Today was hard.

Today was hard. We lost Ember (the cat with the gremlin voice).

She was fine last week - even playing. But on Friday I noticed that her stomach was super noisy, and later the poor thing had diarrhea and tried throwing up at the same time. We thought maybe something had upset her stomach and the plan was to take her to the vet today if she wasn't feeling any better.

She ran to the litter box several times over the weekend, trying to use it (but unsuccessfully). Her appetite was low and we still believed she had an upset tummy. This morning, though, she wouldn't even try to eat her stinky treats that she loves.

We got her in at the vet and decided to leave her so they could run some tests. Well, the news was not good. The doctor found a giant tumor in her lung. Shaun is 100% against letting them suffer, as am I, and the vet said that anything we did would be a very short-term solution that may not actually help her feel better. So the hard decision was made, and we let our sweet girl go.

My Alabama rescue peeps will remember her as Boo, the scaredy-cat from the shelter. But she'll always be our sweet, gnarly-voiced Ember who loved punching you in the chin with her head and getting super-squeezy hugs. This was one of her last hugs from her favorite person. She was actually purring (she REALLY loved to be squished). ❤️❤️❤️

Yesterday I woke up and hit the ground running.

Yesterday I woke up and hit the ground running.  There was a bunch of stuff I wanted to accomplish and I did pretty much all of it.  Today has been the opposite.  I slept until 10-something, did Shaun's nails, and just finished stuffing myself on Pizza Hut - which really hit the spot.  I can't believe it's already so late in the day, though.

Shaun told me that this morning he looked out of the window and saw Harley walking along our privacy wall.  Thankfully, Harley saw Shaun come outside and ran back in, then met him inside like "I was here all along."  That is the second or third time we've found Harley outside (where none of the cats are supposed to be).  He's getting out of the dog door.  We've been leaving it unlocked since Cubba's key batteries died, but we have more batteries coming today so this shouldn't be an issue for much longer.  But this totally makes sense for Harley; after all, he was found in the motor of a car from Douglasville in the Oxford PetSmart parking lot.  He clearly has an adventurous streak.

Twice in the last few days, Shaun has pointed out lint on Cubba's belly button.  I legit didn't know that could be a thing for dogs, but I guess it makes sense since the hair swirls all towards one place.  Now I'm going to be looking at his belly button all the time.  😂

I sent Shaun to his game room (or rather, just away from me) because I need some quiet.  I feel sensory-overloaded at the moment and need to be by myself.  I thought I might catch up with some family and friends over the phone today, but I don't think that is going to happen.  I would like to talk more during the week... except that I don't want to.  I've found that I spend a lot of time in meetings for my job and it's oddly social despite being remote work, so I feel like I get a lot of socializing in during work and kind of the last thing I want to do is spend more time talking or messaging back and forth when I'm off.  I'm sorry if anyone feels neglected.  I'm taking care of myself right now.

I don't know what else this days holds for me, but it's gorgeous out.  Maybe I'll at least pot some plants and take a walk.  I don't know.  Gotta let my brain and ears settle first.  😂

I hope you're all having a lovely day.  I see a lot of happy pictures.  I'm glad y'all are enjoying time with your families, but to be honest I'm so relieved that I'm past having to put effort into holidays.  I've openly been an atheist for a long time, and this is the year I stop going through the motions of holidays I don't celebrate or care about for the sake of other people.  The kids are 23 and I'm 40.  I'm just done, and I'd rather be done than be a Grinch.  So Happy Easter or whatever else you might be celebrating.  I will always wish my friends and family the best, no matter our differences.  Love to you all.  ❤

Shadow just came downstairs...

Shadow just came downstairs and said that Kira got in a fight with Leon. 😂😂😂 That child and her child crack me up. How do you get in a fight with a cat!?

Look at this gentleman.

Look at this gentleman. Balthazar is so sweet. But he's got a foot fetish. Always tryna roll and rub and chew on ya toes. 😂😂😂

Adrian "patiently" waiting for me to get up and give her a treat.

Adrian "patiently" waiting for me to get up and give her a treat. 😂😂😂

Poor Shaun.

Poor Shaun. He was woken up today by Adrian launching off his face while running around the room in a craze. He has 3 scratches on his face that are bleeding.

Gotta love cats. 😂😂😂

It was beautiful outside today.

It was beautiful outside today.  It's the first time it's really felt like spring to me.  I never wake up as early as I want to on Monday mornings, but if I had then I would've gone skating before work.  (Note to self for tomorrow:  Wake up and GO!)  Since I didn't, after work I decided to do some light yard work and vacuum the stairs.

I have felt so great lately.  Physically, I feel like I'm finally getting my hormones under control.  My psoriasis is very mild (just a few spots here and there; I don't even bother medicating them), and I haven't had the arthritis flare up in ages.  I've been sleeping well and eating healthier and the energy payoff is noticeable.  Now if I can work some regular skating and other exercise back into my schedule I'll be 100%.

I haven't had any issues with depression or anxiety in a while.  It really took some time to actually SETTLE IN at home once I got back from Cincinnati.  I had nightmares for a while about having to go back or lose my job.  Fortunately, nothing like that is going on in real life and I've been pretty much ok.  I do have a work trip coming up next month.  It is voluntary to go to and I want to go to it.  It's in Las Vegas; I've never been there so I'm looking forward to it.  Also, I miss my coworkers.  Don't get me wrong - I LOVE working from home, but I made lots of friends while working in Cincy and it was bittersweet to leave.

I have some other things coming up that I'm looking forward to, as well.  Besides the work event, I will be visiting a friend in early June.  I also have a friend coming to see me this month, and another in October.  At some point in the midst of all of that me and the kids plan to visit Alabama.  I'm so excited that I can actually do things.  I'm stupid excited that I can afford to!

When I set up stuff for my new job (like 6 months ago) I did something goofy that kind of bit me in the ass.  I really did not think it through.  😂  I guess I was thinking ahead more to retirement-type stuff since I am behind on saving for that, but anyway.  I set 25% of my check to be deducted for the employee stock plan... and that was something that couldn't be changed again until last month.  😬  The change I put through in March should finally take effect this month and I am excited to have a much smaller chunk of my check removed for that.

We also finally paid the last rent payment for the apartment in Cincinnati last month so that's a $1600 bill that we no longer have.  And we're getting performance reviews this week and next, so I think a pay raise is on the horizon.  Our savings have gotten thin, so I'm hoping that this will be the month we can actually hold on to a little bit of what comes in.  We shall see.  We do have a small roof leak that needs tending to.  Thankfully, it doesn't rain much here, but as is the way of life:  It's always something.

I guess my point there was that I'm not really stressed about anything, and I don't think I've ever experienced this level of calm before in my life. I was always worried about money, or about someone taking my kids, or about school... or I had people in my life mistreating me, or I felt unsafe in my neighborhood, or I felt stuck at a dead end. And over the years life has changed so much and I feel a TON better. I feel like my life is just beginning even though I'm 40 years old. It's so weird, but I'm not complaining!

Well, I didn't really know where this post was going when I started it, but here we are. I'm doing really well and I guess I wanted to acknowledge that and throw some gratitude out there into the universe. I wish this kind of peace and contentment upon all of my friends and family. I love you all and I hope you are doing well, too! ❤️