Harley snuggs.

Harley snuggs.

Toebean snuggs.

Toebean snuggs.

It's beautiful out.

It's beautiful out. Look what I missed while bed-rotting today.

I'm about to go to bed because I'm exhausted...

I'm about to go to bed because I'm exhausted, despite sleeping as long as I wanted to today.

So last night I saw someone post about a music video with Roseanne in it. I made Shaun look it up on YouTube on the TV. That was... Something.

After that, there was a video talking about Jafar Jackson and how he sounds so much like Michael. I made Shaun watch that with me, too.

Being tired and done with my bullshit, he turned the TV off because he was going to bed (around 9 last night). Having just learned of Jafar's existence and wanting to know more, I opened the YouTube app on my phone. It presented me with a pimple-popping video and I COULD NOT look away. So I sat here on the couch until 2:30 this morning watching disgusting, grossly-satisfying video after video. I could not stop. For 5 hours I sat here, trapped and entranced. I'm afraid I've now ruined my YouTube algorithm and I'm scared to open it again. Apparently I'm defenseless against pimple-popping videos. Not super shocking since I'm such a skin-picker, myself.

Anyway, I didn't make it out of the bedroom today until around 2 this afternoon. I did do my walking, but not my delayed leg day from yesterday. I will try again tomorrow.

I thought I was ok, but then I found out that my face looked mad. I didn't feel mad, but over the course of the day I asked Shaun to stop talking to me, and then eventually to stop looking at me. So I guess I've felt some kind of way. Like "We can watch TV together, but do not perceive me." 😂 He just went to bed... in his game room. He said it was probably safer that way. 😂😂😂

I really need to do my nails. I've had this gel overlay on for 3-ish weeks. Maybe 4. I cut my nails recently because they were getting too long, but the gel is starting to lift and that's probably causing damage. But I obviously didn't feel like doing nails today. On top of my mood, I've felt tired and also foggy. I can't blame the hormones because I'm the one who stayed up late, but I'm sure they are doing something. I'm on day 2 of Testosterone and started my Hypothyroid meds today.  I should probably be resting and taking it easy while my body adjusts. So, goodnight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Shaun took the boys out for errands today.

Shaun took the boys out for errands today. A certain someone is WORN. OUT. 😂

Also, look at these precious cookies he got them!

When we gave them the cookies, Bear did the goofiest thing (imagine that). 😂 He took his from me, laid it down to smell it, then decided to take it to the grass for a picnic. But when he picked it up, he was like <| instead of <- with his mouth. He was carrying it on the edges with his mouth propped wide open. 😂 I would've gotten a picture, but we were wrangling Cub so he wouldn't steal from Bear. Gosh, he's such a goober. 😂😂😂

I started my Testosterone today.

I started my Testosterone today. They warned me it was bitter and offered to flavor it. I chose watermelon. It's not bad. It has to melt under my tongue.

They said it could take up to 3 weeks to normalize my levels and feel better.

I am hoping with everything I have that it helps me sleep.

Here's another long, probably TMI post:

Here's another long, probably TMI post:

I want to start by saying that those books I recommended a week or so back that were given to me by my doctor have some good points. But after finishing reading them and then doing some investigation, they were definitely pushing Testosterone pellets (implants that last 3-4 months) that they make. Not that I have full faith in the government, but the pellets aren't FDA approved and also not covered by insurance. They cost about $350/pellet out of pocket, and I just don't have it like that. Not only that, once implanted they can't be removed, and I don't want to try a hormone for the first time not knowing how I'll react to it without the option of quitting it/adjusting the dose if I need to.

I do, however, really like the idea of hormone treatment that releases over months. No roller-coaster from taking it, no affect on the liver - just in your body as if you made it. I may be open to trying the pellets one day, but it's just not a thing that can happen right now.

THAT BEING SAID, I am very pleased with how my visit went today.

She said that my thyroid is low. Still within normal range, but asked if I had any symptoms of low thyroid and I do. I have for years. But no doctor ever wanted to treat me for it because I was "in range." She prescribed me a thyroid medicine and said that I would probably feel better on it and if I do, then great, but if I have any negative side effects that I could stop taking it. I really appreciated that attitude because I felt like she was treating ME, not my labs. I go to the doctor to feel better, and she genuinely seemed to want that, too.

She also said that my testosterone is low, and I am not shocked because I have many of those symptoms, too. I'm going to start a testosterone lozenge and see how that goes. They only offer the pellets or lozenges, so it's my only option from this provider. She did say that the lozenges have better absorption than skin creams. She said it was really hard not to get T levels too high for most women with injections, so that's why they don't do it. Understandable.

The last thing we talked about is me quitting the estrogen patch. For one, my estrogen levels seem ok (I know it's not accurate to diagnose estrogen levels with one lab), but the reasoning is because it's preventing my body from doing what it's trying to do which is go through the change.

While I do feel like the estrogen might have helped me at first, that could be entirely inaccurate because I started progesterone at the same time. She said it was fine to stay on the progesterone to help with sleep, so I will.

I'm not sure about quitting estrogen; I will have to look into that. But I do like the idea of letting my body do what comes naturally, so long as I'm functional and also not miserable. I hope I have around 40 more years left, and that's a long time to have sleep issues and brain fog and low energy, etc.

Anyway. That's how that went and I'm excited to hopefully feel better soon.