was basically claimed by both Cubba and Rose so it's hitting him a bit harder than the rest of us.  He was her comfort person and that meant something.

I'm not saying that losing her wasn't painful for me or the kids because it was, but she was a hard creature to connect with.  It almost always felt like she was putting up with your attention / affection if it didn't outright scare her away.  She also hadn't been fond of me since the vet visit where we discovered her tumor so I've been avoided for all of this time unless she wanted to play.  I miss those big, doofy play bows, though.  Almost every morning she was ready to go out back and play.

Today Shaun helped me go through my plants to see who was alive or not.  He also helped me get most of them watered.  We did some light housework because our solar panels are being installed tomorrow and the workers will need to come in to gain access to the attic.  Other than that I painted Shaun's nails (black with magnetic silver gel polish) and they look kind of like moons.  He likes them.  At times like these taking care of each other is important.  I think we both did a good job of that today.  ❤

I'm seeing and feeling the love...

I'm seeing and feeling the love from my friends and family and even though I haven't responded (yet), I wanted to let you all know that it's appreciated. I'm going on day 3 of little sleep and fighting off a migraine, and almost week two of elevated stress and little self-care so I am taking some down-time to try to get right. I am mentally, emotionally, and physically drained right now. I know logically that we did the right thing for Rose, but that somehow didn't make it any less awful.

Thank you and I love you all. ❤️

Today we said goodbye to our sweet Rose.

Today we said goodbye to our sweet Rose.  She had tasty bones this week and all of the playtime she wanted.  The kids sent her off with Oreos so that she could taste chocolate before she passed.  She had a swift and peaceful passing with me and Shaun present.

We spoke honestly and thoroughly with her vet upon our arrival.  I told him her history of not seeking shelter no matter the weather, of not trusting us despite living with us since she was 6 weeks old (she would be 4 years old right about now), about how any changes scare her, about how she stops eating, and everything we've tried.  We also let him know that her behavior (both regarding the tumor and the aggression we saw when she started Xanax) had escalated.  We stopped the Xanax at least a week ago, but she was still going after a few of the cats and had now begun growling at Cubba (the most recent incident he was simply laying on the couch). She also still did the "coochie-stomp and cry" with her tumor except that she was also starting to bark at her own rear end.  He said that it sounded like she had a neurological problem that training and medication wouldn't fix and that he believed we were doing the responsible and kind thing for Rose.  Shaun and I honestly feel the same way.

Once the paperwork was done they took her back and gave her an IV.  They brought a blanket in so we could be comfortable on the floor with her and sat down a container of treats.  When she returned we petted and loved her and gave her treats and comforted her.  She sat in Shaun's lap when it was time for the shots.  The sleepy shot went into the IV and before the doctor was halfway through pushing that syringe her whole body loosened in Shaun's arms, she yawned, and put her head down in my hands.  The doctor administered the flush, then the kill shot, and she was gone a few seconds later.  It was so fast and so peaceful.  Neither me nor Shaun have ever seen her look so relaxed.

It wasn't an easy decision, but through my time in rescue I learned that there are fates far worse than death.  With her reaction to change / stress I stand with her vet on believing that surgery was not a good idea at this time.  Maybe months of work with a behaviorist would have done her good, but the consultation alone was $650 with (obviously) no guarantees.  Meanwhile, she would still have that uncomfortable / outrightly painful tumor still growing inside her.  This was a perfect shitstorm where the loser was Rose.

Rose was another weird / quirky soul who we embraced in our home and our lives.  She was never an easy dog, but with the guidance of some of my super experienced friends we made it work... until we couldn't.  It never occured to me that she would have a medical issue so young or that it would happen at a time in her life when stressors were stacked to the point she was showing signs of aggression.  If I had it's entirely possible that there would have been time to at least work with a behaviorist and that this situation could've played out much differently.  However, that is not how things went and the best I can do now is say that I've learned some things.

Not to be gross or crass, but after she passed I asked the doctor to show me her tumor again.  It had almost tripled in size since her last visit to him.  I have a photo if anyone would like to see it - just message me or ask in the comments.  It doesn't bother me to send it or talk about it; however, I'm not tryna traumatize anyone or ruin anyone's day so I'm not posting out here to be seen while scrolling.  I've got a headache from crying and might not be by my phone all day, but I'll check in on and off throughout the evening.  For now, me and Shaun are trying to wind down and we're planning to spend some time with the kids as a family this evening.

To everyone who's tried to help me on this journey with Rose:  I appreciate your support and guidance more than words can say.  Thank you so much.  All of my love and gratitude to you for sticking by me during this trying time. ❤️

Oh, these sunsets never get old.

Oh, these sunsets never get old.

The snow has finally melted (except for on the mountain) and it was gorgeous today.

We were startled awake...

We were startled awake at 2:30 this morning by this lovely song. The video is uninteresting visually, but the coyotes were singing us the song of their people - loudly, proudly, and off and on throughout the night.

I love it so much! ❤️

Every single night...

Every single night when I'm trying to go to sleep a cat sneezes in my face (either Ember, Adrian, or both). Ember in particular likes to head-bonk so, so hard and sticks her nose in my nose, eyes, or worse - rubs it across my lips.

I just had to sneeze and I *almost* covered it. Then I thought... "Why do that when I can share?" so I let it rip and sneezed right at Ember's face. She ran away. 😂😂😂 Wrong? Probably. Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Oh, definitely. 10/10 - would do it again.